How many times a day do you say or think that you are busy?
What does being busy even mean?
If I were to ask you to give me evidence that you are busy, what would that be? The number of laundry loads?, The amount of time you spend driving kids to activities? The number of hours you spend on emails and work responsibilites?
I am curious.
I often find it funny when I am in a group of women and they start comparing their busy lives as some form of badge of honour. In fact, I remember one of them saying, ‘I am the busiest person I know’. I can’t imagine how heavy that must feel to walk around with that type of burden.
So how can we get clarity on busy and how do we eliminate the overwhelm that comes with it?
I personally feel that when we say we are busy we are looking for validation. We are saying, ‘hey look at me, I am dealing with a lot of stuff and I would like some help or validation or credit for what I am doing here’. A lot of times saying and believing that we are really busy is a way for us to feel important. It could also mean that we are living in a frantic way trying to do lots of things to ‘keep up’ with everyone else.
We have written ourselves a script of what a ‘good mom’ looks like, or a ‘good wife’ or a ‘good…fill in the blank’ looks like. When we have an expectation of what it should look like we are living someone else’s life. This is disallowing ourselves to really get into our genuine/authentic selves. For many of us we having been trying to be how we think we should be for so long that we don’t even know who that authentic self is anymore.
Well, Have great news for you.
It is 100% possible for you to understand how you can become more yourself and get out of the ‘busy’ trap. I know you can because I was the queen of busy. I was able to finally get a new perspective and really question the thoughts. Not all of our thoughts are true and we don’t have to believe them.
I also learned that being busy was a buffer from difficult things or avoid situations.
So a buffer is that felt pad that you put on the bottom of your furniture so you can slide it around without scratching the floor. A life buffer is an activity that you do to avoid a feeling or an action.
Here is an example: you are in the zone and enjoying your time and then alarm goes off and its time to pick up kids from school. You have to stop and do something else. Even though you love your kids and are excited to see them you are a little disappointed that you have to stop what you are doing. So on your way to the car you swing by the kitchen for a diet pop or a handful of almonds. The little bit of dopamine that you get from the food will take the edge off the discomfort that you are feeling from that transition.
What are ways that you buffer?
Do you buffer with food?, social media?, alcohol?, shopping?, discouraging thoughts?, quilting?, gossip?, Netflix?, cleaning?, comparison?…
Before I include the questions, I just want to tell you how happy I am for you that you are reading this. It takes a lot of courage for you to delve into self improvement. This is not a warm and fuzzy way to spend your evenings as decide what to do with your free time. Doing this work is rewarding because it shows you that there is a better way that is 100% available to you. I am not a special unicorn. If I am able to rewire my brain with new thoughts and actions for a happier and healthier life there is no reason why you can’t.
You decide what type of life you want. You decide how much you want that life. You dedicate yourself to it and go forward regardless if it will take you 6 months, 1 year or 3 years or for your lifetime.
Questions
1.What does it mean to be busy?
2. What evidence do you have of being busy? Would you be able to prove that you are busy?
3. Do you find that avoid, put off or procrastinate often? Why do you think you do?
4. If you replied that you have a high tendency to procrastinate, where do you think it comes from?
5. What would you say is your ‘go-to’ buffer?
6. When was the last time you were about to buffer but then you stayed on task? How did that feel?
7. Buffering is a totally normal human behaviour. It is just a problem when it is keeping you from where you really want to be. Be kind to yourself that it is showing up. If you find that you are buffering 10 times a day, maybe try to 9 the following. Recognizing that you are actually buffering is really important and then showing kindness is key to reducing the frequency of it.
Take a few minutes now to journal your feelings about some of the reasons that you tend to buffer. If you find yourself saying that you busy quite often I invite you to journal about why and what feelings come up for you.
Remember, our brains are our most valuable asset. Give your brain time and attention.
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