Do you feel like you are triggered when people talk about weight loss and it’s really, really annoying and frustrating. I also feel triggered. I also feel annoyed. Especially now that I’ve lost the weight and I keep it off with relative ease because they’re doing it all wrong. It’s like watching somebody painfully doing a task that, you know, could be done so much easier and better and effective. I feel your pain and that is why I have this podcast.

That is why I have a lifetime membership. Today’s podcast is summertime, love, which I did on purpose because it is a little bit triggering and you’ll be so surprised at what we’re going to be talking about. I can’t wait for you to listen and to do the worksheet that’s attached. It’s going to be really helpful to ask yourself a lot of questions and see what’s happening. You’re going to be really surprised by actually what I’m sharing today. How do we love our body?

What does that look like? So if you’re listening to the podcast, you can download The Workbook for $9, register for the class, which is going to be at the end of June 24th to 27th. If you’re listening to this after you can get the replays. But. Also, if you belong to my private Facebook group, you can register, you can get it for free.

The life of one of my members. Because that’s really important to me that you can see. How everyone’s lives are affected by the work that you do for yourself. This is about a member who was missing her family and her family lives all over Canada. In the past she would spend a lot of time asking different people, what days would work for them and kind of making sure that she didn’t bother anybody too much and trying to accommodate everyone’s schedule and with five different locations, five different family members, that gets really complicated. She was able to do that with so much less stress.

The fun part about that is that everyone benefits because she’s not needing them to be a certain way. She just shows up powerfully and they just get to enjoy her. Dan Sullivan talks about this concept of being the buyer and the seller. So let’s say it’s a really hot market and you have this hot commodity of this house. That is a really great location. All these people want it. You have a certain level of confidence. I have this asset that you want. And also lots of other people want it.

I have the higher advantage. That’s what’s happening with my members because they are seeing their value. They’re seeing what a strong and amazing asset they are to the lives of people. The lives of their family members. They show up so much more confidently. They can say what they want to say.

They’re not worried. I had a client yesterday talking about how she still feels in fear of her kids because she has a friend Whose son has disowned her. She’s always feeling like he could do that to me. She’s not seeing her own worth. That was a huge win.

Let’s dive into summertime. Body love.

I listened to this one podcast and it’s also a YouTube, that’s kind of where I got the idea from. I really like watching them there’s two people that do it. I like watching them. I feel connected to them. But there are times when I don’t have time to watch it because it’s usually an hour. If I don’t have a lot of time, I will just listen to the podcast because I know how to speed up the time. But if I, if I’m just doing other things and I can watch them, maybe if you want to listen to me faster, I think I talk kind of fast, but you can listen to the podcast, but the YouTube. You can, we can see each other.

I do YouTube for those who are on the podcast. If you go over to my YouTube, then you’ll see me and you’ll see the worksheet. I always have the worksheet beside me. Then that way you actually know what I’m talking about. If it’s worth it to you. To print it off, then you can. I do the work or you can just have it on your screen and do it and put it on pause and do the worksheet right here.

I just wanted to let you know some options. But here on YouTube I’m showing you the summertime body level workbook. I really am a huge fan of workbooks because obviously in my 10 years of being a school teacher, I know the importance of sitting, reflecting, learning. We all learn in different ways. What I like about the way that I structure these workbooks is it helps you to start being engaged with yourself. In something that’s hard. Take you from where you’re at. I encourage you to really go into your own brain. Now I talked about this in the last episode about having. Like when Harry Potter found out that he was actually a wizard and he was, there was this whole society of wizards and. Then he understood who Dumbledore was and Dumbledore is a super wise wizard who has so much knowledge and abilities. Harry came from this great heritage of his parents. It was really hard for him to tap into this great power that he had, but he didn’t know he had, and this is a story that we hear with Luke Skywalker and with the Hobbit and all of these Bilbo Baggins and all these characters were. That’s why it’s so endearing.

I just read this book, Building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller. It was really fascinating. Talking about the hero story. That is one of the reasons why life coaching has been so powerful to me because I honestly didn’t realize how much power and authority I had in my own life.

