186. Pendulum Swing On Love and Weight

Do you feel like you have tried every diet and approach under the sun and you still are not being successful with weight loss or even feeling good in your body? Some of us lose weight, but we still aren’t happy and we don’t know what’s going on. My name is Dara Thomason and I call myself the accidental weight loss coach because my intention was never to be a weight loss coach.

I, in fact, don’t look like a traditional typical person who you see on the internet, a weight loss person. You know, I never walk around with a sports bra and tight pants and constantly showing you my abs. I’m a weight loss coach that helps you get to the root of the problem so that you can finally stop relying on food overeating to avoid or distract yourself from what’s really going on.

So if you are ready to throw away all those old antiquated weight loss strategies like counting calories, checking steps, trading, swapping calories, points, all of that, if you’re ready to throw it all away because we know it doesn’t work, then you’ve come to the right place. So my name is Dara Thomason and this is the Quilter’s Coach podcast episode 186, Pendulum Swing on Love and Weight Loss.

All right. So as I’m recording this, it’s coming out February 13th. It’s Galentine’s. We have this whole like, let’s celebrate love just with, you know, the, the friends, the friendships, all of that. And I’ve been thinking obviously a lot about love. And in fact, my whole premise is that the more that you love yourself, the more you’re going to lose weight.

And the thing that’s really hard with me saying that, and I trigger a lot of people, which, Hey, I’m all about triggering because if I’m triggering you, it means I’m getting you to think. And that means that I, hopefully you’ll get off the, The, the robot or the treadmill of life, right? We wake up, do the same thing, we go to bed, nothing ever changes.

So I hope that I can trigger you. I hope that this podcast really gets you thinking because in order for you to change, you have to engage your prefrontal cortex and your lower brain. You have to be engaged, okay? You have to do this thing. I say to my clients all the time, I could give you recipes. I could give you workouts.

You could go do blood work. We could do all the things, but if you don’t go inside here in your heart and here in your brain, if you don’t start connecting those two, nothing’s going to change. Yeah, sure. You might lose some weight, but you’re going to get it all back. And then if not more, so I am totally, totally.

telling you, let’s throw it all away. Okay. There is one truth. The truth is you have to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight, but I’m going to help you learn how to get into that calorie, calorie deficit so that you can start living the life you want. Now, Before I start this episode on the pendulum swinging on love and unconditional love and all the things talking about love, I do want to share a win from one of my clients.

And this win is from one of my clients who has really struggled with prioritizing herself. And the thing that’s really hard for her is that she has lots of time. Finally, she has lots of resources. She has lots of freedom. She has more freedom than she’s ever had, but she doesn’t know how to do it. She doesn’t know what to do with it.

And so she has organized every single thing in her house. There is absolutely not one thing in her house that she doesn’t know where it belongs. And that’s one of her coping strategies. And so the more that she can open herself up to coaching and, and start really talking about all these things. The more that she does that, the more confident she starts feeling in herself.

And it’s been interesting because she’s even discovering there’s a lot of, um, quilting projects that she doesn’t even really like. And a lot of the reasons she bought them was because her friends had bought them and it was something that she was doing with them. And so the more that we do this work, the more we discover who we really are and who we really want to be.

And so she’s going to be getting rid of a lot of projects. And then she can decide, does she want to buy more fabric or does she want to do different things? Maybe she’s, maybe her life isn’t all about quilting, right? We kind of typecast ourselves. So, I love that for her. It was like a really big aha.

So good. All right. So let’s go into the tools because that’s where I, I value your time. I value that you’re here. I love looking at my stats and seeing people from all over the world listen to this podcast. So welcome. I’m so happy you’re here. And if you’re watching on YouTube, hello everyone. So fun.

Please share my podcast. Please share my YouTube. This is one way you could totally show love. Okay. Um, so let’s go into this pendulum swing. Now, one of my clients, she, um, she’s widowed and so Christmas and even her retirement is very, very different than how she thought. And she’s having a challenge navigating it just like all of us, right?

We’re all having a challenge navigating all the things. But when you have something like that, where you are widowed, before retirement. You didn’t even get those years. It does feel like he got ripped off. It feels like You know, that’s a really big thing not to have anymore. Okay, so she’s experiencing these pendulum swings.

So she has gone from decorating the whole house making Christmas a really really big deal And then she’s gone this past Christmas to absolutely no Christmas tree, no Christmas dinner. Um, didn’t have a Christmas, uh, thing really sent, just sent money to her kids. And so she’s, she’s experiencing that pendulum swing.

And, one of the things I said to her, I was like, go for it, go and collect the data, let yourself see what works. So when we think about the pendulum, you know, we have the old fashioned, like Um, pendulum swingy thing, and it can go from one extreme to the other. And as I was preparing for this podcast, I was thinking about all the crazy things that we have done for weight loss.

