201. Weight Loss Pressure for Summer

Do you feel a little bit nervous about the upcoming summer and having to make sure that you’re gonna look just right in your swimming suit, your shorts, or whatever else exposing more skin? Well, this is the perfect episode for you to listen to. My name is Dara Thomasson and this is episode 201, Weight Loss Pressure for Summer, and I’m the Quilters Coach podcast.

So how many of you feel, and I have bikini here, but I don’t know, I’ve, I’m actually not a bikini person. Um, I did sneak a bikini once. Um, I. When I was, uh, 19, I was in the south of France and I didn’t have a bathing suit. I went to visit this girl and her cousins lent me this bathing suit and I got the worst burn of my life. And it was awful. And I was like, I’m never gonna do that to myself again. 

But, um, whether it’s a bikini or a bathing suit. Still showing a lot of skin. So if you feel a lot of pressure about that and um, you’re not quite sure, please listen to this episode. It’s gonna be so, so helpful. 

Now, before I go into, um, the, what we can do with breaking the cycle, the typical weight loss cycle, I wanted to share. The kinds of things that happen inside my membership. The kind of conversations, the kind of discussions. This one is just so tender and so sweet. And I have to say that when you learn how to be more with yourself, your life becomes a lot more magical because you allow the negative, you allow the discomfort, you allow the, the difficulty, and you also.

Um, like you open yourself up to so much more. This is a member who, when she joined it was like she was a lifetime member of, um, weight Watchers and, you know, and it, it was, she was able to lose the 20 pounds in 90 days. No problem. And she’s been able to keep that off.

She like her, her life is so much more, um, like around food. Like there’s not the food drama anymore and she just feels so much more at peace. And unfortunately her husband passed away. One of those experiences where. He wasn’t feeling well and then it just got worse and worse. Next thing we know, he’s in ICU.

Next thing we know, he, he actually passes in a very short time. It was very surprising and it’s been obviously such a huge shock and so difficult.

And so working through all of that and she’s coming back to calls and working through all the grief and there’s a festival. That her and her husband have, um, always gone together. Next thing we know, he, he actually passes in a very short time. It was very surprising and it’s been obviously such a huge shock and so difficult and so working through all of that and she’s coming back to calls and working through all the grief and there’s a festival. That her and her husband have, um, always gone together. They look forward to, they enter different contests and it’s a really, it’s like a highlight. It’s something that they have really enjoyed and she will sometimes put in a pie and sometimes she wins. 

And this year was a cake contest at which she actually submitted and she won second prize. But, um. She was very nervous about going by herself and she thought about, oh, you know, I’m gonna miss him so much and it’s so awkward to do things by myself.

And, um, but she decided that this is the person she wants to be. She wants to live her life. And, um, and even though she had all the discomfort and when she got there, she was able to. It’s, there’s no accidents in this life. And where she stood in line to register the people in front of her who were actually her husband’s cousins, and, uh, they had just moved and with all the, the funeral and everything, they hadn’t really connected.

And, um, but she decided that this is the person she wants to be. She wants to live her life. And, um, and even though she had all the discomfort and when she got there, she was able to. It’s, there’s no accidents in this life. And where she stood in line to register the people in front of her who were actually her husband’s cousins, and, uh, they had just moved and with all the, the funeral and everything, they hadn’t really connected.

And so they spent the entire day together and they had so much fun, and it was so lovely for her to be with them. And the reason I share this as a win in the podcast is that we all go through different transitions. We all have different life changes and um. The, when the, when the women inside my membership learn these life coaching tools.

They learn how to be who they want to be. And, um, even though it’s uncomfortable, even though it’s hard and they, they, they start to really live their life. And so I just love that story so much and I’m so happy that she is, is living her life. Like the circumstances her husband’s passed away. Yeah, but her thought is, I wanna live the best life.

And so she’s learning how to live her best life, even though the circumstances aren’t always the best. Um, but it is part of life so, so exciting. And I just thought, how tender, how tender is that? And the thing that’s challenging, and we’re gonna go back to the topic today of weight loss, pressure for summer.

And so she’s learning how to live her best life, even though the circumstances aren’t always the best. Um, but it is part of life so, so exciting. And I just thought, how tender, how tender is that? 

