#166. How to Guarantee Your Own Results

166. How to Guarantee Your Own Results.

Do you often doubt your ability to create your own results and you don’t really trust yourself when you make a goal. Well, if you are in that boat and want it to get some actual tools and ways to help you prioritize. That experience in your life. This is the perfect episode for you. My name is Derek Thompson, and this is the quilters coach podcast episode 166.

How to guarantee your own results.

This topic is. Really looking at life coaching, the tools of life coaching. R. There are what’s going to help you get the results that you want. So when I got a life coach, for example, I wanted to. Feel less stressed. I wanted to feel more relaxed. I wanted to lose weight. And I wanted to feel in control of my life. And I wanted to enjoy my rice because on the outside, my life looked amazing and incredible.

I had this loving husband. I’ve got all these really cool kids. I have this house up on a mountain, surrounded by trees. I had one. Like I have cars, I have electricity. Like I have an amazing life. I live in an amazing place. Like right now that I’m recording this, this is a summer vacation destination. You drive around, you go anywhere, and you’ll hear lots of different languages because there’s people who’ve come from all over. And I have amazing legs. But I still felt. I even have an amazing relationship with God. And I still felt like I was missing out and. Just two episodes ago.

I talked about the last 50, 50. I didn’t understand that one. But today I wanted to talk about it. These three categories that are going to help you to feel more in.

That gives you three. 10 categories of a way to organize your life and the way that you set up your, how you use your time and energy. That’s gonna really be helpful. And I am using this principle and correct. I heard this talk. Probably 15 years ago and he has been a really great guy to me. It is a religious talk.

So if you’re not into religion, that’s fine. But I did. I did. Put it here in the show notes. And the woman that shared it, her name is Julie Bebac and I have really admired her and I really appreciate her. Her. Life experience and how she shared that with me. All right. But before we go into the heart of these three different categories of how to feel like you can start guaranteeing your own results. I want to share a win from a member in my membership.

This is a win for one of my members who has been married for a long time, but has a lot of hangups with money and the way that they. They have many responsibilities between the two of them. And so quite often she will use money as a way to rebel. Or to kind of use some power and she knows that it’s not healthy and she knows it’s not awesome, but it’s just been for so many years of their marriage is, is one of the ways that she has felt like she can have some control.

And recently she had him. She asked if he would sit down and talk to her about a decision that she wanted to make. About spending some money.

And what happened was. They had a level of connection that they hadn’t felt in a really long time. And so one of the things that she realized was. That, you know, even though he has a different way of, he’s very, her husband’s very even keel. He doesn’t show a lot of emotion. And she does show a lot of emotion.

And so she often feels disconnected, but what happened was. She was able to. Take her relationship to the next level, because She was able to talk to him and open that door up. And it just has been such a good, such a. This is such a relief for her because now she knows that this is a door that’s been opened. It was well received. And the next thing she did was she went through a lot of her emails and deleted the places where she’s really tempted to spend money. And various other places.

And so to respect. Him and respect her. And so their relationship has really improved. So when I sat talking. In the past. Talk about that. I’d say my program was a weight loss program. I truly mean it. My program is a weight loss program. But it’s not your typical weight loss program. It’s not the let’s weigh it in.

Let’s weigh out. How many calories did you eat all of that? We don’t. We don’t really do any of that. So. It’s very, What does my son always say? It’s nonchalant.

It’s not your typical weight loss. And so I am really explaining it more and more on what’s really involved in permanent weight loss. So. This episode is talking about how you guarantee your results and how life coaching works. And organizing your thoughts and putting, learning how to think in a different way is going to make such a difference for you. So I’m really excited to share this with you. A lot of times people will ask me, how do I do everything? I have five kids and I. You know, before I was a life coach, of course I was a professional quilter. And I’m a little embarrassed to say that. I would put the kids to bed 9, 9 30, and then I would start quilting.

