Happy (almost) New Year! Are you the person who doesn’t make New Year’s Resolutions because you don’t want to be disappointed? Do you make resolutions and goals because you feel like you’re supposed to, but you don’t really trust yourself to follow them? I see what’s going on here, and this episode’s for you.
New Years is just a few days away, and today, we’re talking about goals and resolutions. We’ll talk about what often goes wrong. Sometimes we make goals and plans that we know we can’t stick to, and that just sets us up to be disappointed in ourselves. When we can create sustainable resolutions and plan for ups and downs, successes and failures, then we can set ourselves up to achieve our goals. Let’s get started.
75. Weight Loss and New Years Resolutions
Are you the person that doesn’t make New Year’s resolutions because you don’t wanna be disappointed? Well, this episode is for you because I see what’s going on here. I’m Dara Tomasson. This is Love Yourself Thin episode 75. Weight loss and New Year’s resolutions.
Happy almost New Year, all of you. In fact, today is my oldest son’s birthday. He’s 20 years old. 20 years ago, I was thrown into the life of Parenthood and it has been one of the most amazing rides I’ve ever experienced. So love you son, and so glad that I could have four other awesome children who are still at home. Well three are still at home. And I love watching my kids progress and grow. It’s a thrill. So shout out to him. He’s so awesome.
All right, so today we’re gonna be talking about New Year’s resolutions, and I’m curious… who is team I don’t make resolutions anymore, I don’t make goals anymore because it’s too painful. Or team, I do make goals, but I don’t really trust myself very much because I don’t really follow them, they’re just a formality, I feel like I’m supposed to. Like where are you on that spectrum of making goals?
What I wanna do before we go into the episode is I always share something that’s happening over in Love Yourself Thin because I know for me, when I listen to these podcasts, I think, oh my goodness, how could I be that person? And I remember back in 2018 listening to my first Life Coach podcast thinking how can you be so powerful? How can you be so empowered? And it felt really scary and it felt like it couldn’t be me. And so that’s why I share these wins from members of Love Yourself Thin because remember, once they were you, right? They didn’t have those tools. They didn’t know it, just like me. Before I knew what this whole life coaching was like, trained my brain, like look at my brain, all that kind of stuff, it was very confusing and it felt like random. And you had to win the lottery or something. It just didn’t seem realistic.
But that’s why I like to share these real life examples. And one of the wins I’m gonna share today is I have a client who, she’s had a plateau and this is normal and she has lost six pounds in a week. And when I asked her, why did she get that result? Basically, she has been focusing a lot more on two really simple things. One is tapping into loving herself, and it’s interesting because people say that and they say, what are you talking about? And she was reading a Louise Hay book called Heal Your Body. And one of the things we talk about in Love Yourself Thin is that pain is a way for us to understand what’s going on, or like thyroid issues or those kinds of things. And we can learn those.
And so she has type two diabetes, this client of mine, and she has lost 60 pounds working with me. But one of the reasons why you can have type two diabetes is you can have a longing for what has been like you have this yearning for a difference, having a different life, a different situation, and you feel like there’s no sweetness left and you spend a lot of time trying to control other people and yourself. And it was interesting just that insight and tapping into that love of herself because I mean, the whole basis of Love Yourself Thin is to unconditionally love yourself, to stop putting conditions on yourself. And in that past week, she was able to really drop that weight and it’s giving herself permission and safety and I’m just so happy for her.
So let’s go into today’s episode as I share about how we can embrace New Year’s resolutions in a way I don’t think you’ve ever really thought about, because I know I hadn’t until I was preparing for this podcast. So a resolution is something we’re trying to resolve. Now we can talk about a resolution as far as, you know, when you think about our sewing machine, it’s a full circle, right? It’s a resolution of the bobbin going around and around. So that’s a resolution of that. But when you look at the definition of resolve; to settle or find a solution, or to decide firmly on a course of action. And then the noun is a firm determination to do something.
Okay, so to resolve means you have to take a stand. Now you need to make up your mind. Now, when you’ve made up your mind and you’re taking a stand and you take action, guess what happens? You get pushback. People could reject you for taking that stand. So it feels very dangerous. And so when you feel there’s danger, right? Because there’s gonna be some opposition, people will judge you. You could get pushback or feedback, there could be a whiplash. And so for all of us triple Ps out there, perfectionists, people pleasing and procrastinators, we have real danger in taking a stand because people could reject us. We could be rejected, and we are wired not to be rejected.
So I’m gonna talk about this from a weight loss perspective, since this is a weight loss podcast and it’s something that I know all of you can relate to. Now, let’s say one of your New Year’s resolutions is to lose weight. Okay. I had that for every single one that I did starting at the age of 21. And so you could lose weight with keto. You totally can. You could lose weight with Weight Watchers. You totally can, you can lose it with Jenny Craig. You name it, any sort of weight loss program out there in the world, you could lose weight that way. And then you can make a resolution and you can say, I’m going to lose weight by Noom or Weight Watchers, or even Love yourself Thin.