And the thing that’s challenging, and we’re gonna go back to the topic today of weight loss, pressure for summer Is that a lot of us believe that in order for us to be happy, in order for us, for truly be, um, you know, joyful is to like lose the weight or look really good in a bathing suit or whatever that is. But that’s a lie. That’s a lie because so many of us think I can’t be happy until, and so this example with my client. It’s like she made that decision. I can be happy with whatever I’m doing, whether my husband’s alive or passed away. 

And so when I’m doing things by myself as a widow or you know, he’s gone and another client. Who, um, she, her husband, uh, also passed away and there was things he was going to do and he didn’t do them.

And so she had to reconcile with all of it, and it was, so, one of her wins today was she just took care of it. There was no drama. She just, I. Went, went forward, made the decisions, got it all taken care of, and people are really living their lives. 

And so this is what I want to help you with and one of the things that’s really crazy about this episode that I’m gonna be sharing with you, um, is that so many of us think we have to achieve a certain goal or look a certain way before we’re allowed to be happy.

And the problem is. That once we get to that point. So a lot, a lot of, and I’m sure most of you can agree, you’re like, yeah, I did the thing and I looked really good for the wedding and I looked really good for the, whatever it was, but then I just went back to the old ways and, um, and so it didn’t, it didn’t work because how you lose the weight is how you keep it off. Okay? So. I wanted to look at this cycle.

Okay, so we have this problem with, um, we think that weight loss has to be about more than just looking smaller. Or being more acceptable or getting other people’s approval or having less judgment of others. Okay. And then I, I want us to think about like how emotional eating keeps you stuck in the cycle of self judgment.

Okay, so weight loss is much deeper than just counting calories and tracking steps. And for those of you who don’t know, I myself have lost over 50 pounds and kept it off since, since 2019, not. Not counting calories, not tracking steps, not swapping for this, for that, not a lot of restriction or definitely not willpower or demeaning myself.

So I’ve done a lot of emotional work and this is what I really want. Um, this is why I am so adamant about sharing this because it’s. A lot of us want to have healthier lives. We want to live stronger and be able to take care of ourselves, but we have an outdated manual. My great grandfather had, um, this law manual.

So I’ve done a lot of emotional work and this is what I really want. Um, this is why I am so adamant about sharing this because it’s. A lot of us want to have healthier lives. We want to live stronger and be able to take care of ourselves, but we have an outdated manual. My great grandfather had, um, this law manual.

It’s huge. It’s like ginormous. It’s over on my shelf and oh, I’m gonna show it to you.

Okay, so for those of you listening to the podcast, uh, I have this really, really old book. It’s huge, it’s ginormous and it’s called Smith’s, Smith’s Mercantile Law. It was published in, 1905, that’s the 11th edition, and it was published by, um, John William Smith. My grandpa, my great-grandpa was the mayor of the small town. And you think about this book and you think about these different contracts of law, bankruptcy. You know, weights and measures, act, um, all these, all these like maritime insurance contracts of a frighten, I don’t even know what that means.

This was at the time, an important book. How important do you think this is now, other than the fact that it was my grandfather, my great-grandfather’s, and it has his name written in the. In the inside GW Morton, I have a few memories of him.

It could be important for weightlifting, it’s probably five to eight pounds. Um, it’s important for my decor. I have, it makes it pretty on my shelf, but really it’s not really that important because the information in it is outdated and not necessary. When I think about, um, weight loss, what it really is about, it’s about putting too much food in our bodies that our body doesn’t need.

And the reason we’re doing that, we gotta get to the root of it. Why are we overeating? Because we don’t want to feel our feelings, so we have to go do the deeper work. And so I’m gonna be really diving into an emotional eating cycle. And the real reason you feel the urge to snack when stressed or overwhelmed, how to feel your feelings without numbing them with food.

And we, we also do like a variety, right? We do scrolling, we do over, like overthinking, worrying over researching, people pleasing, uh, over working, not sleeping enough. Over binging, uh, overstressing about things that don’t really matter. So the other thing that’s really important, and I hope that as you’re listening to this podcast, you realize that you are not alone.

I think that’s one of the biggest shames that I see in this world is that there’s all these women who struggle. And they all feel so much shame. They’re like, oh, I’m the only one if I was smarter. But as I say, shame is like a mushroom. The only way it grows is in the dark and being fed a lot of poop. And of course, being in the dark means you just stay with yourself and you don’t, you don’t expand your circle. You don’t expand who you really are. 

