Do you often find yourself feeling exhausted at the end of the day but not truly fulfilled? Do you struggle to accept compliments or downplay your own achievements? If you’ve ever felt like you’re undervaluing yourself, this episode is for you! We’ll explore the common mindset traps that lead us to overlook our own value and how to start shifting those habits today.
In this episode, I’ll share practical tools and real-life examples to help you recognize when you’re undervaluing yourself and how to break free from that trend. I dive deep into why we often feel responsible for others’ happiness and neglect our own needs, and I’ll guide you through actionable steps to start celebrating your worth. Plus, you’ll learn how to set goals and create an environment that supports your growth—both mentally and emotionally.
If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think about hunger, sign up for the lifetime access of The Pieceful Heart Membership! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- How to identify if you’re undervaluing yourself and why it happens.
- Simple strategies for shifting your mindset to prioritize your own value and happiness.
- The power of consistency and how small changes can create lasting transformation.
Please continue to rate this podcast, and follow me on Instagram for more tips and support.
- Watch this episode on YouTube.
- If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think, sign up for the lifetime access for The Pieceful Heart Membership! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
- Leave me a review in Apple
Full Episode Transcript:
170. Unlock Your Self-Worth: Overcoming the Habit of Undervaluing Yourself
Do you find that you often are going to bed very tired, you work really hard, everything you do, you’re often really tired at the end of the day, but you don’t feel satisfied or fulfilled? What about, do you have difficulty accepting compliments? And then how often do you catch yourself comparing yourself to others?
Do you maybe spot your mistakes easier than your accomplishments? Do you also find it difficult for you to take credit for the things that you have in your life? Someone compliments, Oh, you have a beautiful home. Do you kind of push it off? Um, what about, do you, um, you might think that you are just lucky and that you haven’t, you don’t really deserve everything you have.
Um, what about if you just assume other people are as good as you at everything, everyday things? Like you don’t see your own genius. And then the last question I have is, do you often miss your unique ability? Like when someone says, Oh, you’re really good at hosting. You’re like, Oh no, that’s just normal.
Okay. So these are some questions and if you can say yes to any of them, I’m so glad you’re here. My name is Dara Thomason. I am the quilters coach, and this is podcast episode 170, undervaluing yourself and how to shift that trend.
Okay. I’m going to give you lots of examples in this podcast, and we’re going to look at how we shift this, uh, really it’s an unconscious, very unconscious trend that we have, that we have for ourselves, but it’s really actually debilitating. And um, I wanted to, I’ve been actually working on this podcast for about a month and a half because someone actually said this to me.
Oh, it sounds like you’re not valuing yourself enough. And it kind of went into my heart and I could see this little girl worrying about being prideful or all the things, and we’re going to talk about that in this podcast, but I have a commitment every time I do a podcast to share a win for my membership.
And the reason I have that commitment is because. I will never forget listening to Jodi Moore’s podcast and Brooke Castillo’s podcast and thinking there’s no way I could be like them. There’s no way I could have this kind of success. And it actually blows my mind the kind of things, the activities, the life, the, the The reality of my current life because I actually learned how to become someone that I don’t live their lives.
I’m not, I didn’t want to be, I don’t want to be Jodi Moore. I don’t want to be Brooke Cascio, but I want to be someone who can create my own amazing version of my own life, my own way. And these tools have helped me to do that. And one of the important parts of that tool is showing. You, the listener, and if you’re watching, um, that it’s actually possible to change.
And it’s a lot easier than you think. And so I’d like to give examples of the members in my membership because they’re just like you. They listened to the podcast. They were really excited about the things that they learned. They signed up, they showed up, and now they’re living this life that they didn’t think that they could have.
And this year I’m really focusing on the ripple effects of what the choices that they make have on their family members, on their neighbors, on everyone around them, because they are a different person. And at the beginning of every coaching call, we always win, three wins every time. And, um, the wind that I want to share for this one, let me just get it out.
Oh yeah. Um, so one of my clients, she, So her daughter, um, and her husband, they had a big move to another state and then they moved back and it was a lot of turmoil. There was that the house didn’t sell and so they couldn’t buy another house and they had to rent a house, but they really wanted to live close to her and it was just really challenging and she was really struggling because she tends to, like a lot of us, do, uh, do a lot for other people.
