Ep #47: Building Trust with Yourself Around Food

Weight Loss for Quilters | Building Trust with Yourself Around FoodDo you feel like permanent weight loss is impossible because attending guild meetings or family dinners means cake and treats are inevitable? If you currently believe that your willpower muscle will never be strong enough to lose weight and you can’t trust yourself, I’m so happy you’re listening to today’s episode.

The idea of building trust with yourself around food gets a lot of pushback. But if you can develop that internal trust, your ability to lose weight changes dramatically. This episode is the product of work I’ve done with myself and with clients, and I’ve packaged it up in a way that anyone will find easy to understand and implement.

Tune in this week to discover the pushback our brain and body give us when we decide to start paying attention to what we’re eating. I’m sharing some scientific concepts anyone can understand that will show you what’s stopping you from losing weight, and showing you how to build trust with yourself in situations where all your favorite junk is on offer.

From June 20th to the 24th, I’m offering a master course on how to break up with food so you can create your own joy. Click here for more information!

If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think about hunger, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why building trust with yourself around food is so important for weight loss.
  • One easy-to-understand scientific principle that shows you how simple building trust with yourself around food can be.
  • The biggest pushbacks I see when it comes to making a decision to eat healthy.
  • Why our brain and body are so uncomfortable with the idea of working toward developing trust with yourself around food.
  • 5 steps to start trusting yourself around food, so you can feel confident in your ability to create the permanent change you want to see.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • I have a surprise for you! I have a 5-day training that tells you all the foods you should eat, why you should eat them, and the science behind weight loss. There are women who have lost 20 and 30 pounds just from this training, so click here to sign up for my email list and access the training now. I can’t wait to see how it’s going to help you as you continue to learn how to love yourself thin. 
  • If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
  • Jody Moore
  • Biology Dictionary

Full Episode Transcript:

Download Transcript

Do you feel like permanent loss is just as likely as using up all your quilting stash in a month, convinced that attending a guild meeting or family dinner and not eating the cake and treats, would never happen? Disappointed that your willpower muscle will never be strong enough to lose weight and be happy? I am so happy you are listening to this episode as I will blow your mind with what I will teach you today about building trust around food.

My name is Dara Tomasson, and this is Weight Loss for Quilters, episode 47, Why You Can Be Trusted Around Food.

Did you know you could lose weight and keep it off for good? After 25 years of hiding behind my quilts, I have finally cracked the code for permanent weight loss, and I’ve lost 50 pounds without exercise or counting calories. I’m Dara Tomasson, professional quilter turned weight and life coach, where I help quilters just like you create a life they love by losing weight and keeping it off for good. Let’s jump into today’s episode.

So, I have a story to tell you that will be really helpful to set the stage for this episode because building trust with yourself around food, there’s a lot of pushback. And so, this story is going to be really fun to just keep in your brain as I’m sharing this information. So, there were two neighbors, and the one neighbor had these beautiful angora rabbits. They were so beautiful. They showed them in competitions. They bred them. They were well renowned, and they just loved the rabbits.

And one day the neighbor approach the other neighbor and said, “Hey, we’re going to go on vacation. Would it be possible for you to watch our rabbits?” And they walked them through the whole spiel and they’re like, “Yes, this is amazing, I will totally take care of your rabbits.” And they felt really honored to be asked to be trusted to take care of the rabbits.

So, the neighbors went on vacation and shortly after they left the people who were taking care of the rabbits, their dog came into the yard with one of the rabbits in his mouth and it was dirty. And it was awful, and the neighbors were mortified. They couldn’t believe it. They thought how could this happen? They finally trusted us to watch their rabbits and now our dog somehow got into there. And it killed their rabbit. This is awful. What are we going to do?

And so, they kind of talked about it and they felt the best solution was to wash the rabbit, clean it, blow dry its hair and they actually put it in the freezer while they were on vacation so that it would kind of not deteriorate. And just before the neighbors got back, they placed this rabbit back in the hutch. And just thought, okay, hopefully they’ll just think that the rabbit just died of natural causes, and it will be okay. So, they did that, of course they are feeling extremely squirmish. They are so uncomfortable. They just hope for the best.