And so I want to look and break this down for each one of you now in the, uh, show notes I created, um, like a little worksheet for you. And, oh, I have to tell you, one of my clients, um, I’ve been working with her for almost a year and she has been very resistant to doing the worksheets. So I should actually change the name of worksheets to play to like the playbook, right? And so finally on Saturday morning, she has this brand new granddaughter and um, she’s like, okay, I know I’m gonna be meeting with Darren next week. I do not wanna have the same conversation with her.

And so, um, she just went for it. And it was funny because, so she’s one of my one-on-one clients and with my one-on-one clients, they have access to me through Marco Polo. So she messaged me and she says, guess what I’m doing? I’m doing the worksheets. I’m, I’m actually watching a module. I’m actually doing the worksheets.

And they are. Crazy. I’m so glad I’m doing this. And, um, she’s like, I just wish they weren’t called worksheets. And I was like, all right, we’ll come up with a different word. But, so I make these, I individualized a worksheet of some sort for each one of these podcasts because I know that, um, when you can get results without even paying for my membership.

My membership is a no-brainer. ’cause you’re like, oh my goodness, I get this much value from just listening to her and doing these little worksheets. Imagine the power that happens in the inside, the membership with the coaching and like interacting and all of that. So if you’re on the fence, just come and and, and book a call with me.

My membership is a no-brainer. ’cause you’re like, oh my goodness, I get this much value from just listening to her and doing these little worksheets. Imagine the power that happens in the inside, the membership with the coaching and like interacting and all of that. So if you’re on the fence, just come and and, and book a call with me.

All right. So let’s go through this little exercise that I created here, because remember when we look at this cycle, so I’m going to work through the cycle that’s on the first, the first page. 

So essentially the, the problem is we have an unwanted emotion. We think that. Because we think like if I can wear a bikini and look good, then I don’t have to feel bad.

Well, you can still look good in a bikini and still feel bad about other things. Okay? But so we have an unwanted emotion, and then because we don’t know, we don’t wanna feel it. We wanna avoid it. We wanna resist it, we wanna react to it. Then what do we do? We get some peanut butter, some chocolate chips. We go to Dairy Queen and get a treat or do Dollarama.

We go to the grocery store, maybe get some baking things, or we do our own baking. Um, or we even make like something really healthy and we’re not even that hungry. Like there’s lots and lots of reasons. Okay. So we overeat to feel less. Or we overeat. So that’s like, that could be snacking. So going to the food when we’re not really hungry, it could also look like, um, over consuming food, like when we’re actually at the table.

So when we leave the table, we’re like, whoa, I’m really full. It’s because we’re really uncomfortable and we don’t know how to like. When we, we can we, when we fill ourselves up with more food, then we don’t have to feel like FEEL our feelings as much. So when we’re more full, we don’t have to feel as much interesting, right?

So then the cycle continues. Then we’re gonna feel guilt or shame, which is an unwanted emotion. And then we try to quiet that. And so then what do we do with that un unwanted emotion? Quiet that. We overeat. Okay. So we just keep this cycle. So when you look at this, um, sheet that I made for you, this worksheet, so let’s, these are the ways that we quiet.

So then the cycle continues. Then we’re gonna feel guilt or shame, which is an unwanted emotion. And then we try to quiet that. And so then what do we do with that un unwanted emotion? Quiet that. We overeat. Okay. So we just keep this cycle. So when you look at this, um, sheet that I made for you, this worksheet, so let’s, these are the ways that we quiet.

We try to quiet the noise. So we go to the pantry. We get treats during errands. We bake. We scroll on our phone. We say yes to others, which means we’re saying no to ourselves. We stay up late. We over research, we deliberate on making decisions. So we like use up a lot of our brain juice and our time and our energy.

So now we’re, we’re getting really, really exhausted. And when we’re really, really exhausted, we don’t make really, really good choices. Um, we think about what others think all the time. Oh, well if I do this, then what are they gonna think? Um, we look to the past for evidence of past failures and then we worry about what can possibly go wrong.

There is a lot of wasted time and energy on worry. Okay, so I have some poss there’s some alternative, um, on the other side here. So to work through that noise instead of quiet quieting it. We go to the pantry and then we say, Hey, am I actually hungry? Or What’s going on here? So we go to the pantry and not eat unless we’re actually hungry.