I thought I was the victim to so many things. I, now that I’ve begun Dolphy and the. Dumbledore. Yoda. For so many women. It truly blows my mind. That once we find our own power and really embrace it we can, we can transform ourselves. I’m not done. I’m not done with my transformation. In fact I’m always evolving and growing. But it’s so exciting to me because I know that I can, I just have to go deeper and deeper. And just like, if we were going deep, dive, deep sea fishing, right.

At the surface you can kind of. See the little fish and you can kind of take care of things, but the more, the deeper you go. The harder it is, but the rewards are greater and greater. That is one of the reasons why I do this podcast is so I can help you see the possibilities because if you don’t even know that it’s possible, then you can never transform.

I’m really interested in hearing your feedback on this episode, because I’m talking at the beginning about what was your what were your current? What are your thoughts about your body? Or about your life or about your productivity or trustworthiness? We’re not just talking about bodies.

That’s just a circumstance. We can talk about it. How many quilt projects we start and we don’t finish, we could talk about the quality relationships we have with people. We could talk about your mental health. Like, are you constant? Are you constantly having anxiety or depression? Are you numbing yourself out with social media?

Yesterday we had a coaching call. One of my clients said, I can’t believe it. I just spent the last two hours literally on my phone buffering. Then I had a notification that we’re having a class. She said it made such a difference for her. I gave her a challenge.

I said, why don’t you get a bunch of jars and put the emotions that you feel you can get 20 jars, 20 different emotions, and every time you feel one of those you can put A little marble or something in there. she was so excited about the idea that she went and got the jars and she had a label maker and she made them, and it was so rewarding to her to recognize that it was okay to feel loneliness.

It was okay to feel sadness. Because it also meant that it was okay for her to feel joy and it was okay for her to feel all those things. When we look at this summertime, body love. We get triggered because we think our bodies have to look a certain way to be acceptable. Amazing so good that we got triggered by that because we know inside of us instinctively. Who likes Brooke shields or I don’t know. I’m just thinking of the famous Naomi Campbell. I think that’s a famous model. Like all of those people, they are not more worthy than us, even like Elon Musk or Steve jobs, people that have made so much money, Oprah Winfrey. They’re not better than us. They just have done different things. They can just contribute to the world in a different way, but they are worth their value.

The problem is when we think that our body has to look a certain way for us to be acceptable, or we have to have a certain amount of. Quilt accolades or marital status or the kind of address that we have. What kind of house or car? It Is the kind of beautiful kitchen. When we buy into all of that, then we’ll always feel in a deficit. I remember one time, this is such a silly story, but.

It’s a real story. I had two little kids at the time and we lived in a small town where they were jogging strollers, I thought that would be amazing. I could walk, I could run. I could jog with the kids. I only had two at the time. We had a drive to the big city and it was this big deal going to this fancy bike store. It was $550.

And this is back in no 2005. That was so much money. I wasn’t making any money. I had just, my daughter was barely a year old. I think that was like a quarter of what my husband made a month he was articling to be an accountant.

When I was we’d saved and I was so happy and that just brought me so much freedom. I walked the kids to this playgroup and I had this thought. I have the fanciest stroller of everybody. Probably in town. I remember thinking, oh, that’s crazy.

And then the next thought came.

Tomorrow someone could buy a fancier one. They could see this one and they could go and get the upgrade. At some other fancy bike store and then I wouldn’t have the fanciest stroller like it’s so fleeting. I still remember where I was. I remember having those thoughts and I remember realizing, oh, that’s so interesting, Dara. It just helped me have such a perspective. I hope that as you listen to this podcast, and as you hear my words and my thoughts and bring them to you that you can start having those kinds of thoughts with yourself. You can start questioning some of the things that you have believed in the past. That you thought was just who you were. When I was growing up My mom would say, what do you want to be a teacher or a social worker?

Those are my choices. It was wild, it’s funny because I’ve talked to my siblings and they don’t even remember having conversations with my mom about going to university. But for some reason, my mom was convinced that I should go to university. And she didn’t have those same conversations with other siblings but I had two choices.

