Do you ever think going out to a restaurant for dinner, attending a quilt retreat, or visiting a friend’s house is a terrible idea when you want to lose weight? Do you show up and don’t even bother trying to be good around food because it’s been so difficult in the past? If this sounds familiar, I get it, and I created this episode just for you.
It’s difficult to see how eating out with friends and enjoying yourself while losing weight is possible. But when it comes to weight loss, experiencing enjoyment is such an important part of making it sustainable. So, if you can’t see how this is possible for you, I’m giving you my Ultimate Guide to Eating Out in this episode.
Tune in this week to discover why eating out, being with friends, and attending events don’t have to make weight loss any more difficult. I’m sharing stories from my clients about the mind drama they have around eating out, and I’m giving you all the solutions so you don’t have to worry about these occasions in the future.
If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think about hunger, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- Why situations like eating out or attending quilt retreats fill so many of us with dread.
- Some stories from my clients of situations they find themselves in when they eat outside of their homes.
- 5 ways we fail ahead of time when we have plans to eat out.
- How to start thinking differently about eating at restaurants, with friends, at quilt retreats, or anywhere else.
- 5 things you can do if you want to eat out without overindulging.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- I have a surprise for you! I have a 5-day training that tells you all the foods you should eat, why you should eat them, and the science behind weight loss. There are women who have lost 20 and 30 pounds just from this training, so click here to sign up for my email list and access the training now. I can’t wait to see how it’s going to help you as you continue to learn how to love yourself thin.
- If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
Full Episode Transcript:
Are you convinced that going out for dinner or going to a friend’s house, or a quilt retreat is just a total write-off when you want to lose weight? Do you just give up and don’t bother trying to be good around food because you have failed so many times before? I get it and I created this episode just for you.
I am Dara Tomasson, and this is Weight Loss for Quilters episode 43: Nailing It: Eating Out at Restaurants, Over at Friends, Quilt Retreats and Weight Loss.
Did you know you could lose weight and keep it off for good? After 25 years of hiding behind my quilts, I have finally cracked the code for permanent weight loss, and I’ve lost 50 pounds without exercise or counting calories. I’m Dara Tomasson, professional quilter turned weight and life coach, where I help quilters just like you create a life they love by losing weight and keeping it off for good. Let’s jump into today’s episode.
Alright, today’s episode is going to be so practical, helpful, and amazing. In fact, I’m going to read some of the challenges that the members of my lifetime membership have with this. And I created this incredible guide for you that you can get at the end of this episode. So here are some of the struggles that they have, and I want you to think of how much you can relate to this.
Temptation, some restaurants are easier to find things I can eat than others, plus sometimes I get tired of salads. Eating out is hard because everything is breaded or has flour, can’t eat lettuce of any kind. Stomach. I usually get a steak but that gets old and expensive. I always end up getting what I know isn’t right for me out of frustration of trying to find something within my personal limited scope. I really struggle with desserts if it’s a place that has one I really like but I can incorporate a joy eat for that. Well-made pasta is my downfall, so I try to avoid Italian places.
Another client, eating out for me it’s ordering too much. I do try and plan what I’m going to order. I order what I really want, and I save half for later. I do that because I don’t want to eat something. I want to enjoy. I can see some thought errors.
Struggles, bread, ingredients. I really should ask for a doggy bag at the beginning so I can divide instead of eating two meals at one time. I’ve found I can skip most desserts 98% of the time, always at fast foods skip French fries and not miss them. Bread would be the big issue. I do like wholegrain pancakes. I actually prefer grilled chicken and veggies, I just ask. Salad is an issue.
So, another client, for me it would be portion size. It’s easy to use a small plate at home but you get a certain size at the restaurant and if distracted when eating it is easy to overeat. At a Potluck there are so many different types of food. I want to sample them all.
This is another one, eating out would be sticking to what I’d planned ahead of time even if I order first and wanting dessert. So, she feels like Potlucks are tempted by all the foods, it’s like a free for all.
And the last two is super interesting because there’s a lot of food pressures out there. So, some worry about what others think, dealing with food pressures, just try this bite.