And I usually would quilt till two, three, sometimes four in the morning. Not my most awesome choice. But I felt like I needed to do that. For my family. And anyways, That’s what I did. But the reason I got so much done and I was able to do a lot of this was because I had these categories. And in fact, I have this old piece of paper. And I wrote these notes down on a piece of cardstock, and I had this taped up on my wall for years and years and years. So let’s look at.

The very first thing about life coaching is about if you want to make permanent change in your life. The most important aspect is that your worth as a human being has already been decided.

You cannot make yourself more worthy. You because the worst is already there. You already got a hundred percent. So it’s like writing a test. Like you get the test and you already got a hundred percent. So then the teacher says, I just want to see your picture. I just want to see your drawing. I just want to see your ideas. I just want to hear your perspective. You already got 8%.

Don’t worry about it. But like, let’s just, I want to hear what you have to say. And that’s what life is, life is this opportunity. Two. It’s like a blank canvas. It’s like, you can just decide what you want to do. And so, but that decision has nothing to do with, if you do this, then you’re a more worthwhile person. Okay. That’s that. If that is the only thing. You. Ever ever, ever get from me. Then my work has been done. But if you want help. Learning how to. Put those things in practice and start living life and get really good at living your life.

That way. I’m your girl. I’m here to help you. Okay. So the first thing is we’ve got a category. So we have this life we live. And there are three different categories in this analogy. The first one is there are things we have to do. So it’s necessary. Things like we need to have food. We need to have a home, a shelter, water cleaning, homemaking groceries, and financial responsibilities. Even things like smiling and having fun and listening to people and having true connection. Giving love, receiving love.

Those are necessary. If you don’t have those things, then you will not survive. You know, we hear about those. You know, orphans in, Well orphans. And if they are not getting that, those that love and touch and those connections, they don’t thrive and they have all sorts of issues.

So I love what Julie Beck said. And the, and the address that she gave and she said, we’re all. She was a house of people, not little soldiers. So, and the thing with ourselves is like, we’re not little soldiers. We’re not perfect. We have emotions and we can get disappointed. We can feel all sorts of positive and negative emotions. And so we need to have that same level of. Compassion and understanding for ourselves. Now the next category, and this is all written in the worksheet.

The worksheet is awesome. Okay. So make sure you go and download the worksheet. The next one is essential. So seeking personal development, connecting with ourselves through nature service with God. You know, healing growth. And one of the things that. I say that. I will get pushback from. Is that we actually know? What we, we have our own answers. And whether you believe in God or not. There’s this inner knowing of our intuition. I believe that we lived with God before we came here.

We were our own. Individual person with our own personality. And so when we’re on this earth, we’re having an opportunity. To uncover. All of that and discover. We rediscover who we really are. And so whatever your belief is, Whatever, however you look at it, we all have an inner knowing because. We all know ourselves best. We know what kind of parents we have.

We know what kind of house we grew up in. We know what our siblings are. You know, we know how we reacted to our brother teasing us. We have all of those. Challenges and obstacles and, and just facts. Like that’s just how it was. I was a third child of six. I, you know, so I have all of these. Complexities. But they’re mine. And so I get to own it.

And then I get to work within those parameters. And I know myself best. And so I need to make sure that I am listening to me and then I’m paying attention to what works for me. I cannot wear other people’s shoes and be comfortable. And even my new shoes. Like when I step into a new identity, the same thing with you is you have to break those in. So. When you think about this as this is essential. This self connection, this ability to be inside of you, listen to your intuition. And the other part of this is you have your own unique abilities. I remember when I first had my son and I. It was really hard for me to like, not go to work every day. And not be super organized and planned.

Like when I was a school teacher, I had. I was just, I just had a lot of planning and lots of structure. And. My I made a friend who was a pharmacist and they ended up moving seven doors down from us. And. She was really fun. And the thing is I’m fun. But I didn’t know how to have fun. And as a mom, I knew how to be fun as a teacher. I knew how to have fun as a friend. I knew how I was starting to know how to be, how to fund as a married. But I didn’t really know what to do with myself during the day. I didn’t really know how to really like it. Mom to this baby who I adored, but I didn’t really know how to have fun. And hanging out with Karen was amazing because Karen helped me. Have fun.