I. Choice of being a school teacher. Or a social worker. They were thinking. This is a big decision. Well, I could have been anything. But that wasn’t in my preview. It wasn’t even op it wasn’t even offered to me. It’s really interesting now thinking about how entrepreneurial I’ve always been.

What’s the summertime body love I’m talking about comparing your body to a sewing machine. I want you to think about it before we go into that. What we’re so just like for me, my mom said, do you want to be a teacher or a social worker? The same thing, we get different messages from society.

It’s like do you know, you need to look like Barbie or you need to look like Betty Boop or whoever it is. If you don’t look like them, then you’re not acceptable. Where did those thoughts come from? I want you to kind of think back . I remember when I was about 12 we went shopping and I tried on a pair of Levi’s. I remember them being kind of tight in my thighs and I thought, oh, I must have big thighs because these jeans don’t fit me that well. Meanwhile, I didn’t even know what size I was.

I’m obviously getting the wrong size of pants, but thinking, oh, I guess this is starting now. I guess I’m just going to not like my body anymore. Cause that’s what I’ve saw my aunts and my mom I literally remember as a five-year-old my mom laying on her bed trying to get her zipper up and

Asking me to help her pull them. Two pieces of the pants closer together so she could do the zipper up, I’m this five-year-old. I don’t understand, you know, she had six babies. She had just had my brother and she wanted to know if these pre pregnancy pants fit her. I have all my own interpretations of that.

We all do. That’s why we all have to become our own experts. We all have to look at what were the perceptions that we had, even though my mom, I’m sure, didn’t have like this. She didn’t, she didn’t wake up and say, I want to make sure that my kids really worry about their body. Even if my mom said other things like maybe I didn’t believe her, so I’m not throwing my mom on the bus at all. But what I am doing is I’m creating an awareness for you to start looking at yourself. My daughter is five foot six.

Her brothers are huge. My twelve-year-old is five, nine and a quarter right now. My other boys are 6, 4, 6, 5 and six three. They all have red hair and she has blue eyes. For a while there, she was like, I don’t even feel like I belong. There is nothing wrong with her.

In fact, she is absolutely gorgeous and beautiful and amazing. She doesn’t have red hair. She didn’t have blue eyes and she’s not tall like them. In her mind, if she thought the only way I could be acceptable is if I had red hair and blue eyes and was tall. Then she will always walk around.

Thinking she’s never good enough.

Because of her situation, right. She can decide. It’d be nothing that I said or did. If she made that decision, then that’s on her. so the reason I’m, I’m sharing these examples and I’m really wanting to explore this work with you, is that. A lot of times we’ve had these thoughts. I’m feeling so emotional right now.

We have these thoughts and we feel really scared because we’re not used to feeling afraid of our thoughts. We’re not used to questioning them. What is our tendency? Our tendency is to have shame. When we have shame, what do we tend to do? We keep it in the dark. We don’t ask questions.

We don’t get help because we think, oh, people are gonna think we’re not good enough. So in this summertime, body love, which I would love for you to come and join me. We talk about where those thoughts come from? From our culture, from our society, from our parents, from trusted adults, traumatic events. When maybe someone. I remember. In high school my one friend said to me, I remember her name. She was, she looked at me. I remember exactly where we were in the hallway and she said, Dara you just look Asian more and more every day. Now there’s nothing wrong with looking Asian but the way that she spoke to me and the way that she grimaced her face and how she said it. It made me feel so uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to handle it. I have some insecurities about my eyes now, and I have to remind myself, oh no, your eyes are perfect.

They’re fine. Yes, you do have hooded eyes. And you have your 1% from Finland. They tend to have that kind of eye and that’s fine. You’re beautiful in all your own ways. Someone also made some comments about my cheeks. I had this real big insecurity that I have chubby cheeks, and I have to remind myself, even if I had chubby cheeks. It’s okay. Like it’s, it makes me look youthful.

I have to be able to take the shame that I have and then put some light on it. You’ve heard me once you’ve heard me a hundred times talk about shame , like mushrooms. They grow in the dark and they’re fed poop. If we don’t bring those shameful thoughts up and address them, then they’re just going to grow in the dark.