They’re just really, really uncomfortable. They don’t want the neighbors to think that they are bad. They don’t want to be accused of being irresponsible. And they definitely didn’t want to have any conflict because they really like these neighbors. They got along so well with them, and they felt they had come so far. So, the neighbors came back and the next day they came over with a little gift that they had brought for them. The neighbors were very nervous about what they were going to say.

And halfway through the conversation the neighbor said, “You wouldn’t believe what happened. A day or two before our vacation one of our rabbits died and we buried it in our yard in this very special place. And then we came back from our vacation and that rabbit was back in the hutch and it was all clean and beautiful. We don’t know what happened.” So of course, the story, you can put all the pieces together. But this is what I want you to be thinking about during this episode.

I’m going to be teaching you something to learn to trust yourself but you’re going to have a lot of pushback. And just like the neighbors, they were so concerned about the pushback that they weren’t open to the possibility that this rabbit might have already died. They might have already buried this rabbit. We don’t have all the information. And so, today’s episode I’m going to be actually sharing some science stuff. And it comes from the biologydictionary.net.

So, the first principle of permanent weight loss is that weight loss science is simple. So, I’m going to teach you a weight loss science principle that’s very simple. Remember, I used to teach Grade 5 and 6. These are not difficult concepts. But unless we have them in our understanding just like with a quilting concept, or any sort of concept, if we don’t have an understanding of what they are, we’re not going to have a framework or a baseline to understand what’s going on.

So, in this episode I’m going to teach you about one of the biggest pushbacks of why we are overweight and why we don’t trust ourselves. And then I’m going to walk you through how you can resolve it. The handout for this week is a really good one on figuring out your own pushbacks. And then as you listen to this episode you can start applying some of those concepts to yourself that you can start creating permanent change and feeling confident that you can do that.

But before I go into all of that I want to share just something that happened in our community. We always start every call with three wins. And one of the ladies, it was her first week in, she has some chronic pain and so she involves going to the doctor, which is usually quite a trip from where they live. They have to go into the big city and part of her and her husband’s tradition is they always stop in at the donut shop. We have them in Canada called Tim Hortons, they’re a big chain.

And they always go into Tim Hortons, and they get their special treats because this is just part of their tradition. So, she went through that, and her husband said, “Okay, what can I get you?” And she said, “Actually I don’t want anything.” He said, “What do you mean? We always get something.” She’s like, “Actually.” And this is what she said which was so powerful, she said, “I am learning to listen to my body and I’m not hungry and I’ve decided when I eat that food, the donuts or whatever, it doesn’t make my body feel good.”

And she got some pushback from her husband and then when they were in the big city doing the doctors, they went to the grocery store, and she bought food that she knew was going to feel really good. And on the way home from the trip she realized, I have some hunger. So, she was able to eat, she bought some hardboiled eggs and some – I can’t remember what else. But she had this food ready for her. And it was so much fun seeing her smile, it just got bigger and bigger as she realized that she can be empowered around food.

And that she can have pushback from her husband and that’s okay, that she has a voice, and she is ultimately responsible for herself. And I love that.

So today we’re going to talk about how, and by the way, she went to one of my masterclasses and lost eight pounds just from the masterclass. And now that she’s in the program, it’s just going to keep going and going. And I will be talking a little bit later at the end of the episode about the next masterclass that I’m going to be offering. So, make sure that you look at the show notes also, everything is linked in there.

Okay, so I’m going to teach you about one of the biggest pushbacks that you are getting when you decide to eat healthy. Not only do you have a mental pushback, but you have a physical pushback. So, what happens is when we stop eating the flour and sugar that we’re used to eating, so we have kind of conditioned ourselves to eat all the food. So, when we do that when we say, “Okay, you know what? It’s Monday morning, I’m not doing this anymore. I’m just going to eat really well, I’m going to be really good.” So many people say that, “I’m going to be really good.”

But what starts happening by nine or ten in the morning, you really want that piece of toast. And you really want the muffin or whatever that is. Because your brain goes into a dopamine withdrawal. Your brain is saying, “Can we just have some more of that? That’s so good. That just always makes me feel good. When you give me chocolate, in that moment I just have some relief.” Because that’s what our brains want, we want to feel relief. So, your brain is now giving you pushback.

