Today we’re talking about having a desire and not being able to resolve that desire. Then we’ll explore how that affects us with weight loss. If you’ve tried to diet in the past, it has likely been a yo-yo of losing weight, gaining it back and repeating the cycle. I’m going to teach you how to break that cycle. Let’s go!
77. Weight Loss and Knitting Socks
Do you struggle with believing you’re ever going to be your ideal weight and that you can live a life where food won’t be on your mind all the time? Well, this episode is for you. I am Dara Thomason. This is Love Yourself Thin, episode 77, Weight Loss and Knitting Socks.
Okay, are you so curious about the title of this podcast? You’re gonna love the story. I know it. All right, so today’s podcast episode we are talking about having a desire and not being able to resolve that desire. And so I’m gonna share a story about how that Affects us with weight loss.
So many of you are super brilliant. You’ve done all sorts of cool stuff. You’ve had a job, you’ve had kids. Maybe it’s hard for you to think, oh yeah, I’m super brilliant, but you are like, you had kids, you worked, you did all sorts of things. But weight loss has been something that you’ve struggled with and that’s okay. So today’s episode, I’m gonna tell you about me and knitting socks, and there’s a lot of really great analogies. And then we’re going to talk about how do you figure out how to solve this issue of weight loss for you. Okay?
And before we dive in, I’m gonna share one of my clients, she followed me on Instagram for a long time and was back and forth about should I join, should I not, and she came to some of my master classes. So she dipped her toe into this whole use your brain to resolve issue thing that I talk about and reluctantly joined. She went back and forth. It was a big deal and I agree, like there was a $2,000 program for life coaches and oh my goodness, I spent so much time trying to decide and then eventually when I did it was awesome and amazing and I’m so glad I did it. But it was just so funny, I spent a lot of time as well back and forth and consulting with my husband and talking to this person and that person, all of that.
Anyways, she’s been in the program for four months and hadn’t really lost weight. Came every once in a while to calls and then she was rushing around and she thought, well, I’m just gonna listen to the end of this one call with Dara. And there was something that she was ready to hear and I gave the analogy of the day that you got married and you put that ring on your finger and you said, I do. Changed everything. When you put that ring on your finger, you say, I’m not gonna go flirt with guys anymore. I’m not gonna go kiss other guys. I’m not even gonna look at them, and if I do, I’m not gonna keep those thoughts, or I’m gonna turn away, or whatever that is. I mean, everyone has their own theories about marriage, but for me it’s monogamy and that’s important to me. So I gave that analogy and she really resonated with that.
And so that was the beginning of the month and 21 days into the month she had lost 16 pounds. In 21 days. And the most fun, is she was thinking, oh, I don’t really have a lot of food in the fridge and I’m really hungry. So she went to get a muffin from the freezer and defrosted it. She put the muffin to her mouth and said, wait a minute. No, I don’t do this anymore. This isn’t who I am. So way to go. And you know, I really think that’s really important for all of you to hear that, is that we can have a lot of resistance and some people in my program, they’ve been there for a while and it takes them some time before they start really using the tools. And that is no problem. I say even for myself, cause I’m constantly doing my own self coaching and thought models and I’m like, where did that one come from? How long have I been harboring this one, right? It’s like, this is not healthy. I don’t really like this, but good thing I found it and so I can get it resolved.
So let’s go into the story. You’re like, what is this topic about knitting socks? Talk to me Dara. Okay, so back before I was married I had this vision of me hand knitting. I have Norwegian and Swedish blood in me, and I love the red and white Christmas, very simple. And I thought, oh, wouldn’t that be amazing if I could knit these beautiful, hand knit stockings? And so every year when I have children, we can put them out and it will look so beautiful. And this is before YouTube, before you could just watch videos on how to knit socks. And my mom lived in southern Alberta and there’s a Hutterite colony. Hutterites are a group of pacifists. They came from Germany and they live in colonies, so they live communally. Everyone has the same amount. The houses all look the same. Their clothes are pretty much all the same, and they do kind of a braid in their hair and they cover their heads and they’re very industrious. They’re amazing.
And so my mom was friends with one of the colonies and she said would any of you like to teach my daughter how to knit socks? And they were thrilled. They thought, oh, that’d be so fun. So here I am, this 25, 26 year old tall, blonde girl in my fancy sports car. It wasn’t that fancy, but it was kind of fancy. It was a two door Honda Accord black, and it had a spoiler? Is that what it’s called in the back? Yeah, I think so. And I drive into the colony and this is where the story gets really fun. So I go there and I have practice wool. Right? And it’s pretty, it’s nice and soft. It’s gray. It’s socks that I would like to wear. And I had found a sock pattern. And I show them my pattern. And the problem is she couldn’t read English and she had found some sock patterns, but they were all in German and I couldn’t read German. And truthfully, she didn’t even really know how to read a pattern because she’d been taught and this was a lady and her sisters and they had just been taught since they were really little how to knit. So they just knew instinctively what to do.