Um, And this move, she, because there’s a couple of moves, she said, I’m going to let them, this is what I’m willing to do. This is what I’m going to dedicate this amount of time. And then you’re on your own. And the benefit of that is that now the kids who are, you know, grown up and have kids, her, her daughter and son in law.
Um, they are now able to step up and see how much more capable they are, um, and they can, it will surprise them because the only experience people have is what you give them. And, um, it’s been really fun to watch my kids as they become adults and see how they navigate things. So my son recently, uh, he moved back, um, to school and he had a single bed and it was really uncomfortable and he
Really liked his queen size bed when he was home for four months. And so I said, okay, what are you gonna do? And so he was able to go and figure out how to get a bed how to get delivered And it was just so awesome to see him really taking those reins and me not Swooping in and saying I’ll I’ll help you.
I’ll do it. I’m a good mom. I will know it’s like you’re capable. You can do this. I believe in you. All right, so Let’s talk about these ways that I, these questions I ask if you’re undervaluing yourself. So you work really hard at everything you do. Do you give yourself credit? Are you coming home tired?
Are you going to bed tired and not feel very satisfied? Do you accept compliments? Do you? Actually own the wonderful life that you’ve created. Can you actually even see that you have a wonderful life? So, these are some really good questions. Now, why do you think this could be a problem for you? Well, one of the reasons is you were taught that it’s your responsibility to take care of others.
It is an expectation, similar to washing dishes after you make them dirty, or to brush your teeth. It’s a duty or a task. So, do you agree with me or not? I’m, I’m curious. So let me give you an example of brushing your teeth. So think of the extraordinary benefit of superior dental care. When you do a great job at brushing your teeth, you are so much healthier.
You also have greater confidence because of these pearly whites. You’re also avoiding dentures, which can be uncomfortable and annoying, right? Think about corn on the cob. So
Do you value your wonderful dental hygiene? As I say that, there’s a piece of broccoli. I love it.
Or do you just say, Oh, this is just what I do. Um, another example, having kids. So if you approach raising kids as a duty, you miss out on all the joys along the way. You miss out on the connections and the benefits that make life extra awesome. So if you’re just constantly like, I have to brush my teeth, check and don’t appreciate it, I have teeth and I have the ability to make this big change for myself or with kids.
Like I, so another example. You’re going to love this one. So making a quilt and gifting it. Some people will make a quilt out of duty, or some may make a quilt out of proving their love. Then, when they give the quilt, they have all sorts of, yes, attachments, strings attached, which is super unhealthy. You also get yourself in a conditional relationship, which ties your joy to the extent of how well The gift, how well they treat the gift, uh, the quilt, super unhealthy.
This is like this codependency, right? In order for me to be happy, you must act a certain way. So the reason I give these three examples is because essentially we undervalue ourselves because we aren’t the decider, that’s a new word I made up, of our own power and authority. So we claim our power by creating our own rubrics on what makes our life awesome and beautiful.
So I want you to ask yourself, what is the criteria that has to be met for you to believe that you had a great day? And in the book, um, the gap and the gain, he actually talks about how, um, a friend of his has made a decision that these are the 10 things that he will decide. So he’s, he, uh, prone to be successful and in his, um, this friend of his says, I can wear whatever I want.
I don’t have to wear a watch. Like he had like these 10 things that said, if I do these things, then that means that I am having the best life. So I had some ideas here. I take care of my spiritual growth and wellbeing. I move my body in some way that feels good. So I walk, I stretch, I lift, I rest.
Um, number three, I serve someone with no strings attached. So if I’ve done that in the day, that means I’ve had a good day. Uh, number four, I honour my obligations with neutrality. Like I just do it. It’s like, that’s who I am or of love, but I don’t want you doing it out of resentment or frustration. Um, number five, I appreciate myself for my efforts.
So are you appreciating yourself? Are you saying, you know, good job, Dara. I’m so proud of you. Um, and number six, when I feel discouraged, frustrated, and resentment, I can articulate why. So those were just some ideas that I had that would help me see how I’m not undervaluing myself. Now, In the worksheet, I have these questions, and I want you to rate yourself on how well you’re doing with honoring your body.