Another one, being tempted, worrying about what others think, not wanting to explain why I’m not eating what’s offered. Having food in front of me that I love but don’t have often.
So, as you listen to these I want you to think about what are your issues with eating out, with going over to someone else’s house or to going to a quilt retreat or a quilting event. And so, as you just think about that I want you to be open to what I’m going to be sharing today because I’m going to give you five pitfalls of why this is such a problem. And then I’m going to give you some strategies of how to overcome that.
But before we go into the heart of the podcast I do want to share a success that happened over in Love Yourself Thin. So, one of my clients, she just started – well, a lot of the women in Love Yourself Thin have started to travel again. And this client, she’s just entering retirement and she took a plane. She then took the transit to her destination. And in the past she would never have done that by herself. And she was just so thrilled that that was something that she could do it and it’s because she has so much more confidence in herself.
First of all, she’s lost, I think 60 pounds, I can’t remember if it’s 55 or 60. But just her confidence in herself, being able to navigate all of those things. She just has so much more of it and it’s just really fun to watch as she’s exploring and having fun and really enjoying the life that she is living in right now. So that was really fun to celebrate her.
Okay, so let’s dive into the episode where I really want to look at the five pitfalls of why we have such a problem with eating out, I call it failing ahead of time. So, we have temptation, indulgence, not paying attention, scarcity, and fitting in. So, I’m going to address each one of these issues. And we do have the handout, it’s there for you. I want you to have the most success possible.
So, temptation. It is normal to be tempted to order and eat food that you know won’t feel super awesome 30 minutes to an hour later. Your senses are triggered with your eyes, you visually are stimulated by pictures and the plated foods. They spend a lot of time doing that at restaurants. The sound, you hear the sizzle of the food. The taste, wanting more of that delicious food. So, you have instigated your tastebuds. The feel, so there’s different food textures that they lure you in.
The smells of course, memories and associations are stimulated by smells. So, what is happening is we have an urge. So, all these temptations create an urge, and an urge is a desire for something. It’s totally normal. Recognize it as an urge and then respond with your higher brain. Pavlov’s dog started salivating when they saw a white lab coat. They learned to associate food with the people who fed them. You can rewire your brain to desire a healthy strong body rather than a bloated uncomfortable body that you don’t really enjoy being in.
Number two, indulgence. So going out to restaurants or to a quilt guild, or going over to someone else’s house is an indulgence of not having to buy the food, prepare the food, think about the food then do the clean-up afterwards. Most people get confused with indulgence because they think that eating all the junk is an indulgence. However, the truth is that overeating is detrimental to your body. You pay the price of poor health, more pressure on your joints and a lot of negative self-talk. So, choose what you want and indulgence to look like now and let that be your guide.
Going to this restaurant is an indulgence because I don’t have to prepare the food. I don’t have to do the shopping. I don’t have to do the clean-up. That is the indulgence. And in the guide you have several different prompts and I want you to look at those ones of what truly is the indulgence about going out, is it stuffing yourself and feeling terrible afterwards? Or is it giving yourself a break of not having to do dishes?
Number three, not paying attention. So, getting distracted while going out for dinner is super easy to do. You can be distracted by what people might be thinking about you. This is something I see a lot. You may be distracted by your outfit, or your hair, or by how put together someone else is. You are only distracted by your thoughts. If you aren’t paying attention you lose focus, the focus of going out is usually because you are celebrating an event or a person, or you’re wanting to connect with the people you are with.
So, decide on purpose of going to the restaurant before you go. And I have a guide here, write down what is your purpose. And I even tell my clients to write it on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket. So, if you are finding you’re distracted by, what does my outfit look like, what is that person thinking about me, oh my goodness, I haven’t seen that person in a while. And can they tell that I’ve gained some weight? You’re just going to take it out of your pocket, that little piece of paper and say, my focus is to connect with people.
Number four, scarcity. Scarcity comes from lack. Here are some examples. So, I’m not sure if I’m ever going to come back to this restaurant. Who knows if the chef will stay? And I may never get to have what this chef makes again. They might go out of business, and I’ll never have it again. So, these are all scarcity thoughts. So, when you have a scarcity mindset you will never feel fulfilled or satisfied. Being aware of this thinking will save you so many numerous calories.
