

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- We are the ones who decide how busy we are
- Other people can’t make us feel a certain way
- To-Do lists can be very helpful tools
- Guidelines around creating To-Do lists
Featured on the Show:
- If you are ready to lose weight and change the way you think, sign up for the lifetime access membership for Love Yourself Thin! Doors are open and you can find all the information by clicking here.
- Leave me a review in Apple
- Participate in my giveaway for two free coaching calls with me! All you need to do is send me 5 completed worksheets and you will be entered in the drawing. Giveaway ends August 31st. Send worksheets HERE.
Full Episode Transcript:

109. Weight Loss and To-Do Lists
Do you wake up in the morning and feel overwhelmed even before you get out of bed because you think of that daunting to-do list? Well, today’s episode is going to really help you with that. I’m Dara Tomasson, and this is Love Yourself Thin episode 1 0 9, Weight Loss and To-Do List. All right, so I want to head right into this episode because I wanna help you feel less burned out, feel less stressed, and to enjoy your life a lot more. And I, I wonder how if you were to give yourself a scale of one to 10, how much you’re enjoying your life, what would that number be? And I’m curious of why, like what would make your life more awesome and what is it exactly that’s not making your life awesome? Because the more you can be detailed about, what’s going on for you? The more you can understand why you’re feeling stuck or why you’re feeling upset, and really why are you being run by a to-do list, or you could be on the other extreme where you have so much apathy that you’re not even making a to-do list. So recently I was talking to a client and she’s brand new to the program and we were talking about this, this goal that I made, and she said I don’t make goals anymore. It’s just way too much for me. And I was really sad by that because the problem is we aren’t truly happy unless we are pushing ourselves or stretching ourselves in some way. Last week in episode 1 0 8, I quoted Gay Hendricks who said that “creativity is the antidote for addiction.” And when you get out of creativity and you go into, I should do this, I should do that, which is perfectionism thinking, then you get out of really enjoying your life. So I’m curious of what’s going on for you. Now when I talk about being a weight loss coach, I really take it to the biggest level. So when you make your life more interesting, when you feel more calm, when you have deeper relationships, when you aren’t needing external validation, you don’t have to look a certain way to feel a certain way. That’s when you create the kind of joy that lasts a long time and that you can feel happy and abundant about. So what is happening for you right now in your life and how you would qualify your quality of life? Now, when we think about to-do lists, I want you to think how many of you feel like you’re running around and you are actually being the servant to a to-do list? The interesting part is you are the one who made the to-do list. I had a conversation with someone once and she said that she’s the busiest person she knows, and it was really hard because there was so many opportunities that she wasn’t allowing in her life because she was being so busy by everything. And the problem is she’s the one who decides if she’s busy or not. She’s the one who decides if she says yes or no. And so if you feel like you’re being run by a to-do list, I’m curious, how often do you sit and ask yourself what qualifies to come on my to-do list? When I was 16 years old, I was at this youth conference with my church and they had a special speaker and he came and he gave me the analogy of he was referring to habits. And he was describing a gigantic bull. Now, you see these bulls in the field or, you know, on TV, or they are huge. They’re just humongous and they’re so strong and they’re so powerful, pretty scary. But they, at a very young age, when the farmer decides, or the rancher decides that, ’cause they only keep so many bulls, right? Because otherwise we have all sorts of, they have all sorts of problems with competing male bulls and all of that. But at a young age they pierce the bulls with a bull ring in their nose. And their nose is a very sensitive area. And so no matter how big that bull is, you can pretty much control that bull by that metal ring in their nose. And I think about habits in this way and he was describing what are some of these bad habits that you have in your life that take control of you? And he gave an example of making your bed. And at that very moment, I still remember where I was sitting and I thought, I’m gonna do that. I’m gonna just make my bed every single day. I’m not gonna let that messy room control me because I didn’t like how I felt when I walked in my messy room, and I thought if I could just make my bed, that will make such a difference. And so since I was 16, I’m gonna be 50 this year, I’ve made my bed every day and it’s just such a nice habit and it’s really helped me now. I’d give this example because we have a really bad habit of needing external validation to make us feel good. The problem, just like sugar or ice cream or chips, it’s just a temporary fix. It’s not long lasting. So when you keep turning to the food to try to feel better, you never get a resolution. And if you keep putting a whole bunch of things on a to-do list so that you can feel better about yourself. Then it’s the same problem. You’re not getting an actual solution. So you keep thinking that you’re gonna feel better when you get everything done on your list, but you don’t because you just get yourself more tired and exhausted. So who can relate to