My friend told me that when she was in university, her mom came and wired shut her roommate’s mouse so that they would lose weight. Is that not crazy? So they literally could not open and close their mouths for days so that they would lose weight. That’s crazy. Um, I think people taking Ozempic, that’s completely crazy.

If you do any study on weight loss drugs, I have a whole podcast, a whole free training I did, I did the history of it. It was, it’s devastating to me because people are literally dying. Because when they really could just start doing one thing, feel your feelings. And so I was talking to these ladies the other day about my Instagram and they said, you know, we as quilters use needles to quilt, but if you’re putting needles in your body with Ozempic, you’re injecting your body with this very, very serious drug.

that has huge repercussions. Not only is it expensive, but it’s like, I could go on, right? It’s so dangerous. And you’re in the bathroom a lot. You’re sick a lot. You don’t feel great. And then as soon as you stop taking it, most of the weight comes back on. And the whole time you’re taking it, you realize I could die.

This could kill me. And the thing is, if it solved the problem, I’d be all in. But it doesn’t solve the problem. It just delays the inevitable. Okay? So, this is what I’m talking about. So we have these extremes of Um, the ozempic, these weight loss drugs, we have the wiring our mouth closed. We have super negative self talk.

And then we have this other extreme, which is really challenging for me to talk about because there’s a lot of hate out on the internet, but there are these women and men who are morbidly obese and they have this huge movement saying I can be whatever I want. Now the problem is they have these channels that say, yeah, I can be morbidly obese.

And then they have these people following them. But guess what starts happening? Their followers start dying because they are becoming morbidly obese. They are not taking care of it. And if you continue in that body for that period of time, your risk of dying is so much higher. Which it is happening, right?

They are dying sooner. Um, you know, one of the things we could do statistics and um, you know, some people really love statistics and, and part of me, I actually do like to, um, but with, with, with being morbidly obese and having this, um, these extra weight. Uh, your complications, you’re, you’re, they’ve increased so much.

Um, so we have cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea. There’s certain kinds of cancers, osteoarthritis, depression, and there are 2. 8 million die every year. And this is interesting and its frequency: over a billion people in 2022 are morbidly obese and prevent societal changes, changes in the food industry, access to a healthy lifestyle and personal choices.

treatment for morbidly obese, um, lifestyle changes, physical activity, calorie reduction. The goal is to improve quality of life and reduce the risk of obesity related complications. Treatment options may vary. Um, so even things like increasing water, but one of the problems I see with this extreme is that you’re saying, yeah, you can totally be morbidly obese.

It’s totally fine. And people are jerks if they say no. And, and the thing that this is the fine line, I’m not, I’m not saying anything about them. I’m not saying they’re dumb, they’re jerks. I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying they have a problem that they need help solving. Because the problem is when you are morbidly obese, your increase of death is so much higher.

And so now they’re saying, okay, I have this problem and instead of saying, Hey, let me help you. They’re saying, no, no, no, just keep going. It’s no big deal. But the repercussions are you could die sooner. You have limited life, you have limited opportunities, and you have a constant fear of when I go to bed tonight, I might not wake up.

Is that the quality of life that you want? So do you see this extreme? Um, I,

you know, and then we look at the statistics. I can, I can look that up too. So statistics of, um,

okay, so the statistics, so 33 percent of our minority and non minority female participants who reported experiencing sexual abuse only, and 42 percent who reported experiencing both sexual and physical abuse became obese in adults. And these are the reported ones. So early exposure to traumatic events such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect

So, what does this look like? So, we know that over 3 million people with COPD in the US, among the most affected by Over 1. 5 million people with COVID 19 and those with less than 3. 5 million people with COVID 19 have lived in poverty for more than three decades. and PTSD and obesity were found respectively, 85 and 86 percent studies.

So when you think about this problem, it’s finding that fine line. Okay. You can make your choices. morbidly obese, but if we don’t resolve the concerns, then you are just limiting your quality of life and your length of life. Okay. So we have these extremes. So we have the extremes of like, uh, and then we have anorexia and bulimia. Like we have all of those on the other end. And so now I had a roommate that had bulimia and it controlled her. And, and so it consumes so much of her thinking of her quality of life, um, because they are so skewed. They don’t even see the value of, of living and all of those things. Okay. It’s the same on the other extreme.

Okay. So you say, all right, Dara, I understand there’s a problem. I get it. So what’s the solution now? There are a lot of layers, of course, but the, at the very core of the, the problem is that we are human beings, and we are being, we feel judged and we, we all want to belong. Okay. We, and, and, and when we think about our instincts, we all need to belong in society, right?