Now, the problem is since you took a stand and you said, I’m going to do this, if you aren’t able to follow through on yourself, like I can say I’m going to do 15 pushups every morning, but I don’t always feel like doing 15 pushups every morning. And sometimes I forget that I said I was gonna do it, and sometimes I will get distracted, I will have somebody come in. We can say we want to do something, but we are gonna have to build our trust with ourselves that we will do that thing. And so when we say, I’m making this resolution, I’m gonna settle or find a solution, I’m gonna decide firmly on a course of action. I’m gonna be firm and determined to do something. We also need to plan that we’re going to fail, that we’re not gonna do it immediately, that we’re not going to be able to withstand the urge sometimes. So we’re going to fall off the bandwagon like so many people love to say. And then we don’t plan for the times where we didn’t quite get it the first time we thought we were gonna get it done.
So then what are we gonna do when that happens? And this is the part that I love in this podcast because I have this concept and it’s been coming up a lot in our coaching this past week when, you know, life is hard. It’s hard to learn new things. It is. It’s hard to learn new things. Some things are harder to learn than others, but it is hard, and so I like to offer that either way, whether you take a stand or you don’t take a stand, it’s gonna be hard. So you could, for example, if you say, I’m gonna lose weight with Weight Watchers, well, you like the idea of losing the weight and you know Weight Watchers works. Lots of people have done it and it’s gonna be hard to follow a plan. It’s gonna be hard to weigh food. It’s gonna be hard to do all of those things, but it’s also gonna be hard not to. It’s gonna be hard not to lose weight.
Now I recommend that Weight Watchers, if you are someone who likes to weigh food and likes to play games with that and who likes to be dependent on certain plans then that’s you, fill your boots. My process, of course, is to love yourself and to care about yourself, and to talk to yourself kindly and to solve problems. Because that, for me, feels sustainable. That’s something that I can do for the rest of my life. Every time I brush my teeth in the morning, I say, Hey, girl, how’s it going? Like, you got a big day ahead. Like let’s take care of you. And you’re gonna have some urges and you’re gonna want to overeat and that’s okay, but we’re not gonna do that. And if you do, I’m gonna forgive you and we’re gonna move on and we’re gonna get curious and we’re gonna solve that. That, to me, feels like that’s gonna be a more sustainable way.
So it’s December 28th. And you say, okay, I’m gonna do some New Year’s resolutions. I’m gonna take a stand. I’m gonna settle or find a solution. I’m gonna decide firmly on a course of action. Now the problem is you do a Google search and you say, okay, I’m gonna choose this plan. I’m gonna do keto, or I’m gonna do Weight Watchers, or whatever it is. And then the problem is that you don’t give yourself permission to fail, to evaluate, to look at things in a different way and to work through the difficulty. So you’re setting yourself up for failure.
So this is what I wanna recommend to you. I wanna recommend for you to go a step further. You say, I want to lose weight. So you say, okay, it is 2023, I wanna lose 50 pounds, or I wanna lose, whatever weight you want to lose. So you’ve settled on a decision and you decide firmly on a course of action. But I want to let you know that you’re not gonna know your best course of action unless you fail a lot of times, unless you get a lot of data to say, oh, wait a minute, I need to work on only eating when I’m hungry. I need to work on processing my urges. I need to, whatever it is.
So my recommendation, when you go and sit down to write your resolutions, I want you to resolve that you are not going to beat yourself up, that you’re going to allow yourself to. And to evaluate and to look at it again. I recommend every morning you step on the scale and say, Hey, how’d it go yesterday? How was my eating plan for me? How’s that working for me? Oh, I see that I’ve been consistently gaining weight. Hmm. I wonder what’s going on. I wonder if I’m drinking enough water. I wonder how my sleep is going. I wonder if I am having a lot of extra sugar that I don’t need. Hmm. I’m gonna take a look at this. And really looking at the higher picture of why do I wanna lose this weight? What’s the impact gonna be in my life because of it? And then allowing yourself to go all in on creating that result for you.
In your resolution, it is going to be hard to take a stand. It’s also going to be hard not to take a stand because it’s hard living a life knowing that you’re not going to get a different result, knowing that next year you’re gonna be at the same place, if not heavier. And beating yourself up.
I have a client who bought my program last year, the beginning of the year. And she was Gungho, so Gungho, and she just was so excited and she found my podcast very inspirational. She found my YouTube very inspirational. She felt like she was just so pumped up and it was worth paying the $2,000. And over the course of the year, she has not shown up, and there’d be whole stretches like two or three or four months where she doesn’t show up to any calls, she doesn’t show up on Facebook, and she felt really, really bad about herself.
I reached out to her recently and I said, Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t been coming much. What’s going on? Let’s chat. And it was really interesting to talk to her and she was so busy beating herself up of why she wasn’t coming, that she was missing the point of what the whole program was about, was to love yourself so much that you care about yourself so you eat food that makes you feel good and makes you feel wonderful. Because afterwards you’re not bloated and you definitely aren’t gaining weight.