me? Are you shaking your head? Yes, Dara, that is me. I have a really bad habit of that. Okay. So if that’s you, I hear you. I’m here for you and I have some solutions for you. Are you excited? I am. Because this is, You all know that I’m a, I’m the president of the Perfectionist Recovery Program, right? And if you don’t, well, I am. And I’ve written the 12 step Guide of How to Overcome Perfectionism, which I use on a regular basis because when I was growing up, I felt like I was being criticized a lot, and I thought in my eight year old self, if I could figure out how to perfect something, if I could figure out how to master it, then I could avoid the criticism. And really, that’s a pretty logical way to think. But the problem is when you’re eight, you don’t realize that you can’t control other people. It is such a bummer because, so like let’s say for example, my mom, I would, I think, okay, if I can keep my room perfectly clean, then I wouldn’t get any criticism. But guess what? There’s other things that need to be cleaned all the time, and so I could be criticized with that. So we can’t control other people and we also need to realize that other people can’t make me feel a certain way. It’s only my thoughts about other people. That’s what changes the way I think. So let’s go back to the to-do list. You’re like, Dara, get back to the point I’m, it’s always going to the point. So the point is we have to-do lists because of why? Why do we have a to-do list? Well, I know for me, a to-do list helps me stay focused. I am a very creative person and I love thinking, and I love letting myself think about a bunch of different things. And I get really excited and then I go find some books and then I explore different ideas and concepts. And next thing I know, there’s like three hours have gone past, but I really have to get certain things done. I have to write emails. I have to respond to things. I have bills to pay. I have different responsibilities of running a business. I have coaching calls to attend. I have all of these different things, so I have to stay focused. So a to-do list is actually a really good way to help me stay focused in my day. So that’s one of the reasons I love to do lists. I also love to collect data. I love knowing, okay so for, let’s take for example, when my kids were little. So I would keep lists of certain things to do as a mom because I was learning how to be a mom, and so I would start understanding how to organize my day. I remember making a to-do list, and then I would write down all the different locations that I needed to go to, and then I would organize this would be the best route that I should drive to save time and money and gas and all that. And then maybe I don’t need to go to all the things today. Maybe in three days from now I can do that thing or, and I can really start learning how to use the best use of my time. I did this as a school teacher. I learned really good skills and abilities of how to organize my time and how to help my students do the same thing. So a to-do list is actually a very useful tool. But just like with so many other things in life, if we’re waiting for external validation, if we’re needing like the ice cream to make us feel better or somebody’s compliment to feel better, or so many checks off a list to feel better, that external validation will never really land. A good analogy of that would be you’re trying to put a sticker on a wet wall. A sticker will not stick to a wet wall. It just doesn’t work. Whereas your to-do list isn’t what makes you feel better. It’s your thoughts about your to-do list that make you feel better. So today I want to help you have some guidelines about your to-do list. So the first thing is I want you to ask yourself, what am I putting on my to-do list? So that’s an easy one, but now the next one is why? Why am I putting that on my to-do list? And then the next question is, how much time do I think it should take me? And then you can say, I am going to do this in this amount of time. And then the other part that’s gonna be really, really hard is, and you know how to do this because when you got a test at school, the teacher said, do this test, you have two hours, and then you just gave yourself that amount of time. Sometimes when you’re doing a to-do list, sometimes when you’re doing tasks, sometimes you actually have to do it at B minus work. This is a concept I learned at the Life Coach school where I was trained as a life coach. And this was a really hard one for me because if I did anything, I always did it 110% because I needed so much external validation from people. And I really like, I do believe in quality and I value that, but sometimes we have to just do B minus and that’s gonna be good enough. Because we are a human, having a human experience, time is limited. We only have so much time in a day, and we have these creative, amazing brains. We actually only have so much time to do certain things. And if you wanna go back and you wanna do it again, that’s totally fine. But we also need to be realistic with the amount of time that we have with it. So what do we want to do? Why do we wanna do it? How much time do I think it should take? Another thing we had do the B minus work. We also need to prioritize. And then the last thing we need to do is after we take our best guess, so we take our best guess of how long I think it’s gonna take me, and then we just we actually do the thing. Then we go back and we evaluate. So let me give you an example. Today, I like to batch my podcast because I think about the topics. I keep a running list of all these ideas I have, and then I make notes on it. Every once in a while I’ll just like, add things to that and then I set apart a day where I just record podcasts. It’s awesome. My