And then your body, it actually gives you pushback because it goes into a glucose withdrawal. It says, “Come on, let’s get some more of that sugar. It’s an easy fix. Let’s do it.” And then your body gives another pushback where it says it doesn’t want to use its fat stores, so it says, “Let’s get really hungry.” Because it doesn’t want to be efficient. It doesn’t want to have to go down to the freezer and defrost stuff. It just wants a quick easy, just give it to me kind of thing.

So now you’re getting another pushback and then one of the most challenging pushbacks that is going to happen is that when you stop buffering or you stop hiding behind food then you’re going to have to start solving problems. So, if you are used to thinking, you’re mad at your husband or I shouldn’t use husbands because I love my husband. But if you’re mad at the guild ladies and you think, they’re being ridiculous. Instead of looking at why you think they’re ridiculous or what you could actually do, or maybe you could take some responsibility for yourself.

You just turn to food, now, when you’re not turning to food, that’s a huge pushback of having to deal with it. And I like to use the analogy of you have a really messy house or a messy sewing room or something. And you walk in there and you’re like, “Oh, this is a disaster, this is so annoying.” And so instead of just getting to work at cleaning it up, you just think, well, I’m just going to turn the lights off. So, when you turn the lights off then you think you’ve solved the problem but really the problem is always there. That’s what buffering is.

You have a problem, you don’t want to deal with it, so you hide, or you run away, or you do whatever with the food. The issue of course is when you’re walking around in a messy house, or a messy storage room, or a room, you keep tripping over things so you’re not ever really able to live the life you want. And so that’s the pushback.

So now that we’ve set the stage, let me explain about this idea of homeostasis. So, your body wants to maintain homeostasis. It wants to stay the same. It requires a lot of energy to change. Just like if I was to teach you a more efficient way of doing a half square triangle. You’re like, “Well, I don’t know. The other way wasn’t that bad. I didn’t mind trimming all of those.” And I say to you, “No, really, you don’t have to trim anything, it’s perfect.” So, it’s that initial amount of energy to say, “Okay, I have to learn something new.”

That’s what we talk about, we can be uncomfortable now and learn how to deal with it or we can be uncomfortable later which is procrastination. So let me teach you about homeostasis. And I’m reading from the biology.net. So, this might sound a little science, and that’s okay, it’s very simple. So, homeostasis is an organism’s process of maintaining a stable internal environment suitable for sustaining life. So, for us we have our room temperature that we like. We like our house at a certain level.

If the weather outside gets really hot, the air conditioning will kick in and it will cool that room. Or if it gets really cold outside the heat will kick in and it will heat that room. So that room will always stay the same. And so, as humans we like homeostasis. We like staying the same. So, the word homeostasis derives from Greek with home meaning similar and stasis meaning stable. When used as an adjective it is homeostatic. We normally think about homeostasis in terms of the whole body.

But individual systems, that is groups of organs also maintain homeostatic conditions, nonetheless prolonged imbalance is just one system can negatively impact the homeostasis of the entire organism. So, I’m going to give you an example about a fever. So, the homeostasis is a regulatory procedure. So, it’s just like our thermometer in our house. So, in the human body what it does is it regulates the ratios of water and minerals, our body temperature, and our chemical levels.

So, if we have a fever basically what’s happened is we have all of these germs and bacteria that come into our body, that we get from going to school, or the doctor’s office, or high traffic areas. And so, we have got this process, the human immune system, our lymph nodes, and enzymes, and T-cells, and B-cells, and all these things. They are always working on keeping us healthy. But there are some germs that are really tough, and we can get a fever.

And so, whether it’s as mild as a common cold or as severe as tuberculosis, some strains or varieties of disease overcome your first line of defense and make them your host. So that’s all that’s happened. And then your [inaudible] raises the body’s temperature making your insides both unwelcome to and saying, “Yeah, we don’t want to live here, it’s too hot.” And then it remembers that, that’s why it will fight that bug and then it will remember, hey, wait a minute, we already fought this bug.

So, what’s happening in our body for insulin, because remember, weight loss science is simple. There’s only three hormones that we need to regulate. So let me just explain this whole insulin thing because we talk about blood sugars, but we need to really kind of understand those a little bit. I don’t get super technical about these things just because it’s not important to me. But if that is something that your doctor’s talking to you about, this is going to help you understand a little bit better.