Here are some thoughts that will help you. I’m so glad to experience this dish. Life has so many options and it’s fun to partake. There is always so much to taste and experience. I will never get bored. So, I have some questions for you. What do you think are some of your scarcity and lack thoughts? You can take mine, that’s why I have them. What are some of those abundant thoughts for you?
So, if you worry about being judged or having comments made you will not have the courage to order what you want versus ordering what you know will help you feel included. So just an interesting example for this. I don’t drink alcohol so I would never be in a restaurant worrying about what other people think if they ordered drinks and I didn’t. That would never even occur to me because I just don’t drink alcohol, it’s not part of my life.
And so, in a restaurant setting, or at the retreat, or at your friend’s house, if you’ve made that decision not eat gluten and they’re serving spaghetti, you can just have sauce, or you could just have salad. If you don’t have a judgment about it then judgment can’t be on the table because you’re not thinking that.
So, for example, if the conversations around the table are all about how they’re going off their diet and that they are celebrating, and they’ll start tomorrow. If you order a healthy meal you won’t really fit into that conversation. Humans are wired to fit in. If you stand out of the crowd too much you can get rejected. Back in the olden days if you were excluded from the pack you would be quick prey. Safety comes in numbers. Good news, you aren’t living in those days and there is safety.
So, I have a few questions here about are you a social eater, really, that peer pressure, what is that for you? And just to get curious of where that came from. So, what would you have to change for you to stop eating foods you know aren’t helping you achieve your health goals? So, I have some tips here. I actually have many. But they’re written on the worksheets so they’re there for you. But I don’t want to overwhelm you so I’m giving you five tips of how to be a rockstar when you go out for dinner. And then I’m going to give you some for a retreat and going out to a friend’s house.
So, decide before you go to the restaurant how you want to feel when you leave the restaurant. This is a very different question than I’m sure you’ve ever even thought about. You can decide ahead of time how you want to feel.
Number two, look up the menu ahead of time and decide what you want to eat.
Three, focus on connecting with the people you are going to be with. If you are going by yourself, how do you want to connect with you?
Number four, recognize every time you have an urge, acknowledge the urge, and then allow it in you. I like to hold my glass with firmness and focus my energy into that as I allow the discomfort of the urge in my body. If I’m standing I will also ground myself. If I’m sitting I will just give myself a moment to say, “Here I am in this restaurant or here I am at the retreat, I’m feeling uncomfortable.” And then just allow yourself the opportunity just to acknowledge it.
Number five, give myself credit for sticking to the plan. Desire is not innate. Desire is learned. You are learning to desire connection with people rather than depending on short bursts of dopamine from false pleasure.
So here are some practical nitty gritty tips. So, if you want a burger you can just ask them to lettuce wrap it. You can set an alarm on your phone for every five minutes to remind you to check in with your hunger level. Check into your body to see if you’re still hungry. Doggy bags are fabulous. Save yourself time later for not having to cook, or plan, or clean, when in doubt don’t order it.
So, with the quilting retreat one of the things that I have found has been really helpful to my clients is they have used these tools, but they would get even more specific. They would call the retreat beforehand, ask them about their food. And if there is not a lot of flexibility then I highly recommend that you have foods that will work for you. So, you bring your own apples, you bring your own almonds, you bring whatever the vegetables it is that you can bring for you. I do have some suggestions on the worksheet.
But what I want to just say to you right now is as just in the conclusion of this podcast is that your relationship with food is between you and food. It has nothing to do with the people at anyone’s house, at the restaurant, at a retreat. The food that you eat is for your body. And what anyone else thinks is none of their business and it’s none of your business, truthfully. This relationship with food is a beautiful intimate relationship. I will be having further episodes coming up about increasing your intimacy with food and your body. But I do really want to emphasize that in this episode.
Alright, the handout is amazing. The tips are wonderful, but I want you to just work through those five obstacles, you really can be surprising the heck out of yourself all the time as you truly apply these tools. Alright, it was so fun to spend this time with you and I will see you next week. Bye bye.
Thanks for listening to Weight Loss for Quilters. If you want more info, please visit daratomasson.com. See you next week.
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