She left. She gave me permission. And when she did that, I was able to start trusting in myself. Of my unique talents and abilities. And so I created some really fun things. And recently I was with her and she said, do you remember that club where you started moms without children, mothers without children? I said, oh yeah, that’s right. And she said that was really awesome.

I loved it. She goes, you didn’t have a logo and everything. We had club meetings. She goes I’d loved it. It was really, really helpful. They really struggled with infertility. They ended up adopting three kids. But she said, That helped her so much, knowing that she was a mother without a child. And that was one of my unique abilities. And so that was essential for me to listen to my intuition and to contribute. Okay. And then the third.

The CA bucket or category is nice to do.

So we actually need to do the nice things, which are crafts. And how well the quilters coach. Hobbies, leisure movies, travel reading, going for lunch with friends. Those are really important. And then so, so when, if you’re feeling guilty about doing those things, I’m going to give you, I’m going to help you with. Perspective. I have two different perspectives to look at this way.

The first one is and this is from Julie’s talk. She said that her father-in-law was a shift worker. So sometimes he was day shift sometimes after.

Yeah. And shift and sometimes the evening shift and she said she learned from him. You can’t do all three shifts. You can’t be on all of the time. And because you need to have energy, you need to have that. And so. When I think about our mind juice, right? We only have so much energy a day. And so if we are not balancing our priorities, if we’re not making sure we’re doing essential things, necessary things and the nice to do things. And if we’re doing too much of the nice things and now enough of the necessary new essentials will flop. If we’re doing too much of the essentials and not enough of the necessaries and the nice things to do as well, flop. Right.

So it’s like a triangle. If you’re on the tip of the triangle, you’re going to just go off kilter. But learning how to balance those three areas is going to be so helpful. The other thing. And it was from the field of fear and do it anyway, book. She talked about how, if you put all of your eggs in one basket.

So for example, if, if your whole identity and your whole purpose is all around your relationship, So let’s say your marriage or your kids. Then you’re putting your, your, your. Setting yourself up for failure because. What if the husband passes away, what if the kids want, like my kids are doing, what if they don’t do what you want them to do? What if they make different choices? Like, so if your whole being and your whole purpose is in relationships. Then your. You’re in trouble, right?

You’re off balance. And so, and she actually, if you’re looking on YouTube. Screen. You’ll see my little diagram behind me. So instead of having all your eggs. The relationship basket or all your eggs, even in the work basket or whatever that is, you have nine. Categories or 12 or however many categories.

So you have a life of, you have the hobbies, you have the physical staff, you have the mental stuff. You have all these different categories. And so then you plan for it. You’re like, this is my contribution time. This is when I give service or this is my crafting time. This is my leisure time. This is my vacation time.

This is my, and so you can now put yourself in different categories and you can feel so much happier. Okay. So I love it. I really love these different ways of figuring out how to be a more balanced, healthy, human being. Now.

The. The part of. The thing that I want to emphasize is that. We are all living human beings. We’re all having our own unique experience. And if we don’t have. Support. Or a structure or understanding. Then we will not be. Living the kind of life we have. And so we end up doing a lot of scrolling. A lot of eating, a lot of shopping, a lot of. Over people pleasing. Maybe a lot of procrastinating, maybe really stressing on perfectionism and never really stepping into our own power. And as a life coach. It is my privilege and honor. To help women. Giving them this toolbox and saying, Hey, listen. You don’t have to stay stuck. I’m going to help you connect with your body and your brain, and I’m going to help you. To truly start living a life that you want to live that is authentic and, and unique to you. And so you can be, you. When I was in grade eight, I went on the bus. An hour and a half. One way.

So it was three hours every day. I had to wake up really early. Got my lunch. Ready. Walk to the bus. I think we had to be there. I think. Well, my neighbor actually was also on the bus, so I woke up, got my lunch ready, and then we would walk together. And. We would sometimes say run DMC. Anyways, it wasn’t.

He was a guy. He was. And, And then we would, we’d be on this bus forever. And one of my best friends, she wasn’t the same best stop. And I talked. The best. The whole time.