So, in a homeostatic condition our bodies keep our blood sugar within a tight range. So, our body wants to be between 70 and 100 milligrams to be exact. However, this is a delicate balance, our weight, diet, age, and activity levels can easily push us out of these normal levels. So, of the blood glucose affecting factors listed above, so our weight, our age, all of that, diet plays the largest role. That’s why we really focus on the food in Love Yourself Thin.

So, whether old or young, underweight, or overweight, diabetic, or non-diabetic we use food to manage our blood glucose. We typically recognize its ability to raise levels but even this benefit can be taken too far. Now, especially since the dawn of processed foods, our diets have become increasingly sugary. While we have consumed complex sugars like the ones that come from fruits and greens for centuries, simple sugars like those in candy and cereal only hit our system a few decades ago.

So, what’s happening now is simple sugars reach our bloodstream fast and can therefore cause blood glucose levels to surge in as little as half an hour. To balance our blood sugar and maintain homeostasis our pancreas produces insulin. So, insulin is the hormone that converts glucose to energy, that’s why insulin is so important in this process. So, people who have Type 1 diabetes they are not able to create their own blood sugar. So that’s why they need to inject insulin.

People who have insulin resistance, they have too much insulin, they’re eating way too much, and their body is just producing so much insulin and storing it in all sorts of places. And they get what’s called Type 2 diabetes. And what’s been one of the biggest problems is that the doctors have been prescribing people with Type 2 diabetes with more insulin and which is now making it worse. And that’s why people have gangrene, and they lose their sight.

And they have all sorts of problems because their body is an insulin producing machine and it can’t keep up and so their organs start shutting down. So now that you understand a little bit more about that. And I know that I’ve touched on this before but it’s really, really helpful that you internalize it. This becomes just your own navigating star, that you understand what’s happening because when you’re eating from a diet, you’re not, just like in a past episode I talked about learning long division.

If you didn’t understand the process of long division you don’t really know how to troubleshoot it. So that is why I explain weight loss science, it’s so simple. It’s so easy. And so now when you are at a potluck, or at a restaurant, or at the grocery store, you have this really basic understanding of weight loss science so you’re like, okay, so if I eat this granola bar my sugar is going to go through the roof. And I’m going to have this crash and doesn’t really sound great.

If I want something sweet maybe I’ll have an apple where my digestive system will work it out and I’ll get minerals and nutrients and that’ll feel really good. Because one of the issues that we have with weight loss is that we all need to eat. We do need food. And in fact, food is really good for us. Our digestive system is so grateful. The minerals and nutrients that the digestive system extracts from food, it’s awesome.

When we take time to take care of ourselves and eat healthy, and chop those vegetables, and eat those vegetables, and take time to be in our body, we’re sending a message to our bodies like, “Hey, thank you so much. I love you, body. I’m so glad that you do all the things you do for me.” It really is a way for you to take care of yourself instead of saying, “Oh, man, body, you’re so annoying.”

So going along with this, you’re going to have pushback because what happens now is you have  your homeostasis, it’s like you have the room temperature really, really hot, or really, really cold. You have made it very unbearable to be with yourself. And so, I’m teaching you how to create the baseline back to a normal baseline. And I got this concept from Jody Moore. I had the privilege of being in a workshop with her in April of 2022. And she talked about the GPS. And I love this analogy. And I really want to offer this to you.

It’s going to really help you get back to a regular baseline. Our bodies are used to having sugars. But now we’re getting these simple sugars from candy and cereal. And this has only been happening for decades. And so, it’s been really hard for our body to adjust. And so, I want to help you to decrease your desire for those things so that your body can go back to this healthy baseline that was what our bodies were used to. It’s like we’re a hardwired computer. This is going to be really helpful for you.

So, when you use a GPS the GPS says, “Where are you right now?” It’s like when we’re at the mall. We’re at the mall and it says, “You are here.” So that’s what the GPS does. Now, the GPS does not say, “What the heck, why are you here? What’s wrong with you? How many times have we gone to the chocolate bar aisle or being on the scale and saying, how can you get to this weight, you’re so irresponsible to yourself.” The GPS doesn’t do any of that. The GPS just says, “You’re here.” Neutral, no judgment, nothing.

