#101: Interview With Deb

101. Interview With Deb

Dara: Do you wanna speak to one of the members of Love Yourself Thin and see what’s happening inside her brain? Well, don’t need to worry any further because I have such a treat for you in the next coming weeks. And today we’re gonna start out with my interview with Deb Matthews. I can’t wait for you to experience this interview. I am Dara Tomasson, and this is Love Yourself Thin episode 101, interview with Deb Matthews.

Hello everybody. So today I have such a special podcast episode for you all. I know I’m always sharing the wins from my clients in my podcast, and this lady in particular has had many wins that I’ve shared with you over the years, and now we have the privilege and honor to have her on my podcast. And you can listen to her, her experience of what Love Yourself Thin has meant. And so I’m very, very pleased to introduce you to Deb Matthews, who lives just across the ocean, for me, it’s only about a two hour ferry ride. And so Deb, would you like to just introduce yourself a little bit? 

Deb: Hi, I’m Deb Matthews. And I live two hours away from Dara and and the beautiful land of Vancouver. I have lost 80 plus pounds. I’m going to be 70 this year. And my journey has been wonderful. I am at more at peace and content with the way my life is right now. 

Dara: Amazing. And I’ve even been to Deb’s house a few times, even had some sleepovers, which has been so fun when I went to Quilt Canada. So Deb, I’m gonna ask the first question. What resonated with you about the program and why did you invest? 

Deb: What resonated with me was that it sounded so doable. It sounded like it was for me, it was the way I wanted to do it. And I could do it and I could live with what I’d done for the rest of my life.

Dara: So explain that a little bit more because like, how did you hear, Love Yourself explained that felt doable? Like what were the actual things that I said that really resonated with you and, and made sense enough for you to come and talk to me and then eventually join. 

Deb: The way you presented it, it was that everybody is unique and we’ll figure it out. It can be figured out for how you want to live your life. The emotions part that it wasn’t necessarily that, that food was the issue, it was how I perceived food. Mm-hmm. And how food had a big role in my life. I picked that up from some of your Instagram feeds and And I thought that resonates with me cuz I know, I know how to eat healthy. I know all those things. I am not uneducated or any of those things. So I just thought, okay, something’s, something’s sounding good here. Something sounding doable. 

Dara: It was so fun for me when I first started coaching Deb because she doesn’t eat a lot of meat, and in my mind I was like, oh I don’t know a lot about beans. I mean, I feed my kids beans every once in a while. So it was just so fun for us to just go back to the science. And so tell us a little bit about your journey, like how much you’ve lost, how long did you struggle with weight, and then even telling people your age would be really helpful too.

Deb: I’ve struggled with weight a lot of my adult life into my probably thirties and you know, after kids. And it just kept going on and on. I’ll be 70 this year. With this process I’ve never felt, it’s too late in my life to do it. I can go through it and having the best years of my life. I’ve lost 80 pounds. 80 plus pounds. I’ve learned that I did resist all the way along, I embraced the program with curiosity. And that I like to figure it out. I love to learn. So what’s not to learn? I can learn anything. I can adapt, I can figure it out. Yeah. I met the program with resistance at the beginning. But my issue with food was I just ate it. I thought I was eating healthy. But no, I wasn’t. Food was the driver in my life. It was the comfort. It was the boredom. It was the stress. It was eaten to make me ha, at happy times at sad times. It was just, was just the go-to with no thought to what I was doing to my body. And when I tried other weight loss diets I did really well on at the beginning always. And, you know, tried one, two or three times and lost, you know, 40 pounds, you know, and put it all back on plus because they didn’t compensate or allow for the things that go on in your life. 

Dara: Yeah. So one of the things I noticed with you was candy, your relationship with candy, and in the past, what do you think it was?

Deb: Oh, it was, it was in a jar in the cupboard. And I’m like, just go in and get one. 

Dara: And it was a lot of rewards. Like even your husband would, he would go out, do errands and you’d say, oh, bring me back this. Or, oh, bring me back. 

Deb: Bring me back a, yeah, bring me back a treat. So there was always treats and you know, always they were just treated as everyday foods. I’m not, when I say I’m not a real sweet eater, like I don’t care about cake and pie and cupcakes and those sort of things, but candy, I liked my candy. Now, yeah, I used to get on the plane, I’d buy myself a little sleeve of white gums and eat ’em on the plane. I do a fair bit of traveling back and forth visiting, and I don’t do that anymore. I don’t even think about it anymore. Just it was like a rewarded treat candy. And if I want one, then I’ll have one, but, I don’t use it as a reward or a treat, it’s because I truly want one. I think about it you know, I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I might have it then I might not.

Dara: So when you say you don’t necessarily want the candy anymore, I think a lot of listeners are thinking, okay, that doesn’t sound realistic. Like, do you still have urges? Do you still want it? Or like, do you not have a desire for it? Like, I, I’d love to hear your take on that.

