Do you stress out about going to a party or a social gathering because people are constantly trying to push food on you? And why is it so hard for us to say no when people offer us food?
Dive in this episode to learn why people push food on us and misconceptions we might have about food pushers. I explain how you can decide what you will and what you won’t do ahead of time so that you have the confidence to say no.
If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think about hunger, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
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Three misconceptions about food pushers
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Why people try to push food
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Ways you can say no
- How to start to gain a healthy relationship with food
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
- Leave me a review in Apple
Full Episode Transcript:
90. Weight Loss and Food Pushers
Are you so afraid going to a party or a social gathering and people are constantly trying to push food on you? Well, I got you in this episode. I’m Dara Tomasson this is Love Yourself Thin, episode 90, Weight Loss and Food Pushers. All right, so how often do you go places and people are constantly offering you food? Yeah. What, what is that? Why do you think people do that? I have such a fun memory of last year I was visiting my aunt. She has a walker, she has mobility issues, and I’m at her house and the whole time I was there, for like the hour, two hours I was there, she was constantly asking me, what can I feed you? What can I get you? What can I do? And there’s a friend of mine, who used to date her daughter, And he lives in the same city I live in. And, and he went and visited her and he said the same thing. She just kept asking, what can I make? What can I make? And my daughter was just there and it was just, it’s really interesting that that is just the way that she loves to serve people. That’s how she gets her worth. And it’s really, really challenging for her not to be feeding people or her doing that for them. So I wanna help you out with some strategies and some support on how to deal with food pushers. I also have a client, and I’m going to share this, she went to her friends and she was staying there and she had mentioned that she was not doing gluten and she wasn’t doing this and that, and her friend went above and beyond and got all of these different gluten-free options and did all sorts of things, and it was very challenging because she just kept pushing food on her. And my client was just, she was so overwhelmed by all of the effort that this friend of hers had put together to cook for her special needs, yet she was feeding her every two and a half hours, and she wasn’t just feeding her every two and half hours. It was like, this was like a buffet, a banquet. Like it was just so much food and it was really, really challenging. And so I know this comes up in my program with my one-on-one clients, and so I wanna give you some tools and support on how to overcome this challenge. So why is it so hard to say no when people offer you food? Well there’s three misconceptions that we have that I’m just gonna share it. I’m, I’m sure there’s more. But the first one is you don’t wanna hurt their feelings. So we think that we have power over other people’s feelings. So the misconception is if I don’t eat this, I’m gonna hurt their feeling. But the truth is nobody has that kind of power to hurt people’s feelings. The only way that someone’s feelings can get hurt is if they have thoughts that create feelings of hurt. So if I said to you, you’re beautiful. If you don’t believe you’re beautiful, you wouldn’t accept my compliment. You would say, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I’m not. Like, you have to believe it. So that’s why I can say that you don’t have the power to hurt people’s feelings. People might choose, oh, I made this food for her and she’s not eating it. She’s a jerk or I don’t like her or she hurt my feelings, but that’s their thoughts and they can just decide that for themselves. The second misconception is you think you need the food to validate them. So the truth is they can only validate themselves because think about it, so let’s say I serve you something and then you eat it. So I’m thinking I feel validated, but really I am not satisfied. So I think no, they need to eat seconds or thirds or fourths for me to feel validated. Right? At what point are you gonna feel validated? You won’t, because it’s not a true way of feeling validated. The third misconception is if you don’t eat it, they will reject you. Okay so what is the truth of that? You can’t control other people rejecting you or accepting you. You can’t. They are the ones who either accept you or reject you. And I want you to think about this idea of religious restrictions or medical restrictions. So I do not drink alcohol. I do not smoke. I do not drink coffee or caffeinated tea, and that is a religious reason for me. I’ve chosen that law of Health as part of my religious devotion to God. And so if I went to someone’s house and they had made the wine and it was I, in fact, it was really ironic when I was 19, I worked in the south of France at a vineyard. It was a chateau, this, a