There is a lot of wasted time and energy on worry. Okay, so I have some poss there’s some alternative, um, on the other side here. So to work through that noise instead of quiet quieting it. We go to the pantry and then we say, Hey, am I actually hungry? Or What’s going on here? So we go to the pantry and not eat unless we’re actually hungry.

Okay? We don’t need treats during errands. So maybe we want to go to Dairy Queen and say, yeah, I know. And when I was a kid, my dad called it Dara Queen, and that’s like the funnest nickname. I love that nickname. So I kind of felt. Like it was, you know, really like part of me, but I don’t need to, I can just, when I pass Dairy Queen, I’m like, you have yummy things.

And every once in a while I’ll come and get something like a Buster bar, but overall, not so good for me. Okay. Um, I bake on purpose and not eat the whole time. Okay. My daughter just got back from Tahiti. I had this huge party for her. It was so much fun. And I’m baking cupcakes and decorating cupcakes at 1147 on a SA Saturday night, and I’m making the icing, so I’m like, do I try it?

Do I test it? I usually don’t even need after six, so I’m doing things I don’t normally do. It’s okay. Um, scroll on the phone in designated phone times. You can scroll. I’m, there’s nothing wrong with scrolling, but if I’m scrolling, because I don’t wanna feel a feeling, if I don’t wanna see something, a feel at, then that’s the problem, right?

That’s the problem. And I wanna make sure that I’m helping you out and that you are feeling more connected, and that you are feeling, um, like more confident and happy for yourself. Okay? All right.

So what, what do you think would happen if you said, I get to scroll for 20 minutes a day and I scroll, um, at nine 30 at night, and it’s like kind of a little like Marino cherry on top. And it’s kind of fun for me, but it’s on purpose. Like what do you think would make a difference? 

Um, what about instead of saying yes to others, you could say, say yes to others.

When you consider what you’re saying no to for yourself. So when someone asks me to do something, I actually, this is one of my strategies. I take my ring. So they’re talking to me, they’re like, Hey, Dara, do you think you could do this? And then I just twist my ring like this and I say, okay. If I say yes to them, I’m saying no to me.

So what, how would that impact my life? Okay. Um, so what about not staying up late? So you wake up refreshed. So what would it be like to say at 10:30? It’s a hard stop. I need to go to bed. I just do that. Okay. And then see the huge difference that makes with your relationship with yourself and with your body.

Um, so. Over instead of over researching. How about setting a time limit for research? My husband and I once bought a house in 10 minutes. Actually, most houses you buy them in like five minutes, right? It’s like, it’s the amount of time it takes to fill out the form that says, here’s an offer except our offer, it really doesn’t take that long to buy a house.

Okay? Um, make decisions intentionally instead of. Deliberate on, on decisions, okay? What you think is the most important. So we can always ask other people for their opinion, but at the end of the day, you know you yourself best, and you live your life. This is your life, so making sure that you are living your best life.

Um, look to the past for evidence, past failures, and learn from them. So use the past as a tool, not a weapon. This is a huge one, and I know it’s really hard to do, but I believe in you. 

And then understand what worry doesn’t create change, but write down all of the possibilities and then make decisions.

So one of the tools we have inside my membership is we do a thought download and part of that, we do an activity called equal airtime. So we write down all the thoughts. I actually did this with one of my clients today, and all her thoughts about retirement were all negative. And I was like, okay. That’s fine. Those are like top of mind. It’s okay, but are there anything about retirement that’s positive? And so it was interesting to have equal airtime, so allow herself to have that positive, conversation and talk about that. So then she was able to come up with some new strategies on how she was going to create a retirement. That feels amazing and awesome. 

Okay. All right. So. The purpose of this podcast was really talking about when we feel pressure to lose weight, what we’re doing is we’re, we’re just reinforcing this terrible cycle of, I have an unwanted emotion, like I feel bad about myself.

I’m ashamed, I feel terrible, I’m awful. And then we just make it worse by overeating or over worrying or over, and then we’re not actually solving for it. 

