#70: Weight Loss and Manipulation

Do you feel like no matter what you do, how much you’ve tried, how much money you’ve spent, time you’ve spent trusting all these different gimmicks and things that you’ll never lose the weight? Well guess what? I used to think that too, and now I can tell you 50 pounds later, no counting calories or exercising, I have lost that weight and kept it off for the last four years. This episode is for you. My name is Dara Tomasson and I am the Weight Loss Coach for Quilters and the founder of Love Yourself Thin. And today’s episode is Manipulation and Weight Loss, episode 70.

All right. Do you feel like you’ve been totally manipulated by weight loss? I know I do. I totally do, and I know my clients do too, and it’s a terrible feeling. I hate feeling manipulated. I hate feeling taken advantage of. I am kind of, well not kind of, I’m a Pollyanna. I am always looking at the glass half full, like three quarters full. I’m always looking at the bright side of things and I feel like the older I get that can be a deterrent because I think, oh dear, I should be more cautious. And then when I have been blindsided or I have been taken advantage of, it feels really, really terrible.

So this episode is for you, and this one was a really hard one for me to build for you because it was pretty on the surface for me. So I’m really excited to share it with you. But before we go into it deeply, I do wanna just share a shout out and I am so in love with the ladies in my program and I’m so in love with all of you podcast listeners.

I just had a conversation with a podcast listener this morning, because I have these things called consults where you can come on and you can talk to me. And it was so much fun talking to her. And it was even more fun when she was quoting me. She’s like, yes well Dara in episode this, you said this in an episode that you said that. And that was super fun. So I love meeting with all of you. So please come. I have four coaching calls a week that I can share and we can look at if a good fit for love yourself in.

But I’m just gonna share a win because it’s really awesome to see how every woman is using the love yourself in tools for herself and one of them was a client who just shared that she said her sister dips everything in chocolate. In fact, that’s her sister’s business, so she dips chocolates and she sells them at craft sales and she has orders. And she was visiting her sister and she had these new things that she was dipping, like her whole dining room table was just full of chocolates.

And her sister said, hey would you like anything? You can have anything you want. And she said, yeah I’d like to try this new way for one. And she said, normally she would’ve just like shoved it in her face and would’ve just eaten it right off the bat. It had been a day and she had put it in her purse and she had actually kind of forgotten about it and she was going to plan in advance to eat it. And the thing that’s beautiful about that is you plan in advance, you eat the thing, and guess what? You don’t feel guilty, you don’t feel bad, and you feel like you’re in control. And it’s a wonderful feeling.

So that actually, this guides me right into today’s episode. Now you definitely want to print off the worksheet. There are three of them for this episode and they’re gonna be really, really helpful for you to learn this idea that I’m talking about. And actually one of the fun things about the conversation I had with the podcast listener this morning, is she has been listening for about a week and a half, and she’s lost three pounds. She’s like, you’re kind of brainwashing me. And so I’ve been thinking about manipulating in so many different ways. And when she said the brainwashing, I was like, yep, I’ve gotta do this episode. I’ve gotta do this podcast for you all.

Because first of all, I feel like the weight loss industry has manipulated me. And I know for certain that a lot of my clients have felt the same way. We have felt like we’ve been hoodwinked, we felt like we’ve been deceived, we feel like we have been taken, you know we work hard for our money and our time is worth something. And so when we’re going to Weight Watchers and they’re kind of talking down to us and there’s no judgment there. But if that is the approach that they’re taking and it makes you feel a certain way, then that’s not helpful for you.

Okay? And if you’re thinking, you’re having to spend all your time counting calories, or if you’re thinking you have to be learning what macros and micros are, and you feel like you have to be relying on an expert and you could never rely on yourself. That is a problem.

So it was very interesting just to study the word manipulation and it actually comes from a French word that originally from Latin, but manipulate means to treat or operate with or as if with the hands or by mechanical means, especially in a skillful manner. Manipulate a pencil, manipulate a machine. So this is the thing with manipulate. The French word is to handle, like with your hands. And so “main” is hand in French, m a i n. In fact it said manipulation from French “manipule” to handle an apparatus in chemistry. And then that came from the Latin word “manipulus”.

But when I thought about this definition I thought, well, that’s what we do as quilters, right? We take fabric and we manipulate it, we cut it all up and we manipulate it in different designs and patterns. You know, we have design walls and we put the blocks on there and we kind of take a step back and we change it. So that’s a really good thing. And even as a parent, we manipulate our children. I know for me, like with my kids I am constantly manipulating them. I’m like, okay that didn’t work, let’s see if we can, we can figure something out in a different way.