brain like gets into it. I get so excited. I’m like, I love podcast day and I have these worksheets that I’m working on. So I have my notes, I have the worksheets open and I just go for it. So in my planning, I broke down how much time I’m giving myself to review my notes and to record the podcast. So I wrote down the timelines that I’m giving myself. I’ve broken in some breaks, and then throughout the day, I look at, okay, it’s 2 :37 and on my list here, I should be at my fifth podcast already. How am I doing with that? And then, what then I realized afterwards, I say, okay, I didn’t give myself enough time, or I didn’t prepare ahead enough so that when I went to execute this plan, I wasn’t quite as ready and I’ve been collecting data. Now I’m getting a lot more practice. I’m learning how to build this skill and I’m getting quite good at it. But the thing that’s really helpful for me is that I’m willing to evaluate the process, and I’m able to look at this process from the Dara Tomasson perspective because I could go on Google and I could say, what’s the best way to do a podcast? Well, guess what? The best way to do a podcast for Dara Tomasson is Dara Tomasson’s best way of doing podcasts. And the only way that I’m gonna find my best way of doing podcasts is by doing my own podcast, knowing my own brain, knowing my own life, all of those things. And then I can now move forward powerfully, and as I continue to go, I will keep evaluating, editing, and looking at my best way of doing these podcasts. Okay. Oh, does that sound familiar? Yes. That’s how we do weight loss too. How you do one thing is how you do all things. So I hope that you have gotten a lot of good information from this podcast already, but I’m just gonna reiterate, number one, your to-do list does not determine your value. Number two, if you are continually looking for external validation, you are like a bull with the nose in the ring, and when you don’t accomplish something that pulls at you and beats you up and you’re now controlled by it, I don’t want that for you anymore. Number three, what qualifies to get on your list? Think about yourself as like a famous person who’s in a, having like Britney’s, no, I said Britney Spears yesterday, and I was like, I don’t even think my kids know who Britney Spears is. But think of Taylor Swift right now as I’m recording, she’s doing this huge tour and she’s getting all sorts of things, all sorts of attention. But imagine you’re Taylor Swift. And not just anyone can go in the back and see Taylor Swift. You have to qualify to go and see her. So what qualifies to get on your to-do list. And then the last thing is evaluate it. What’s going on here? Did I put too much on my list? Did I expect too much from me? Am I overspending time? Am I not spending enough time? Am I not giving myself enough time to do the quality that I want? And then you can start prioritizing and giving yourself different time to do things and be successful. As I’ve been working on my own to-do lists, it’s been a huge part of my running a business. When I was a longarm quilter what I would do is I would have an intake meeting with my future client. They’d bring the quilt. I’d look over it. I had my criteria, and then I would start realizing, okay, this is a five hour quilt, this is a three hour quilt, this is a 24 hour quilt. And then I would have some leeway of if the machine had tension problems or whatever, I did my best guess. And then I was able to realize, okay, this is gonna take me this long and now I have 50 quilts that are lined up in my, closet to be quilted, but I actually knew how many days in advance that was. Because if we have 50 really intensely custom quilted quilts at 50, 40 hours, 40 to 60 hours per quilt, that’s how many years down the road is that if I’m working 30 hours a week. So now I’m able to look at myself and say, is it expedient for me to take these quilts in? And what could I say to my clients? And so that’s a very normal thing to do as a business owner. But are we doing that for to-do lists? Are we giving ourselves that same breakdown? Are we giving ourselves that kind of success, setting ourselves up for success for that? Or are we being totally unrealistic? What’s, expedient? What’s expected? What’s realistic? And when you do this, you really learn to be a really nice boss to yourself. You be really kind to yourself. So when I would have a, like a really intense custom quilt, then I would give myself two or three just easy, fun, all over where I could just kind of play kind of quilts and give my body a little bit of a break and my brain a little bit of break. And then I was excited to go back to another heavy custom quilt, but we need to learn to get our own back. So I just finished a big project filming this TV series and it was a lot of work to get and it was super fun work, but it was still a lot of work and organization and so I gave myself, the next day was podcast day, which I love. I love podcast day and I just let myself wear jeans and a t-shirt. I didn’t really do my hair or anything. And I just was able to just really love the process of the podcast and have big thoughts and bring my thoughts together and think about serving all of you ladies as I’m recording this, this is in July, but you’re gonna be getting it, you know, in August and some of these are gonna be, you’re gonna be receiving them in September and it just brings me so much joy. So that’s what I’m talking about. I am excited that you’re here. I’m excited that you’re listening to this podcast. I’d love to hear what takeaways you’re having. What are those rings in your nose that just control you and you feel so frustrated? Are you being run by your to-do list? Let me know. I can’t wait to hear and help you with that. Take care. Bye-bye.