And so by eight o’clock every night. I pretty much lost my voice because I just talked so much. I had my friends and. Everything. And it was just. What I did. And I remember one time someone saying, you just talk a lot and I’m like, yeah, I do. That’s why I am. I used to feel a lot of shame about it. But then I realized no. That’s who I am.

I’m a social person. I love connecting with people. And sometimes I don’t and I’ve changed now. I don’t talk as much. But I have different boundaries or whatever, but I remember thinking. Oh, is that a bad thing? And I realized no people like me and people like having someone to talk to and someone who’s paying attention to them and having different conversations. I just get to be me.

That’s what I want all of you to become, because the problem is if you are constantly shaming yourself or blaming other people or not stepping into who you really are. Your authentically. You’re never going to be happy.

And I do have to share this one. Experience that I just had recently. And it actually kind of breaks my heart.

So I often go to these obviously quilting events or different events. And I meet a lot of people and people are pretty attracted to me. Talking to me. And there’s something about my assurance and my confidence that that definitely brings people in. And I get it because I love it. What I have to offer.

And I, and I a hundred percent believe in my tools, like 100% and I. I’m so thrilled to be helping people. And so I was able to have a conversation with someone. That I met at one of these events. And we were talking about the different challenges that this person is experiencing. And so I was able to say, I know exactly what’s going on for you. And I was able to share it with her. The kinds of things that we would have to do so that she would no longer fall into these traps. And she’s very aware that these are traps that she has created.

And for me, just to articulate exactly. You know, Buffering with her work, overworking, all these different things. And, I said, would you want to, would you want to change? And she said,

I actually wrote it down.

She said, I don’t think it’s worth my time to figure it out.

And I just felt so sad for her. She feels like she is so far gone, that she has made so many mistakes that she can’t change. And, That’s why.

It’s a lie.

And one of the things that I said was it’s hard being you right now. But, you know how. To be that person. So you have coping strategies and you just know what to expect. You just know that that’s how you’re going to be. And it’s hard. It’s hard being you. But you know how to be done. Or you can choose. To change to actually resolve and work through and overcome.

And. Create. Those changes. It’s going to be hard to rewire your brain and to feel the feelings and to look through all of that and to have that kind of growth. I said, but at least if you start doing this hard, You know that there’s freedom. Because the other heart.

You never change. Is this going to be Groundhog’s day?

So. I want you to know. That.

You are not far too far gone. You are not past the point of. No repair. And.

That is actually a lot simpler than you think.

You just have to be willing to show up for yourself. So, I don’t know who needs to hear this today.

But I want to make you this promise. That. Your worth as a person. It’s already there. It’s like you are. You are the golden goose.

And now you just have to learn how to see that. And these tools will help you with that. All right. I love you all so much. I’m so grateful for this, the changes that I’ve made in the membership. So no longer. Do you just get the weight loss modules.

Well, you did. So I’m so grateful for the changes that I’ve made in the membership, but because it reflects so much more of what’s happening in there. So you will get, of course you continue to have the weight loss modules. But you start learning the feelings modules and the model. And the tool of 50 50 and the tool of emotional adulthood and how to make goals.

And then I’m adding new modules all the time. It’s just a cornucopia. There’s so much there. Because we are not just to the people we’re complex and we’re, we have S we have, there’s so many. Complexities to being a human. And so just like with this. That I shared today.

With the, The, the ascent, the necessaries, the essentials, and the nice to do’s. I’m here to help you. To learn how. To build those systems and those ways to help you. All right. Take care, everyone. Bye.

If you aren’t loving your current life and hear yourself saying things like, I should be happier. I should be getting more done or question how productive and fulfilled you are. This podcast is for you. I’m Dara Thomas. I’m a professional quilter turned life coach for quilters, where I show you how to overcome obstacles like perfectionism, people pleasing, overeating, overcomplicating life so that you can really start to enjoy your life.

By learning and using tools for your brain to help you transform your everyday living. Are you ready to make these changes? I’m ready to help. Let’s start your transformation one UFO at a time.