So with food, sleep, movement, water, how are you doing? Are you prioritizing that for yourself? What about honoring your brain? So these are along the same idea that I had with the criteria. Um, you know, are you learning new things? How is your self talk? Are you de junking your thoughts? Are you getting rid of old thought patterns?
What about your honoring relationships with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your neighbors? Are you making an effort to go out and do things with them? Are you being the kind of mom you want to be, or the kind of wife, or the kind of friend or neighbor? Are you honoring that for yourself? And then, are you honoring your quality of life?
So, are you just constantly busy, busy, busy and doing everything for everyone else? Or are you giving yourself this beautiful time like this for the next three hours? I’m going to be really creative for the next 30 minutes. I’m going to be really creative. So in this work as a life coach One of the things that I do is I help connect our brain power to our bodies and our body to our brain.
So we are, we are now connected. So one of the things that was super fascinating to me, um, when I was gaining weight in my early twenties and I’d go shopping, this is not a word of a line. I would go to an old Navy, for example, and I would try on a dress and I would try on the dress and I’d say, why does this dress, why isn’t it fitting me properly?
This is crazy. Like I can’t like, I’m a size six. And it was like a size 18. I’m like, wow, they are really crazy with their sizes. Like they have, I was so detached from my body. I had such zero body awareness that I didn’t realize how big my brain, my, how big my body was. I didn’t realize how big I was. And so, I mean, a lot of the dresses I wore were loose fitting dresses and, and, uh, Pants and things.
I don’t know. I was so oblivious because I didn’t want to connect to myself. And so this whole life coaching approach to weight loss is so amazing because we are now connecting our brain to our body and our body to our brain. And we’re learning how to manage all the discomfort and all the frustration and the clenching stomach and the heavy chest and the.
You know, the nervousness we’re allowing it, and it’s such a beautiful thing because we’re finally letting ourselves be human. So I love this book, um, called Be Your Future Self now by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. I think I’ve listened to it at least three times on my podcast. Sometimes when I go for walks, it’s just me and myself, sometimes it’s with a book, sometimes it’s with, um, just like me, uh, question, asking a few questions and I give myself time to answer those questions.
So I have different kinds of walks, but I love this book so much. And, um, there’s kind of five ways that have really helped me think about change. Now, I have a tendency to undervalue myself and part of it is I was, I got this idea that you’re not supposed to brag about yourself. Like even my son who plays basketball at college, he’s like, mom, am I bragging that I’m telling people that I’m on a college basketball team?
Like this is how extreme it is. It can be. And I said, Oh, honey, honey, I’m. So sorry if I gave you this wrong idea of being proud of yourself and your accomplishment versus being boastful, you know, and growing up as a Christian girl, um, you know, we talk about the danger of pride and thinking you’re better than someone else.
So what I’ve, what I’ve been teaching my kids and really myself is it is if I would celebrate my five year old or my 12 year old for their accomplishments, they are becoming better. Like my, um, like if, if I could say, Hey, you know what? I saw that you, you, um, just did the dishes and you didn’t, you weren’t asked.
That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. Like way to go. That’s really great. That’s showing me that you’re becoming more of a team player in our family. I love that. That’s great. Right? Like I would celebrate that. I would acknowledge that there was, um, a development, a progression. And so. I wonder if that’s another one of your blocks.
So, one is our, it’s like a duty, a task, like brushing our teeth, versus I love having teeth, I love taking care of them, I’m so pleased that I can just do this, it’s a habit, I don’t even think about it. Raising kids, I’m so glad, it’s not a duty, it’s not a task, sometimes there are things that are duty and a task, but that doesn’t have to be all of it.
And then, um, so, I don’t know. This, uh, idea of change, of progression and of evolution is so important because otherwise life is pretty brutal. Like if you’re just always going to do the same thing and be the same, like I love that expression. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.
And that’s not very inspiring, is it? It’s not very exciting or enriching. So in this book, I love how he talked about these five principles. The first one is you need to have a concrete goal to reach for so you need to actually write it down and say, I want to weigh a certain amount. I want to, um, spend at least an hour being creative a day.