That’s a human instinct. And there is some message, some wire crossing of, of a thought error, merit, like all of the problems that says, if you don’t look a certain way, If you don’t act a certain way, if you don’t look a certain way, if you don’t portray yourself a certain way, you’re going to get kicked out of the tribe and you need to do whatever you can to be accepted in the tribe.

And the problem we have is that in order for you to belong to anybody else, you actually need to belong to you. And so these women are struggling with their weight and they’re, they’re fighting and they’re, they’re, they’re having so many problems because they think I have to achieve this goal of looking a certain way in order for me to belong.

But we, you have to learn to belong to yourself first. And then one of that part of belonging is not feeling that you are good enough. You are valuable enough, and so now you’re showing up not in your, in your fullness, in your wonderfulness, in your awesomeness. Right? So one of the, the main takeaway from this podcast and the message, one of the biggest messages that makes me a non-conformist weight loss coach, uh, I don’t, it’s like, let’s not.

Let’s have a formula kind of weight loss, like just tell me what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Thank you very much. It doesn’t work that way because what we, we need to do at our very core is that we need to believe that we are valuable, that we are worthy regardless of our weight, regardless of our height, regardless of the kind of house we have or the car we drive or how many ribbons we got on a quilt or how many Instagram followers we have.

And that is difficult. We are, we’ve been taught our whole life outside in. We need to look the part. Brene Brown has this amazing quote about perfectionism that I love so much. And I’m just going to read it. She says it so much better than me to, um, So she says,

Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research, research shows that perfection hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path of depression to depression, anxiety, addiction, and paralysis. But how she says perfectionism is, if I look a certain way, here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a 20 ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us. When in fact is the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.

So when perfectionism is driving us, shame is the riding shotgun and fear is the annoying backseat driver. So we can go on and on about perfectionism and, and how difficult it is for us. But

so this is where we have to, we have to let those pendulum swing. We have to look at that. We have to finally sit back for a minute, which I’m so glad you’re listening to this podcast, whether you’re watching or you’re listening to me. And I need you to finally sit in the CEO chair and say, okay, what kind of life do I have?

How have I created that life? And what is the life that I want? And how, how different are those two? And then learning how to step into that power. Now, next week’s podcast episode 187 is actually called being the boss. And I’m going to give you some tips on being the boss. And I’m going to do this in a way that’s going to help you so you don’t feel like you’re conceited or a narcissist.

or all those, um, or selfish, all of those things that you’re like, Oh, I can’t do that. I’m someone who just gives and helps others. And the truth is just like with perfectionism, it’s like if you are constantly worrying about what other people think and trying to manage everyone else’s expectations, You never get your own voice.

You don’t even know who you are. And if you don’t know who you are, why would you take care of yourself? Why would you eat healthy? Why would you go for a walk? Why would you prioritize sleep? Why would you even think about doing any of those things?

But the truth is the more you care about yourself, the more you nurture yourself, the more you get your own back, the more powerful and connected and loving and kind you are to everyone else in the world because you’re not being resentful. You’re not feeling frustrated all the time. You’re not constantly on edge.

So please, please consider coming on to one of my free coaching calls. I only have a few every week. I promise you that I We’ll be able to help you see right away within their 20 minutes long. I will see within probably eight minutes at least, maybe even five. I’m not good of seeing what one of your biggest obstacles are.

I was talking to my son today and, um, he was talking to me about this relationship he has and immediately I saw it was going on and he kind of looked at me and I was like, listen, I said, you have a mother who’s a life coach. It is a superpower I have. And he knew right away what was going on. He knew it.

He was just like, Oh, and he knew he was hiding. He knew that he should have done something a little different. He knew it. He didn’t want to deal with it. And so I was able to help him with that. I can help you. You do not need to suffer any longer. I promise you. I have an entire membership full of incredible resources and so much support.

Three coaching calls a week and then all the replays. I have these amazing women. You do not need to suffer in silence. So where are you on that pendulum swing? And the other part of that pendulum swing that goes along with it is called apathy. So I hope that you have not stayed in apathy. You are worth it.

You are. Your worth has already always, always been there. You just haven’t seen it. I promise. And when you learn these tools, you learn how to truly be who you want to be. It’s a, it’s like the greatest gift you give yourself. All right. I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re at this podcast. I know you’re ready.

I know you are. And, and the reason I know that is because you’re like, Oh, I don’t want to do it, but I want to do it, but I don’t want to do it. I know it. I know that dance so well. Just do it. Okay. If you listen to any of my, my, my, um, ladies who share their testimonials are like, just go for it. If you come to any of my masterclasses, there’s like so many women in my membership that come and I do my little sales pitch at the end.

And they’re always like, do it, do it. So do it and invest in yourself. You are your best investment. All right. Don’t let the pendulum swing. To all these extremes, find the balance. Let yourself do that. Take care. See you tomorrow. See you next week.Pendulum Swing On Love and Weight