162. When a Problem Feels Impossible to Solve

Do you have a problem that you’ve been trying to solve for a long time and you haven’t had any success? Good thing you came to this podcast, I’m Dara Tomasson, and this is episode 162, the quilters podcast. We are going to be talking about when a problem feels impossible to solve.

Are you ready? This is going to be a good one now. The one thing that really attracted me to life coaching in the first place was when I was scrolling on Instagram, She said, I have a way to solve any problem now. This is called the model and she literally solved any problem I had, that’s in my membership.

Today we’re going to go a little bit different. In taking this question when a problem feels impossible to solve, and I’m going to take a different angle because I want to help you. To really look at your life. See what’s going on and start feeling a lot more empowered. This is just my goal for this podcast is to help you to look at this a little differently.

Before we go into the bulk of the podcast, I do want to share a win. From one of my clients she didn’t feel like she had a waist. And now she’s down in weight and she can wear a waist.

She can wear a dress. And she wore pigtails and a swimming suit and went to this. 4th of July party. She just had so much fun. Her family could tell that she was doing so much better because she was telling jokes, using conversations. She didn’t care so much about what other people thought.

Just like I say to you, What happens is when you do this work, you actually become who you really are. You’re not causal looking over your shoulder, worrying about what other people think of you.

Let’s go into this podcast. I want you to just. write down what are all the problems you have right now? I know that’s a lot. Guess what happens when you write them all down? It actually takes off so much pressure. You can put me on pause. But I want you to take that minute or three and write down what are all the problems that you’re having right now. I want you now to think about what were your main problems when you were a kid? Write those down. Just even four or five. The Problem you had as a kid is, you couldn’t make your bed very well. Your mom got mad at you or your friends. It would make fun of you because you weren’t as fast as they were or you had a Snoopy shirt and they thought Snoopy was silly.

I don’t know. Then what were the problems you had as a teenager? About fitting in, worrying about people accepting you. Maybe there was some peer pressure. I don’t know. What were your problems as a teenager?

Then what were your problems as a young adult? Making a decision about your career and education being disciplined enough to finish an education. Or making your dollar stretch.

Your problems as a newlywed. What were your problems with your career? What were your problems raising kids? I want you to just take a minute to reflect back on these things that used to keep me up at night. These are the things that made me crazy. I was so worried.

I wouldn’t be able to do keep up with it

The next question is. How did you overcome those problems?

What were the things that you did to help you to solve them?

You just learned how to cope. You learned how to talk to your friends when they are being mean. What, were the things that you did to change that because when you were a kid and people were making fun of your Snoopy belt,

What would you say?

Something like, Hey. I like it, that’s what I like matters most to me. It’s not your belt. Doesn’t matter to you. Or when you were a teenager and people were giving you peer pressure about, I don’t know, smoking or I have such an embarrassing story when I was in grade eight. This boy tried to kiss me and I slapped him in the face. Yeah. ’cause.

I was like, I don’t kiss boys and until. I’m older. Just go back and think, okay, how did I solve that problem? Did you go and talk to someone you trusted? Did you evaluate your goals and question, what are the things that are the most important to me? When you write this down, maybe you went for a walk, maybe you just let yourself cry and feel the emotion. Write down all of these strategies that have helped you in the past. Because guess what? The only person who can truly move the dial in your life. Is you.

People can give you all sorts of advice. They can share their wisdom. They can show you their five step plan. They can do all sorts of things. But unless you actually are the ones to do the work it’s not going to make a difference. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. It’s the same thing with us.

You can have the best parent in the world. Or the most wise person to tell us what to do, but if we don’t do it and get done.

What works best for you?

Are you able to do that for yourself now?

This next question might hit a nerve a little, if we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got. If you are. 50 years, 50, like me or 65 or a 78 year old. Woman. You’re still dealing with the same issues. It’s because you’ve now made this habitual thinking and you haven’t allowed yourself permission to work through that issue and to really see what’s going on. take a guess. That is probably one of your problems. Is that. You don’t think you’re good enough.

I’m going to make another guess that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to have success in this certain area you’ll never fully feel satisfied. I have a feeling that you have some version of that. There might be another one where you feel like you were never really heard, you were never really listened to.

You were never really understood.

Those problems fast forward to today. It blows your mind that you are a grown woman you’re still dealing with these issues. That’s really hard.

I’m going to just share a hack. The first step is.

I have a problem. We have to acknowledge this is actually my problem. The more detailed you are at being able to solve it. So if you were a kid shopping With your mom. And there was a pair of running shoes that you really wanted, but they were lace ups. You had a problem. A very specific problem.

If I don’t learn how to tie my shoes, I can’t get these shoes. Now I need to learn how to tie laces.

Then you can go and figure out how to tie laces. Do you see how specific that is? It might sound so ridiculous. It might sound so elementary. That’s actually how we solve problems. We have to break it down. That’s number one, break down the problem.