So after having a conversation, she decided that what she was gonna do was she was gonna write me a report every week about where she’s at. And so I’ve been getting her reports and they’ve been really sweet. And one of the things that she said in the report to me this week, “it’s going to be difficult to attend the calls and complete the modules over the next couple of weeks with so much travel, I’m thankful that I do not feel guilty and I’m okay that I will do the best I can. I’m learning that this is a journey, not a race to the finish line. I really love gaining insight into my own behavior and look forward to more revelations.” And so as soon as she took that pressure off, as soon as she was able to say, you know what, I’m giving myself permission to enjoy my family time, and she’s made a resolution, she has a few non-negotiables that she knows that she’s gonna be able to follow, but as soon as she takes that pressure off, she has a completely different experience.
And that’s what I wanna offer to all of you. And so as you’re listening to this podcast and I do hope that you will write down some resolutions, I really hope that you take that time to write down what do you really, really want? And then I want you to ask yourself, why do you really, really want that? And then when you make a decision, let’s say you say, I wanna lose 50 pounds. You know, do you like your reasons for wanting to lose that weight? And do they feel like love? So then when you’re checking in once a week or every day, when you’re weighing yourself on the scale, you can say, Hey, how’s it going? How are you doing? Did my theory or my idea of how I think I’m gonna lose the weight? Is that working for me or do I need to change some things up? Right?
So let me conclude this podcast episode. So when we think about New Year’s resolutions, and you can apply this podcast to any time of the year. Anytime you wanna make a goal, anytime you wanna make a change, I want you to listen to this podcast and I want you to follow these guidelines. So what are you actually trying to resolve? Where is a conflict? Where is there trouble in your life that you don’t want to have anymore? You want to resolve it. You want to have it taken care of, and so you need to settle and find a solution. You wanna decide firmly on a course of action and then have a firm determination to do something. And when you take a stand, you’re going to have pushback, you’re gonna have feedback, and you’re gonna have potential judgment, and you could be in trouble. So just expect that you’re gonna have opposition. People are gonna judge you, and that’s okay. It’s hard if you don’t take a stand and it’s hard if you do take a stand.
So when you take a stand and you are determined to fail forward, right? To fail and then to resolve it and fail and resolve it and troubleshoot and problem solve, tweak and evaluate. That is hard, but at least you know that you are on the road to resolving your problem. So if, for example, you know that Weight Watchers worked for you, that you lost weight with Weight Watchers and you decided, Hey I’m gonna do this measuring thing. But if it’s not sustainable, then start looking at the things that did work and then capitalize on the things that worked, and then the things that didn’t work, you can let those things go. Okay?
So when I teach my clients about resolution and finding that solution and realizing, okay, this is what I think is gonna work. I teach them to be willing to be vulnerable. Now, one of the things that has really been a game changer for my clients is my 90 day workbook and what I did with a 90 day workbook is I took the five pillars of permanent weight loss; so weight loss science is simple. Number two is you create your own eating plan and troubleshoot it. Number three is you allow yourself to feel feelings. You have that brain body connection. Number four is you learn to take responsibility for yourself. And five, you build self-confidence. So I took those five pillars and I created a 30 day cycle. So 30 days of lessons, small little lessons that you read and then you reflect on how your day went, so what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what could I do better next time.
And so they do that 30 day cycle three times. Because every time we go through the next 30 days, I make the lesson of that day just a little bit more advanced than the previous cycle. And so you’re building, it’s like you’re not going from lifting five pound weights to a hundred pound weights. You’re going from five pound weights to eight pound weights, and then you’re gonna go to 10 pound weights. You’re gonna just build that muscle as you go. And when I find that we resolve, when we can break it down into bite size pieces and we can take that ownership for ourselves, evaluating what works best for us and owning it for ourselves, that’s when permanent weight loss, that’s when it becomes a reality.
So there we go. That’s what I wanna offer to you. I wanna offer to you that you’re trying to resolve a problem and the problem is overeating and when you turn to other people’s solutions, you can decide that you can take theirs and use theirs all the time, and then you can just commit to that, or you can commit to creating your own. And what I wanna offer is that when you allow yourself to evaluate, to look at it, and to be empowered you can make that permanent change. And I am offering, we’re gonna be starting our 90 day workbook, again, January 9th.
So when you join Love Yourself Thin, you will get the workbook mailed to you or you can download it and you can print it off as much as you want. And you can start just like the drips of a tap in a sink. Eventually that sink will get filled up and as you daily, just those little practices every day, as they become second nature, you will totally create a new life. Just like bad habits do it for us, let’s make the good habits and help to make that permit change. It was so awesome talking to you all. If you’re listening to this in real time, have an amazing New Year’s Eve and all the best for 2023. Take care everyone. Bye.