The second definition is to manage or utilize skillfully, quantify our data and manipulate it statistically. So, you know, manipulating in a home, like, I’m just gonna use the kid example. So I’m learn, I’ve learned, you know, raising five kids. My youngest is 10, my oldest is 19. As I’m recording this, it’s like, I start manipulating myself as a parent, Like, how do I best manipulate this situation?

And I have, you know, all of my kids are super different. They have different personalities. And so I find it’s a really kind of almost like creative adventure of how do I get this one kid to make his bed? And another one who’s not making their bed, how do I manipulate it so that they will want to do it themselves? How will I manipulate so that they just see clean, dry dishes and put them away? How do I, you know, manage or utilize skillfully, data and manipulate it?

So in my Love Yourself Thin program, we have five pillars, and the first pillar is weight loss. Science is simple. So in fact, in order to become thin for life and have permanent weight loss, you actually need to learn how to manipulate. And I’m saying this, and even when I say like, this is a negative connotation to the word manipulate. But when you think about it, like the definition, like the very principle of it was to from skillful manner to make something work. And so like, thank you to Edison who manipulated all the different ingredients to get the light bulb thankful to iPhone people who made the iPhones. They manipulated it so that we can FaceTime. How grateful I am for Zoom. My whole business is on Zoom, like, thank heavens, that someone manipulated programming so that we could do that.

So they’re using their skills. So the first pillar of love yourself thin is weight loss. Science is simple. So we need to learn to manipulate leptin, grehlin and insulin. We also need to learn how to manage or manipulate cortisol that affects our weight loss. Now, there was this really interesting thought that I had was how have we allowed food to manipulate us? What? Like really think about it. We have let sugar and flour manipulate us.

Now it’s really easy to see this with little kids. So I remember going to the Raymond Parade on Canada Day and my little boy, he ate so many candies. Oh my goodness. I didn’t control him too much with it. I mean, there was so much going on. We were with family, I had my youngest was, this is my second youngest that was eating all of his candy and my youngest, I had to follow him around everywhere he went, because it was like, we were at my cousins and they have no fence, and it just freaked me out and I just had to be so careful about where he was.

And so I wasn’t monitoring my son, and he was just wild. He kind of is a little bit more wild anyway, but he had had so much candy and I remember talking to him and he was like, mom, it’s like, I don’t even know what to do. I’m just, I feel so out of control. He was like this little, like four year old, and I remember that thinking, yeah, honey, you just can’t eat all this candy. It just, it affects you in such a bad. Too much sugar is scary. And you do feel out of control. And I’ll never forget his face, he was scared. He was like, oh gosh, like, I don’t like how I feel. I don’t like this feeling. And so I just made a deal with him. I’m like, hey, honey, you just can’t go hog wild when it comes to candy. We just can’t do it. And I mean, the same thing happens with all of us with like too much flour as well. Like we can feel bloated, we can feel all sorts of things because it just, it doesn’t work in our body.

And so I have some questions here for you. How has food manipulated you? Because think about this too, it’s like you’re in a situation and you think, oh, if I could just have some rice pudding right now? Or oh, if I could just have some licorice all sorts? Or, oh, a chocolate bar would be so good right now. Like, think about that. How often have you said, Well, if I could just, and like we’re talking, like get into our car, drive a distance and go and get that thing because we just don’t feel like we can move past it. It’s so scary.

And then the next question, how often do you feel you need to eat something? And then how often are our moods manipulated by food? So just really be curious about that and don’t judge yourself, but just think, how often am I letting those things manipulate me? And where is that coming from?

So the third definition of manipulate is to control or play upon by artful, unfair or insidious means, especially to one’s own advantage being used and manipulated by the knowing men around him. So that is where we get that feeling of manipulated. Even in the weight loss industry. So we think about it, it’s a multibillion dollar industry and they want to play on our vanity. And actually, you know, weight loss is not just so vanity driven. I have two friends that I went to university with and both their husbands have died because of obesity. And these guys were amazing, great guys, but they just weren’t able to cope. And they died in their like late forties or early fifties. And so they aren’t gonna be grandpas and obesity, it really is a thing and it does really have these consequences. Kinda like my son who overate the candy, he was just like, mom, I just feel out of control.

And so the weight loss industry has the ability to manipulate us in that, they prey on this like, ” I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. I can’t figure this out myself.” And they kind of keep you on a leash. And I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m just a realist. And that happens. It happens. And so we can be manipulated, we can be like on the hook for them. So just being aware of it, but we do it to ourselves.