And that’s what I want for you. I want you to step on the scale and say, “I weigh 193 pounds.” Because this is the next thing the GPS does, the next thing it says is, “Where do you want to go?” And so, you literally just put that in the GPS. So, if you want to go to 130 pounds, the GPS says, “Okay.” And then not only does the GPS say, “Okay.” But the GPS says, “Are you walking? Are you on a bike? Are you in a car?” And it will show you all the different ways of getting to your destination without any pushback.

But you have a human brain that is now needing to go back to a new baseline because if your brain is so used to getting that dopamine withdraw and was getting that glucose withdraw, and getting the, you know, doesn’t want to use your fat stores, and doesn’t want to deal with problems. Then you’re going to have a problem. You’re not going to be able to lose the weight. Because what’s required to lose the weight is to allow the dopamine withdraw, and to allow the glucose withdraw, and to allow the body to access its fat stores and to deal with the problems.

That is what was required. So, this is probably one of the most frustrating things about weight loss it’s like, okay, you say all these things, but I want practical real application because so many of you are just so busy all the time. And you feel crazy busy, and you feel so out of control. So, I’m going to just show you how when you understand that your body doesn’t want to change and you’re going to have pushback, and you can’t be neutral, this is what I want to show you.

Birthday party planning. What is your usual – I’m going to say it, room temperature. What do you normally do for a birthday party? Do you usually go way overboard, you focus on the food, you buy so much sugar, everything is all around that? Or is that what your room temperature is, is that the normal thing you do? Or do you focus, you don’t make the food as big of a deal, but you focus on, let’s focus on celebrating my kid. Let’s focus on having really fun activities, and creating really fun memories, and having meaningful connections. So where are you in that area?

So, holiday planning as well, are you spending days and days baking, do you spend the whole day cooking? What is your focus and why? What about celebrating an accomplishment? So, if you achieve something at work, or one of your grandkids, or someone, do you automatically go to the food or do you go and you talk to them, and you celebrate with them, or do you buy some art supplies or something to even recognize what’s happening?

When you go on a date, if you go on a date with your husband, or your spouse, or on vacation, is the whole focus on food or is it just spending time together, going to beautiful hikes, and just enjoying the beauty around you, and just really connecting? Or are you spending all your time eating and focusing on planning your meals and then feeling like you have to have naps afterwards because you ate so much? Where are you spending your mind juice? Where are you spending your energy on? What about getting through the day?

So many women talk to me about having their bowls of chocolate chips, and their bags of chips or whatever, doing their baking, just to make it through the day, that chocolate always around. So, they can just get that little dopamine hit. The big ones that I see a lot of ladies really struggling with is they feel like they’re crazy busy and out of control. And when they feel that way your body temperature is the only way that you can feel like you are accomplishing anything or feeling any goodness, validating yourself is through the busiest checklist. And then you just are run by your checklist.

And you’ve got to do all these things to validate yourself and so then you don’t sleep very well because you have to put more things on your list to run your life, to feel good about yourself. I’m going to share with you five steps on how to stop these patterns of behavior. And then I’m going to give you some thoughts that you can borrow from me and put that thought on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket. And this is something that I still do. It’s going to really help you to understand that you do have power and that you can make these changes.

So, this is what I recommend you do. The first thing is we need to slow everything down. We talk about autopilot. We talk about habits. And you just slow it down and see what’s happening. Sometimes it’s really helpful just to visualize, I’m watching myself in a movie. So slow down and see what’s happening and one of the best ways to do that is to articulate and say, “I’m slowing down, I’m looking at why my stomach feels all clenched, What is the emotion?”

So next is you put your hand on your chest and find the emotion. This is just so important. I know I’ve mentioned it in the past. But I’m telling you, this is also part of how we learn. We learn through repetition. So, you put your hand on your chest and you find what emotion is happening in your body.

Three, you accept that you had a thought that resulted in the feeling. Remember, our feelings only come from our thoughts. That is the only place we get a feeling from. So, if we have a thought, I love that baby, or that baby’s so cute, then we’re going to have an emotional response. If we have the thought, I’m going to be late, you have an emotional response. This is the way the human brain works. We cannot argue it.