man and a wife that my dad used to work with. And so here I am never drinking alcohol or any of that. And on a vineyard and they have this award-winning rose. And I thought, well, isn’t that a benefit for them? They never have to worry about me drinking any of their alcohol or worrying about it being gone. And so if they were offended that I didn’t drink it, well that’s on them. But for me, it doesn’t make sense for me to do anything like that because I’ve made a decision that, that I don’t do those things. Also, think about a medical restriction. So if you had someone come to your home and the doctor said to them, they are not allowed to eat at all. In fact, we had a family that their son was a similar age to one of my sons and it was he could not eat food at all, ever. And it was a really big challenge because at the family gatherings, they’re usually all around the food. And it was a really a challenge for the mom because there was a lot of conflict of I’m eating, but my son’s not eating. I don’t want him to feel left out. Maybe I shouldn’t eat. You know, there was all sorts of, of challenges with the family gatherings and her other children could eat. He went to a daycare so those kids were eating and just having those discussions around, this is who I am and this is just the way that I am and owning that. And so if you’re around a food pusher that’s really, really challenging. So I want you to ask yourself the question, what would be the reasons why people push food? Well, one, it is a love language. Definitely. I know for myself as a mother of five it brings me a lot of joy when I put time and effort into making something and seeing that pleasure. I remember a few years ago, my brother-in-law, my brother and nephew came to visit and they went for this big hike and it was super rainy and I knew that they would be so hungry and so I made this amazing pizza and, I made like 10 of them, it was crazy because all five of my kids and then them and my husband, and at that time I was eating, I chose to eat the pizza. And so we were just eating pizza after pizza and every time the pizza came outta the oven, we were like, Ooh, aaahhh. And it was so pleasurable for me to like know that I was creating this kind of pleasure for other people that I created with my own hands. So I can see how it’s very, very attractive to know that I could create that kind of environment, that kind of experience for people. Why else do people be food pusher? Sometimes people are food pressures because, that’s the only satisfaction that they have. They feel like I’m overweight, I’m not taking care of myself. And so if other people are doing that, I don’t feel alone. I don’t feel rejected. This is part of how I feel. I read a quote by Brene Brown yesterday and she said the opposite of belonging is fitting in. And I thought, that’s so fascinating when you feel like you have to be somebody that you’re not, that is the opposite of belonging. And so when I think of a food pusher in that perspective, it’s like I’m overweight or I’m not feeling good about myself. So if I can have other people that do the same thing, then I, I won’t have to feel so alone. It’s like a form of belonging, but it’s a false form of belonging. So that’s another concept. So I want you to think about that for yourself. This is the tool that I’m sharing with you. So I want you to decide ahead of time what you will and what you won’t do. So as a teenager, of course, being influenced by my friends about drinking alcohol or smoking, I made a decision that that was something that I wasn’t gonna participate in, and it wasn’t something that I wanted my life to look like. And so when you decide those things, you have to make a decision that it’s not always gonna be easy. And so anticipating that there will be a struggle, anticipate there’ll be a pushback. So even for me, I choose to plan my joy eats ahead of time. So if someone offered me something that was sugar or flour in that moment and I hadn’t planned it, I would say, oh, no, thank you. And so there could be the pushback of, well, why don’t you eat this? And and so I have actually several things that I say, I’m like, Ugh, I would love to eat that, that’s so kind of you, can we put that in a doggy bag? It’s just not in my plan right now. I just don’t wanna break trust with myself. I kind of have this way, I don’t even have to explain it. In fact, no, thank you is enough. But if you feel like you need to explain more, Then I just have kind of these set ways of saying, oh, that’s so kind of you. I can just see your love for me. I appreciate it so much, but that’s just not in my plan today. Can I just take it home in a doggy bag and I’ll, eat it tomorrow and I’ll, think of you and I appreciate you. Yeah, so have your list of things to say that you can just say right off the bat and it’s just automatic. That is so sweet that you offered this or I can appreciate your kindness or what a good heart you have, you have such a loving manner about you. These are all really wonderful things to say to this person and to keep that connection going. So anticipate that they’ll be push back. Yeah. There’s some people that get offended when I say I don’t drink alcohol. Some people get really defensive. Some people, they start going into their own story of, oh, well I tried to