Does your worth as a person have anything to do with this problem? Now you might think that’s really weird. Dara, why are you asking me that? Because so many of us think if I don’t get a certain number on the scale, or if I don’t get, build my Instagram or if I don’t, build my business or if I don’t get my kids to come home at Christmas or if I don’t, whatever that is. If you put yourself in a conditional relationship.

If I don’t do this, if I don’t get this, then I can’t be this. That is a recipe for disaster. In fact, that’s a ton of pressure . My sons have a sports coach. She’s very clever. One of the things that she teaches is the greater the distance between your expectation and your skillset the greater the pressure. If you don’t have your expectations dialled in. The pressure is going to increase because we’ve assumed that you’re going to do something you haven’t done before.

The skill set is pretty low, but then if you, Increase The pressure and the expectations, then it just makes it a lot worse. We just have Building pressure. The scenario of shaking the pop bottle. It will just explode. Does that sound familiar?

So the first step.

Is. Articulate the problem.

The second one is to reduce pressure by asking. Does this affect my worthiness? Or

How does this goal being achieved affect my worthiness?

I already have the answer for you. It doesn’t. You are worthy as a person. It’s already been done. That can take some pressure off. We’re taking pressure off by articulating exactly the problem we’re taking pressure off by articulating that your willingness is not determined by this.

Step that I want you to take is how will my life be impacted? By me creating a fulfilling goal.

Now, this is the fourth step. This is a neuroscience hack.

I want you to imagine that you and I answered number three, that how, and I’ve written it on the, on our sheet here of the impact of this problem being solved. You asked yourself that question and then you and I are going in a time machine.. We go on a time machine. Have we actually gone there? We go to that version of you that’s accomplished that goal. I actually take myself out on a date. I have a date with myself, my future self who’s accomplished the goal. I started asking her all sorts of questions. Like, how did you do this?

How did you accomplish this? How does that feel? Then I answer it from the version of me, that’s accomplished it. I truly remember this as a little girl, I got a pair of kangaroo shoes.

Do you remember kangaroos? I remember running up and down the store. to my mom, look how much faster I am. Because I have the shoes so fast. I actually became the fastest girl in my class. I believed it so much.

This is how we make our goals. This is one of the ways.

I want you to spend some time with that future you and get that wisdom. Because. This is the deal. We have to take the pressure off. When we want to lose weight, we put so much pressure on ourselves to lose weight. It’s not going to happen. It will happen for a little bit. We’ll get a little bit of leeway. That’s not sustainable. That is why I’ve been able to lose 50 pounds and keep it off since 2019. Because I just made a decision. I made that decision.

I’m going to lose weight without counting calories without stressing out about measuring food and.

It’s amazing to me.

It’s all possible for you.

I used to hate hearing people say that if I can do it, anyone can do it. But it’s actually true. if you were a builder and you had a bunch of tools and someone spent all this time. helping you. anytime you had any question, building that house. all you’d have to do is just dial them up and say, Hey, I can’t remember exactly how to do this.

They come and help you. You’re a hundred percent going to finish that house. the only way you wouldn’t finish that house is if you quit.

It’s exactly what happens when you join my membership and you get this whole toolbox. the membership you get the portal, you watch the mindset videos, then you get the tools. The modules are the tools and they describe them to you or the worksheets. You have the classes. the coaching calls. And then you have Ask a coach. Then you’re not confused anymore. the only way that you don’t get the results you want is if you quit. But guess what? I have. Videos that come out every week to you. Of saying, Hey, this is what we’re learning this week in the modules.

So after 12 weeks, I sent a video saying, Hey. Is this the model that you’re having or is this what the thought you’re having? This is the result. I can help you with that. I have five or six of those. So for the first four or five months. You’re getting.

Coaching for me sent to your email.

It’s incredible. I remember Jody Moore invited to. Go on a date with my 90 year old self. I thought that was really weird. I was like, what is she even saying? But I did it anyway. And. It was amazing. The wisdom that came from my 90 year old version of me.

I really want to encourage you to do that for yourself. I’m recording this on a Saturday with my boys are at camp. It’s coming out on August 22nd and I am going to be in Hawaii with my kids.

Fulfilling a dream that I had. My 90 year old self told me what I was going to do.

I’ve been able to pay cash for it. be with them and not be distracted. Because I have So many tools. All right. I love you all. I’m so glad that you’re listening to this podcast. I’m so glad that you’re invested in yourself. This is the best news ever.

If you want more help with learning about your body and how it’s changing, Through menopause, perimenopause, through whatever it is, my program is focused on helping you truly become your own best expert. I have an incredible program for that . So there’s so much to look forward to. You truly can make your own transformation and I love helping you find that inner knowledge and wisdom that’s just waiting for you to unlock. So that you can create permanent change for yourself.