And then the third definition is to change or artfully or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose. So they gave the example, the doctor suspected that the police reports were manipulated, right? So it’s a way of not telling the whole truth or keeping people still wanting. So I have some examples here of when manipulation is good. So, you know, manipulating fabric into how we want the quilt to look. The baby learns to manipulate blocks. The mechanical arms are manipulated by a computer. The doctor manipulates our backs to get it back into alignment. The program was designed to organize and manipulate large amounts of data. You know, you can manipulate numbers in your head, so when you’re at the quilt store, you can see like if you’re gonna be able to be in budget or whatever that is, as scientists can manipulate data to get results.

And so when I look at the Love Yourself Thin, the five core pillars, the first one, weight loss science is simple. What happens is I am teaching you how to manipulate, how to use the data to help you to get the best results. And so when you can learn to manipulate things in your own way, Guess what happens? You become empowered, you become independent, you become your own best boss. It is really fun for me when I reflect on how far I’ve come with my body and with what’s going on, that I have been able to do this and not only have I been able to do it, but I’m an expert because I help other people.

Recently I was at my live retreat and I had these women there lost 72 pounds, lost 84 pounds, lost 90 pounds, and they have done it all because they’ve learned to manipulate themselves, just like a little baby who’s manipulating blocks or learning how to manipulate a cup. Or when we first learned how to manipulate getting gas and being able to do all that. That was something we couldn’t do before. Even our iPhones or smartphones, we didn’t know how to manipulate those things. Remember how awkward it was at first.

So the second pillar of what Love Yourself Thin is to create your own protocol and troubleshoot it. So you’re learning how to manipulate food for your good. You’re learning how to manipulate your unique body and the food that works for you. And you manipulate how much you eat of something, how much you sleep, how much time you spend on your brain, like doing thought downloads and applying the tools. You get to learn all of that and it’s super powerful.

The next pillar of the Love Yourself Thin principle is connecting your body with your brain. So this is the truth, our emotions always come from a thought, that is the origin of an emotion. So you think, I love that baby. And then that’s a thought, and you see that baby and you have emotion of love. But you could see a baby that’s crying, right? Because that’s a circumstance, the baby. And then you have a thought, Oh, that baby’s really annoying. Like if you’re on a plane or something. And then you have the feeling, the feeling comes from that of frustration. So we always get our emotions from our thoughts. Emotions don’t come from chocolate bars. Emotions don’t come from ice cream. They do not.

And so when you can learn to manipulate, knowing that this is actually how emotions come, they don’t come from ice cream. They don’t come from chocolate chips. They don’t come from licorice all sorts. Then you can see, oh this is what I want to feel, and so I can just feel this from my thought, not from food. I’ve been trying to manipulate my feelings with food and it doesn’t work.

All right number four of the core principles of Love yourself Thin is that you start taking responsibility for yourself, because ultimately you are the one in charge of you. No one else can make you do anything. Nobody else can make you feel anything. Nobody else can create that for you. It’s always on you. So when you can learn that tool you learn how to have your own power and it is very exciting.

And then the fifth one is to build your own self-confidence. And self-confidence is a tool that you learn. It’s a process that is taught. It is not something you are born with or born without. Everyone can create that for themselves.

So when you learn these pillars, you are learning to manipulate your former self into a new self that no longer requires sugar and flour to feel good or to use ice cream as a reward. So I have some questions here for you. What have you been manipulating food to do for you in the past? Right? How will changing or manipulating food differently help you moving forward? And then why is it vital for you to change your relationship with food? Why do you need to manhandle or figure out how to change yourself with that? And so I really want you to look at that and see that for yourself. It’s really exciting.

As we conclude this podcast episode of manipulation, I want you to share with me, or you can do like a thought download about it. But when you think about how you have gotten anything in the past, how you were able to tie your shoelaces, how you were able to make your first quilt, how you were able to raise your children or get your degree or get a job, complete your job.

We’ve all learned to manipulate our hands in a different way, or I just learned how to do colonial knots and it was super awkward. My hands felt so awkward and so crazy. But the more that I do it, the more that I’ll get used to it. And I guess the biggest takeaway with preparing this podcast is that we have been offered one way of looking at things.

So we have been offered that birthday parties need to have birthday party food and that kids need to be raised on Kraft dinner or ichiban. We have been offered one way of doing things, but we now get to decide what way is best for us? And when you can feel that and you can be empowered with that, you can change and you can create whatever you want. And this is power my friends. This is how you learn to become now your own superhero, your own special boss. I love this for you and I love that you’re here listening to this podcast and I can’t wait to watch you manipulate your weight to figuring out how to lose the weight and keep it off permanently, and that’s what we do in Love Yourself Thin. Take care. Bye-bye.