quit alcohol or whatever, like, and I just let them, like, they have their own story. They can have their own, and it’s not about me, it’s about them as well. Another one is I want you to decide and connect with your why. So I want you to like your reasons. Now, there is this concept my business coach told me about it and I can’t remember who said it, but there’s a, the dark shadow of success. So when you have success, there’s always going to be a dark side of that. So, for example, if you’ve made a lot of money, you’ve had a really successful business, there will be people that won’t feel like you’re approachable anymore. Or if you’ve lost weight, people won’t feel as connected to you because you won’t have those discussions about being overweight or the struggle, right? That you won’t have that same level that you had before. And that’s okay. So I just wanna recap, this is a short podcast today, but I want you to spend some time thinking about the misconceptions of food pushers. So you don’t want to hurt their feelings, you think you need the food to validate them, and if you don’t eat it they will reject you. Now, the truth really is you don’t have that kind of power to make other people feel anything. They can only validate themselves, you can’t control others, and you can appreciate their intent. So as you think about yourself in your relationship with food, I want you to make a decision now. What do you want the relationship of food to look like for you? And as you ponder those things, I want you to think about what would your 85, 95 year old self tell you right now? What is the wisdom that she has for you in this time? And one of the things that has really helped me with my weight loss journey and how I continue to use food for a way of taking care of myself, how I use food to nurture me and how I don’t use food to buffer is that I really do appreciate and love and honor the body that I have, and I no longer need to hide away from it. So every morning when I look at myself naked every morning, when I weigh myself every night, when I put myself to bed, when I thank my body for all the amazing things that my body did for me, I have such a love and appreciation and compassion for my body that I just naturally want to eat in a way that makes my body feel so much better. So when I have the opposition of the food pushers, or in my case, the coffee pushers or whatever, any sort of pushing of any sort, I can have that confidence because I’ve decided ahead of time of how I want to show up for me and for my body. And I love thinking, hey, 80 year old Dara, or 90 year old Dara, or 55 year old Dara, or however old Dara like, I got you. I’m gonna keep taking care of you. I do the same thing with my mental health. When I do my thought downloads, when I do my own self coaching, I say, yeah, I’m gonna put this time in. I’m going to support myself. Even with, I do simple things like I have a kettle in my studio and I will, before I go down to finish my day, quite often I will fill up my kettle so that when I come to the office in the first thing in the morning, the kettle is already filled, and all I have to do is just turn it on. I do the same thing with grocery shopping. I say, oh, I’m gonna go make sure I have really, really good food and food that I feel really good about in my fridge so that when I go to make dinner, I’m not scrounging, I’m not scratching my head and feeling frustrated because I have so many amazing food options here that I can make beautiful meals for myself. Sometimes I’ll make a big salad one day so that the next day for lunch I’m like, I got you. I already made your lunch for the next day. Good job. Right? So then I have such a loving relationship with myself. All right, so as I conclude this podcast, first of all, I didn’t even ask you, are you a food pusher? And if you are, why? What do you do with food pushers when they are pushing food on you and why? And what are you going to decide for yourself what you’re gonna do? I would love to coach you on any of this, and I have free coaching spots in my calendar that I can give you free coaching and then after that we do have a discussion about if Love Yourself Thin is the right fit for you. It is a non-pressure sales call. It is a way for me to see what’s going on for you and help you. My Love Yourself Thin program truly is a way of you learning to accept yourself exactly how you are and as you start understanding your behaviors, as you start understanding why you have this extra weight, as you start embracing your relationship with food, as you do this inner work, you will see this external effect. My clients are starting to shower more, they’re starting to exercise just because it feels good. They’re having more stamina, they’re able to garden more. They are doing more interesting things in their life, like becoming pattern designers and going on more trips and venturing out and going on retreats and having these experiences in their life that they didn’t even think was possible because they’re always doing this inner work. So if you are ready for that, come and talk to me and ask me any question. I’m always on my Instagram. You can message me there. It’s Dara underscore Tomasson, or you can email me dara@ dara tomasson.com, and I am here to help you. All right, you take care. Bye-bye.