They’re not, they’re never going to move forward.

Just those questions are really, really helpful for you to look at. Then what I do is I talk about what’s going on in our brains. So our higher brains or lower brains. Then what’s the difference between a thought and a belief? So I’m going to walk you through that. Even if you’re listening to this podcast, after the course, you can get my masterclasses, they’re all in the membership with all the workbooks, everything there’s just a treasure trove of materials and resources for you. Then really looking at it. Where these instructions came from.

One of the things that I would love for you to think about is. If, when you get a sewing machine, first of all, when you get a sewing machine, how do you make the decision on what sewing machine to buy? My criteria for a sewing machine evolved as I became a better sower. When I started to learn free motion quilting on my regular machine it ended up not being fast enough for me. Because that is one of the tricks when you’re learning free motion quilting, the more you can speed up the better you actually can be at doing it. I got the brother 1500, which is a semi-industrial machine, which is really fast. I quilted on that machine for about a year professionally for people and really got good at quilting domestically. I didn’t need buttonholes. I didn’t need fancy stitching. What I really needed for that machine was speed. And I also needed a wider arm.

It has a nine inch throat.

What is the criteria that you want for the machine that you buy? Now, when you look at, you can compare a sewing machine to your body. I want you to think about it. What are the criteria you’re looking for when purchasing a sewing machine? Why are those important?

I want you to ask yourself.

What is your operating manual to take care of you? Because when you buy a machine, There’s an operating manual. Go into detail in the course on. What are the ways that you take care of your body? In an operating machine and then the sewing machine they’ll have different warning systems.

Like if it’s you’re running out of thread or if it needs to be oiled, going through that now Then I give six tools to help you too. To do better at taking care of your body.

I’m just going to share a last thought.

As a recovering perfectionist. I know a lot of you listening to this also have our perfectionist and we there’s that thought about like throwing the baby out with the bath water. Where that came from in my mind is I think about how, if things are not going well, you’re like, I just have to start again. This is so terrible.

Why am I so bad at this? Instead of just wanting to throw everything away and starting fresh. What we need to really focus on is slowing down and saying, why isn’t this working? How I want it. Why is it a struggle? Why, why aren’t I getting the results that I want? Why do I keep eating that?

Ben and Jerry’s at 10 o’clock at night. Why? Am I constantly fighting with this scale or having these issues why am I not.

Closing the loop on these things. Why am I not getting resolution? Chances are it’s because you keep avoiding it. When you have these triggers, like my title of summertime, body love, or you’re triggered by some weight loss, something my question is why is it a trigger?

What, what negative feelings are brought up because of it? What can we do to start really looking at why this is such a problem? All right. I love this so much. This conversation is so important and I want to invite you to continue talking to me about it. And really looking at. Where the struggles are coming from, and I promise you. That. The tools that I have in my program. They will help you overcome all of them. I never dreamed in my wildest imagination.

And I have a great imagination. I actually love writing stories. I love being super creative. I was in a theatre in high school. I never imagined that I could have the life that I’m living right now. It never even occurred to me that I could create what I’m creating every single day. I’m living the life that I got. Never even occurred to me. I’m so glad that I finally got these tools to help open up my mind and my possibilities.

I want that for you too. If you’re interested, First of all register for a summertime body love, for sure. Secondly, my membership is truly life transformational. If you have any questions whatsoever and you want to meet with me on a 20 minute consult. I’m super happy to do that. All right.

Take care, everyone. Bye.

If you want more help with learning about your body and how it’s changing, Through menopause, perimenopause, through whatever it is, my program is focused on helping you truly become your own best expert. So as we go through June, uh, working on our menopause, perimenopause experiences, July, we’re focusing on becoming our own bestie, July and August, actually, with our summertime Um, challenge and then in August, we’re really diving into how to lose the physical weight when you focus so much on the mental.

I have an incredible program for that coming in August. So there’s so much to look forward to. You truly can make your own transformation and I love helping you find that inner knowledge and wisdom that’s just waiting for you to unlock. So that you can create permanent change for yourself.