And so we just sat beside each other and she would say, okay, do this. And I would do it. And then she would see when it was time for me to do something different, and then she’d say, okay, do this. And then I would do that. And I sat beside her and there was times where I didn’t, she didn’t need to tell me very often what to do because, I mean the big thing was starting and then building up and then turning the heel, and then I kind of got the groove going up the sock, but I could not make a pair of socks by myself now. Even though I went like three times, I spent time, I sought effort, I did knitting at home by myself, until a certain point, and then I went back and I had to get instruction.
So I am not an independent sock knitter, and since that time I haven’t had the desire to learn how to do that yet. And that’s okay. I wasn’t able to build a foundational understanding of how to knit socks. So there’s two things that I wanna share in this podcast that I want to impress on your mind. The first one is, I had a desire to do something. So you have a desire to lose weight. You have a desire to maybe like your husband more. You have a desire to not be controlling people all the time. You have a desire not to lose your temper. You have all sorts of desires. Now desires are a wonderful thing.
In fact, I like to think of desire as a giant flashlight. Our life is like darkness and we don’t really know what direction to go in. And then we get a flashlight and it’s desire and we put it on and it gives us space. It gives us a direction to walk towards. So you have a desire to lose weight. Wonderful. Now let’s explore it. Let’s see what’s going on. So I had a desire to knit socks. Okay, wonderful. And then I went and found a Hutterite colony that would be accommodating and I bought wool and the special sock needles, and I went for it. But the flashlight, so to speak for wool socks has dimmed. It’s not important to me anymore. There’s other things that are more important to me, but in that moment, that was important and that is such a fun memory. And I just love that I did that for myself.
So the first thing is we really want to pay attention to our desire. Our desire is like the doorway to direction of where we need to go. And then the second part of this is that I wanna give you your power back. So many people, you probably included, don’t feel empowered around weight loss because you’ve lost weight and you’ve gained it, and then you lose it and then you gain it. And so you think, I’ve gotta turn to experts. I need to ask them to tell me what to do and how to do it, and where to go and what to do and all of that. Well people think that that’s what they want. They’re just like, no, no, no. Just tell me. Here’s a list. Here’s some paper, here’s a pen. Just tell me. I’ll just do it. Just tell me what to do. But how does that feel after a while? You start rebelling, right? Because you’re like, I don’t want someone to tell me what to do all the time. I want this to come from me.
And if any of you have spent any time with a two-year-old, right? The temper tantrum, all of that. We need to learn some ways of how to help them. Because I mean, I know for myself, not so much anymore, but when. I was around my mom, I’m kind of embarrassed to say this, but she brought out the teenager in me again. So here I am, this 39 year old teenager having this temper tantrum because my mom is telling me to do something and I’m being rebellious. And so that’s been our relationship with weight loss, right? We are the good student. We say, yes, yes. Tell me what to do. I mean, I’ll do it. I’ll just follow. I know I can be a good student.
But then we start getting resentment, and then we feel frustrated, and then we feel discouraged and we feel mad. And so we rebel and then we say, ah, no one can tell me what to do, this is ridiculous! And then you go to blame, like, if I had a better this, if my life was better this way, I wouldn’t be this way. Or maybe shame of like, oh, I’m never good enough. Of course I can’t do this. I am the worst. Right? And then we go into those cycles and we never get to that, what I call emotional adulthood, and we never get to that empowered place. We never take responsibility.
But I want you to know that you actually have all the answers inside of you. Life coaching is a way of people getting their power back. I was listening to Louise Hay this morning and she was doing this morning meditation and she talked about how our body has intelligence and it was so fascinating to me because we all have our own answers inside of us because we’re all unique and different. So the way that I need to eat for me is going to be different than how Andrea, or even my sisters who have a lot of the same DNA as me. But like, why would I think that other people should tell me how I should eat? When I am my own person, I have my own unique life and experiences.
So, when she was talking about this and I have been thinking a lot about this concept, for example, you know, there’s the, I don’t know if any of you know the hymn about the lilies of the valley and there’s a scripture about the lilies and the valley and how they are their own beauty and they just grow and they’re just beautiful. Like they don’t decide if they’re beautiful or not, like they just grow according to their own DNA, and I really love that scripture and that beautiful song. And I think about, you know any plant, any seed, every seed knows intuitively what they are and they just know what to do. And so they just grow.
And so it’s the same thing with us, like we have our own internal wisdom. So our body knows how to breathe itself. Our body knows how to digest, our body knows how to swallow, our body knows how to break up these minerals and nutrients. Our body has this beautiful inner wisdom. And our brain has all these answers for us. But unless we go into our brain and we learn how to use our brain, we won’t be able to access that.
Now you’ll see in the handout There’s lots of different ways that we can find answers. So there’s our internal wisdom; so the breathing and the swallowing and the blinking, all of that, it’s innate in us. There are Google answers. So if someone says, you know, who was the Prime Minister in 1814? Well, that is a Google answer. We can use our brain to find the answer and we can agree that that’s the answer. We have internal answers, so like how we breathe, digest, distribute minerals and nutrients, that’s an internal system that is in us, so we have that. There are trial and error answers, so when we were kids and we’re learning how to have friendships and we’re learning how to navigate things in the playground, we experience something, then with our higher brain we’re able to evaluate it and then we are able to make informed decisions moving forward.