So as you see in this cycle, the way we’re going to overcome over, this pressure for the summer is we’re actually going to just allow. That unwanted emotion when we just allow it to be there, we no longer have to stop in at Dairy Queen and get a Buster Bar. We no longer have to overeat at the table. We no longer have to keep visiting the pantry or buying treats for ourselves. 

We just say, oh, here’s this unwanted emotion. And emotions are literally just vibrations in our body. So if we have an emotion of, of sadness, usually you feel it in your chest. If we have an emotion of fear, quite often we have that in our hips and below.

Um, if we have an emotion of guilt, it’s usually in our lower belly. If we have an emotion of shame, we feel it in our upper belly. 

If we feel conflicted, maybe it’s in our head, our body wants to just process those emotions. So my invitation to you, so I, as, as we look through this process, so the, the bikini pressure, we, we all feel it.

Okay? It’s, we have marketing, it’s just part of life. The problem is this, with surface level weight loss, it’s never actually gonna get to the root of the problem and you’re never going to change. And that. It’s like annoying because you never, you never get, you never solve it, right? 

So then the next step is to go to do the deeper work. So feel the feeling instead of eating it. And so just allowing the emotion to go through you. And then I want you to know, of course, that you are not broken. You are not alone. I, when I work with the ladies in my membership or my one-on-one clients, we all have, it’s all variations of the same, but the invitation to change is there for you.

So when you just allow and you like are aware of this cycle, then you can, the more aware you are, the more you can interrupt it. And as I created this extra worksheet here, so to quiet the noise is to work through the noise. So that’s really helpful. 

On Saturday I was going for a walk and I had this realization. I was, well, I was coaching a client on Thursday and she had this really big thought error and because she came to coaching and she was open and willing to look through it, we were able to discover the thought error. And I was, I was just pondering it as I was tying on my shoes and going out to nature and I was gonna be by myself and I thought.

You know, I wonder if I have that, a similar thought error in a different area. It’s not related to food, but it’s, it is similar and I was so uncomfortable with exploring that for myself that, you know, what I did, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I, I, I started buffering, I started like messaging my clients and saying, Hey, I had this idea, Hey.

It was, uh, but I and I, throughout my walk, I started laughing to myself because I, I said, you know, I’m, I’m buffering, I’m, I’m totally buffering with this. And, um, I think that’s really funny that I’m doing that. 

The reason I share that is that I, you know, I’ve lost 50 pounds. I’m keeping it off. There is no question. I have created some amazing systems for myself, but all humans, we all want to evolve and grow, and in order to evolve and grow, we become new versions of ourselves. Right. 

So like if you ever watched like kids in grade seven, eight or nine play basketball, it’s kind of awkward ’cause they’re not used to having that long of arms.

Or, I’ll just give you this example. When I, I grew about nine inches in grade nine and I would go, my dad is, um, well he was six foot four and he had a 34 inseam. I had a 34 in seam and, uh, by the end of grade nine, but I was used to having like a 30 in seam or a 28 in seam.

And um, so I’d be walking beside my dad and he would look and he’d say, Dara, you gotta lengthen your stride hair. And I was like, whatcha talking about? He’s like, you have longer legs. You gotta, you gotta actually make the stretch when you’re walking. Because I was still walking as though I was this shorter girl, and so I had to intentionally, uh, lengthen my stride.

Same thing with stairs. Have you ever been on stairs where your body has just been accustomed to like that standard height of stairs, but when you go on different stairs that aren’t quite standard, you, you’re like, oh, oh, I gotta make it shorter or taller or whatever. And so it’s the same thing with our brain.

We have to learn how to become who we are. So I’m really glad that we have this time together on this podcast. And if you get something from this podcast, that’s awesome. But I do have to say that the more that you can, um, spend like the, like, you would be amazed at what happens inside my membership, like inside the membership, you.

Actually experience coaching. You actually experience, um, transformation. You can’t see what you can’t see. And so, but when you get coaching, it’s, it’s just incredible to see what a huge difference it makes. So if this is pulling you, if you’re being drawn to it, I want to invite you to come on a one-on-one call with me where I can give you a sample of what coaching looks like.

And then you can make a decision. But I don’t want you to be mad at me and say, Ugh, dare I, why didn’t you make it? Um, why didn’t you tell me how much I was gonna love this? Because it is real. It is, it, it’s literally life changing.

Make sure you come and check it out. It’s so awesome. Take care.