Emotion does not come from a donut. The donut is just what it is and then we have a thought, we eat it and then we have a physical reaction, the dopamine. And then we have a thought that produces a feeling of relief. This feels so good.

Number four, decide if you want to keep that thought or not. So, humans have the ability to think about their thinking. We have the factory brain, and we have the CEO brain. The factory brain just does the same thing over, and over, and over again, gets really efficient and that’s awesome. So, if we have really efficient habits, amazing. But if we have really bad habits that just go on autopilot, not amazing because we don’t get the results that we want. So, we get to decide if we want to keep going with that thought or we can change it. It’s beautiful.

And then number five, we move forward in our higher brain. The CEO brain that says, “I want to understand what the pushback is and then I want to create a new level of homeostasis.” I mean one of the things we talk about is the glass ceiling. Especially the clients who have lost 70, 80 pounds, they just can’t believe how powerful they are. They never ever imagined themselves as being powerful. So, it takes some time to believe it’s possible for you to be that person.

The only limitations are our thoughts, so we need to work on, deciding on purpose if we’re going to keep a thought or not. So, it really is in our power. So here are some thoughts that are going to help you and that you can write on a piece of paper. And you can carry them around in your pocket or put them on your phone screen or whatever.

Welcome to being a human with human feelings. I usually just say, welcome to being a human because I know that to be a healthy balanced human, I have to have 50% positive and 50% negative, that is the balance of the scales. So even that’s a great thought of life is 50/50. If I want to be a balanced human I need to embrace that life will be 50/50. Another one is I can do hard things. I actually do love this one too of before I tied shoes, I never tied shoes before. We’re always in the process of learning. There’s another thought.

This one has been so helpful, I am going to feel uncomfortable now or later. I may as well be uncomfortable now and like that I didn’t eat that thing because if you eat the thing now yeah, you don’t feel uncomfortable in the moment but five seconds later, you’re going to feel uncomfortable because not only did you eat the thing that you said you weren’t going to eat. But now you have the reality of those calories. So, I’d rather just be uncomfortable, count to 15 or whatever I need to and then I’m good to go.

It’s kind of like brushing my teeth, I’m like, if I fall asleep on the couch or something, I’m like, I don’t want to brush my teeth. And I’m like, no, no, no, I’d rather feel uncomfortable for the minute that it takes me to brush my teeth, even just if you’re lying in bed and it’s so cozy, and you have to go to the washroom, you’re like, “Oh.” Do you lay there being uncomfortable, knowing you have to go to the washroom, or do you just get up and you just go the washroom? And you’re like, “It took me a minute.”

And then the other thought that goes along with today’s theme of the podcast is I am the GPS and not judge myself for why I’m here and I am going to focus on moving forward. So, I love this episode, it was so much fun. All my episodes are so much fun. I have so much fun creating them for you and preparing them. In fact, I love creating content so much that I have had this master course percolating in my brain for a long time. And it’s going to happen June 13th to the 17th, and it’s called How to Break Up With Food So You Can Create Your Own Joy.

You’re not going to be depending on food to bring all your joy to you. So, the invite to this is in the show notes and there is a quiz. It’s extensive. It’s a 100 questions but it’s going to help you see where your weak spots are with creating confidence with yourself and food. You also see some connections with other parts of your life as well, especially with relationships because your relationship with food is the reason you’re overweight, because you haven’t created this healthy baseline.

It’s like the new normal, that’s such a good way of thinking about this, it’s like with COVID at first it was being six feet apart and wearing masks, all that was not at all the norm, it was not our baseline. But as we understood about COVID and safety protocols and all of that, we were able to change our baseline or our homeostasis to that’s just what we do.

This master course, it’s going to help you break the vicious cycle of food addiction and to learn how to create your own joy independently. I cannot wait for you to join, it’s going to be so amazing. And if you’re listening to this after, you can get all of my master courses online. They are all included in the price of my lifetime membership, pay once and you’re in for life. Alright, take care everyone, have an amazing week. Bye bye.

Thanks for listening to Weight Loss for Quilters. If you want more info, please visit daratomasson.com. See you next week.


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