There’s also evolving answers, so even as a parent, there would be answers that I would give to some of my children. Like, for example, today I have one of my boys staying home from school and he’s a very different boy than my other kids. And so I’m going to let him stay home from school, on a case by case basis. Right? And then there’s seasons of our life answers. And so what’s gonna be a good solution now with two teenagers and a 10 year old at home with my husband out of town, and running my own business. There’s answers that I’m not gonna be able to do certain things because I’ve made other choices. So when I don’t have kids at home, I’m sure that I will have different answers because I will have different priorities, I’ll have different responsibilities.
And so we had the Resolution podcast just a few podcasts ago, and I gave these suggestions, and I will give these over and over because they have been an amazing way of making decisions and using this criteria. So do I like my reasons? And keep in mind that life is always gonna be 50/ 50. It’s gonna be hard either way. So when you make the decision, make it out of love. And even if it’s hard, you know that you’re on the road to resolution. That’s what I like to say.
And then the second one is, do my reasons feel like love? And I wanna caveat that by saying unconditional love. So when you desire permanent weight loss, you can be empowered all along the way. So just like I gave the example of knitting the socks, I was not empowered. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have the foundation. I didn’t understand this whole turning the heel and what I was doing, whereas these women in the colony, they have been learning how to knit socks since they were four years old. So it was just intuitive in them of how to turn a heel.
So when you have this desire to lose weight and to keep it off for life, this is the solution that I have created and it is what’s helped so many women and will help so many women as they progress in taking care of themselves. And this is what’s gonna help them be independent. This is what’s gonna help them be able to knit any kind of sock at any place, any size, any kind of wool, because this’ll just be in their essence, it’ll just be part of them.
And so these are the five foundational steps of Love Yourself Thin. So weight loss science is simple. So when you learn the basics, now I say it’s like, what you would teach a grade five student, a fifth grader, right? It is how to balance the hormones. That is weight loss science. And then you understand about weight loss storage, how your body stores fat and how your body uses up that fat.
The second pillar is to create your own eating plan and learn to troubleshoot it. So just like each one of us is unique and different, our eating plan is going to be unique and different also.
Number three is we’re gonna recognize and process your emotions. So your emotions are the fuel for all of your actions and your actions give you results. So if you aren’t knowing how to deal with your emotions and you’re stuffing them down and you’re eating food to try to get rid of them, then you’re just gonna keep overeating and you’re not gonna be able to solve what’s really going on. It’s like you’re always doing right turns instead of doing a left turn because it’s uncomfortable. So feeling the emotions is going to help you to be a lot more efficient in getting things done.
The fourth pillar to permanent weight loss. So really building your foundation, right? You can knit any sock, doesn’t matter if the patterns in English or German or whatever, is that you learn to take a hundred percent responsibility for yourself. So this is what gets us out of that shame, blame trap of I’m not good enough, that’s shaming on ourselves. And so, of course I can’t lose weight because I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not capable enough, which is a lie. And the second one that keeps us from being permanently thin is blaming other people. So if I had a better mother or if I grew up in a different era or whatever that is, that gets you out of that, and then you can actually start taking responsibility for what’s going on for you and not from a place of being harsh or mean to yourself, but a place of compassion and love.
And then the fifth pillar is building self-confidence. So many women look at thin women now and say, oh, but they’re just self-confident. They’re just born that way. No, self-confidence is something you learn and you grow, and it’s a tool. And I teach you the three steps of building that, and then I help you to do that.
So thank you for joining me on this podcast. I had so much fun with this story and thinking about it and I laugh at these socks and I laugh. And maybe one day, maybe one day I will knit these Scandinavian type beautiful Christmas stockings. Or maybe I won’t. But as I think about you and listening to this podcast and really having a desire to being thin, I want to encourage you to know that your body has intelligence, your body has all the answers. And as a life coach, I give you your power back. It is one of the most exciting parts of my life.
You know, ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a mom. I just had this song that I sang “when I grow up I want to be a Mother and have a family.” I sang that song. I pretended I was pregnant. Like I just thought being a mom would be the best thing ever. And truthfully, it is. It’s amazing being a wife, being a mother. I am so, so happy to be a mom to my five kids, but I saw so many women who gave everything to their kids. And so when the kids left, they didn’t know who they were and they didn’t know what they were doing and what their purpose was and so much of their joy was in other people, and it wasn’t for themselves. And I was worried about that.
And so I started quilting for people and I thought this will be a great way for me to build my own skills and to be my own person. And it totally has been. I loved quilting for people. I loved that business. But when I started helping women to truly change their relationship with themselves and they could create that own happiness and joy within them and have that true independence. It has been one of the greatest honors I can ever imagine.
And you know, they have that expression about being a fly on the wall, in our live coaching calls and as I’m interacting with these women, I get to have these insights of how their lives have changed. Because they have finally embraced these tools and they are empowering themselves and they do the work. I am so, so happy for them and I of course would love that for you. So if that is something that you are ready to do, learning the foundations, learning how to be a person who is permanently thin. I would love you to check out my lifetime membership, Love Yourself Thin. All right. Take care everyone. Bye-bye.