I want to, uh, move my body for 10 minutes. I want to drink water or whatever that is. So it’s like, I want to, uh, the, the main goal is like, I want to feel, uh, Like energy in my body and be able to trust myself that if I say I’m going to do something, I’m gonna do it. So, make very clear on the goal that you want and then you can reverse engineer how you’re going to do that.
The second one is identity needs to be changed. So see yourself as you want to be. So if you find that you’re a human that spends a lot of time doing things out of duty, like brushing your teeth and you’re like, like living your life, like a checklist, I want you to start thinking, what does a woman who just brushes her teeth because she loves her teeth and she wants to take care of them, how does she approach that task?
See, I always, I’m always like, actually yesterday, my son, he’s 12, I was like, brush your teeth. And then I actually went into his room and I smelled his teeth and I was like, you didn’t brush your teeth. And he’s like, I’m like, why wouldn’t you want to brush your teeth? I just love brushing my teeth. Like I love knowing that I’m doing such a good job at taking care of them.
Number three, the environment that you are in will influence you. So I have these kids and they all play basketball and we talk about basketball and actually My son organized for, like, four friends, yeah, four friends to come to the church. We’re all gonna, they’re all gonna play basketball, right?
They’re influencing each other and they’re wanting to get better and better all the time. So it’ll be like those five boys. And that’s so cute that they’re, that he organized that all on his own. Um, so what kind of environment are you in? Are you putting yourself in an environment that’s supportive and loving and nurturing?
And if you’re not, you know, I do have this amazing membership. I’m just saying like, or you may be a church or whatever that is like, or it’s a good guild or a negative guild. Maybe you need to leave it. Maybe you need to make some changes. Okay, number four is to overcome resistance, rather see obstacles as opportunities.
A lot of women will say, ugh, it didn’t work out. I guess, you know, you have the little, the biggest, the first, sorry, the first moment of opposition. You’re like, oh, I guess that wasn’t meant to be. That’s, that’s, we want, we want obstacles as opportunities. Last year, a woman was coming, and one of the ladies was coming to my retreat.
And her flight got canceled, and then rescheduled, and then canceled, and I think she ended up being in an airport for like, I don’t know, I think it was like 18 hours. It was, it was terrible. And she kept, she’s like messaging me and she’s like, I’m not sure when I’m going to get there. I’m so frustrated. I kind of just want to go home.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then when she got to the retreat and she was able to get into it, I mean, she had an incredible time. So it’s an opportunity to say, I’m committed to me. I’m important. I’m not going to quit on myself. Okay. And the last one is the power of consistency. So if you want transformation, it is a marathon.
It is not a sprint. And I want you to give yourself that grace. Because you would not expect your little four year old to learn how to tie their shoes the first time you taught them. So why would you expect yourself to change, especially when you’ve been operating out of a lot of false, falseness, right?
We had a lot of mis, we had a lot of misunderstandings in the eighties. They told us to eat fat free and they said no fat at all. And you just eat Twizzlers and you’ll be fine. It’s a lie. So I loved sharing this podcast with you. And I want to, to really spend some time being reflective of, yeah, I don’t value myself.
Uh, dear, I’m going to work on that. Um, and then just remember last episode, I talked about imposter syndrome. There might be parts of you that just feel like you’re not valuable enough. And then the last thing I want to say that I would say all day every day is that your worth as a human has already been decided.
You already are a plus, plus, plus. And now you just get to decide what kind of life I want to have? What sounds like fun to me? What sounds great? And then you just get to pursue that. Okay. And if you need help with that, I’m here. All right. It was so fun spending this time with you. I will see you in our next episode.
If you aren’t loving your current life and hear yourself saying things like, I should be happier. I should be getting more done or question how productive and fulfilled you are. This podcast is for you. I’m Dara Thomas and professional quilter turned life coach. For Quilters, where I show you how to overcome obstacles like perfectionism, people pleasing, overeating, over complicating life, so that you can really start to enjoy your life by learning and using tools for your brain to help you transform your everyday living.
Are you ready to make these changes? I’m ready to help. Let’s start your transformation. One UFO At a time.