Definition of judge: noun is a person able or qualified to give an opinion something
verb- form an opinion conclusion about.
What areas are you qualified to give an opinion on something? In your profession? In your role as a mom or wife? Are you a volunteer with specific responsibilities? Looking at these roles and responsibilities how does that influence the way that you form an opinion?
There are many different ways that we can form an opinion.
-We use past life experiences.
-We use facts and data.
-We use our culture and family values.
-We use our training. The way a police officer, a social worker, a child or a tourist is going to make a judgement about a homeless person will all be extremely different. Why?
So once we get clear on the qualifications of judgement we then move into the action plan to executing judgement.
Take the example of a parent judging their children. Let’s say that one child has broken a toy out of frustration and then 2 years later another child does a similar act. Are the consequences that the parents give the same? Well the parents will need to asses each situation and then make a judgement.
When we operate from the higher brain rather than the lower brain can we see how our judgement could be altered?
Think about how we are wired. We have human instincts to keep us alive. For example, we have instincts about untrustworthy/ sketchy people. This is judgement.
When judgement can be bad is when we are constantly judging others based on our insecurities. I share a funny story about me as a teenager when I realized the detrimental habit I was in. It’s a funny one and will give you a laugh.
One of my suggestions is if you find yourself judging others, look at yourself and see if you are being critical? What is causing it?
I grew up in a family of 3 brothers and 2 sisters. We are relatively close in age. There was a lot of comparing that happened. Who was smarter?, faster?, more popular? How did that type of judgement serve us? (it didn’t) What judgement serves us? ‘Am I being kind?, Am I contributing and pulling my weight?, Am I showing up in a way that I am proud of?’ Do you see the difference? The judgement is on ourselves and owning what we can control- ourselves!
So think of the example I gave in my video about the teeter tooter. Are you putting people down because you are feeling low? This can be liberating when we realize the cause of our thoughts and actions.
My dad told me that ‘honesty without compassion is aggression’. So if we are judging people harshly, what is is saying about the way that we are thinking about ourselves. I encourage us all to really take a step back and get the circumstance neutral. Our thoughts are very powerful. Remember the best news about thoughts? We totally get to choose what thoughts we want to keep and what thoughts we can not. Building healthy self judgement is critical.
Think back at the last time you had a judgement about someone.
A-were you being critical of the way they were doing something:
B-were you thinking about the way they were dressed?
C-did you judge them on their mannerisms?
D-did you judge them on the way they were yelling at the referees?
E-did you judge them on their parenting?
These are some common everyday occurrences where judgement can creep on all of us. So when the judgement is coming I want to encourage you to turn this judgement around on to yourself like this:
A-I am being of the way I am doing something and am not pleased with myself
B-I am not sure about the way I am dressed and don’t feel totally at ease
C-I am judging myself about my mannerisms.
D-Do I question my own behaviour when at basketball games
E-Am I always confident in my parenting and worry what others think?
I learned this turn around technique a long time ago and having this awareness is so key? Remember the statement from Byron Katie that we are 100% responsible for our own feelings.
Want to know the best solution for judgement?
It’s learning to love yourself no matter what. (more on that to come aka foreshadow).
No specific writing questions for today but I do encourage you to do some journalling on what is coming up for you from reading this or watching my story.
Take care my friends.