Deb: The desire is really gone. It’s really, it’s just like I never ate any Easter candy. When I had my grandkids visiting, I put the Easter candy out early, never had any. Didn’t eat any Halloween candy. If I’m going to have it, then I’m gonna have what I really want. I’ll go out and buy the special piece of candy, the special piece of chocolate. I’m not going to eat the dollar store chocolate. I’m not going to eat the junk. And the urges, yeah once in a while they hit me. But I usually can figure them out. Okay. Are you bored? Oh, no. This is the time the kids used to come home from school and you had snacks. Or something. I I’ve got the tools to figure out what’s going on in my brain. Why do I crave that? Yes. I plan for, I go visit my niece. I plan to have an ice cream because that’s what she likes to do and we do. So it’s there. Do I have the three scooper or the two scooper? No, I can’t eat that much anymore. You know, so I want a healthier body and, and the sugar hit does not always make me feel comfortable. 

Dara: Right. And so how we would talk about that in Love Yourself Thin is you desire more to have a healthier body, a stronger body, like a more of a pain-free body, so that desire is stronger than the desire for that little hit of sugar or candy. 

Deb: Yeah. And it’s hard to explain to someone that hasn’t done some of the journey with the tools and the process you teach. You know, I think of, you know, the tedious bite workshop and a few of those, those things that did, that I partake in and then I’ve tried, you know, and Like I say, food isn’t my driver. There’s other things in life that will give me that sugar hit.

Dara: Well and actually I’ve eaten your food. Now deb is an amazing cook and one of the things that I found that’s been really fun to watch her is that she’s used a lot of really amazing food and been super creative with it. And so her salads and her, all the things that she makes are just so delicious and so wonderful. So we’re not saying that her food is no longer exciting and interesting, but it’s so delicious and it’s so healthy. 

Deb: Well I like to say I’m a foodie. I like to cook and I, I like to put good things and I, I like to try new recipes, you know, and I use the fats. I eat anything and everything. It’s, you know, it’s what I choose to put in my body. But. Like I posted on our private Facebook group what I cooked for dinner last night, and you know, somebody might look at it and say, oh, you know, that’s where, or it’s, that’s a big serving. But I know what I can eat. I’m very much learnt to be in tune with what, what my body needs and how much it needs.

Dara: Yeah, it’s amazing. It’s so fun. Mm-hmm. All right. My next question is what have been the biggest shifts for your thinking every day?

Deb: Food isn’t my driver. I don’t wake up in the morning thinking, oh, what am I gonna eat today? That’s not there anymore. Or I don’t get up in the morning thinking, oh, I’ve gotta try to diet again today. I’m gonna be good again today. I’m going to be the best person I can. I’m not going to eat that. I’m gonna, you know I’m gonna start losing weight today. I don’t think that anymore. I get up. I’m happier. Shift is, you know, I weigh myself, the number on the scale is just collecting data. I do a morning routine that I never thought I’d do anymore. 

Dara: And what is part of that routine, if you wouldn’t mind sharing it?

Deb: I do a few little stretching type exercises, a few weight bearing ones, and it takes me 12 minutes. I time it. 12 minutes and I’m adding a few more to it. So maybe, you know, used to be like six minutes and now it’s up to 12. And then I go and I listen to one of your daily messages and then I journal and that takes less than half an hour. You know, I get my tea ready, you know, and my water ready while I’m doing it. I have a morning routine that even when I travel, I might not get to do it, but when I come home, it just picks right back up. It’s just part of me now. 

Dara: Yeah. And this made a big impact. So my next question is, what impact has Love Yourself Thin tools had on your body, your relationships, and your productivity day-to-day? 

Deb: On my body it’s been massive change. I’ve gone from a, like, you know, way up there in the plus sizes down to regular sizes. So when I travel, I don’t worry that if I’ve forgotten something, I can go to the store and buy it easier. You know, the body, the body is body functions, moves more. It wants to move more. I’m not an exercise nut. I do my morning stretches. Those things. But to go to the gym, nah, that’s what I mean. But to walk, I crave a walk every day. I walk faster. So the impact on that is, and I, we’ve got hills where I live coming up the one hill I used to have to stop part way up. Now I don’t have to stop anywhere at all. So the impact on the body, the body moves better. 

My relationship. With my husband has always been a good one. Always had a good life. I have a good married life. I have two wonderful sons, that has improved. It’s more fulfilling. There’s a little bit more contentment there. So that relationship has improved and when we have a disagreement, I use my voice to speak. I speak kindly. The expectations I put on myself, not on others, what I expect. And if those things have changed as, as well, those manuals have been rewritten. You know, he’s his person, I’m my person. Those, these are my thoughts, not yours. And I get along better with my brother and sister. I have a calmer relationship with them. Even with my mom, you know, as, as she ages, I’m better able to deal with her with compassion with and without so much anger and resentment. Not that there was a lot of resentment there, but everybody has their own thoughts and issues with growing up and those are just my stories and I can, not rewrite them but rethink them. And that’s really helped a lot. And my productivity is just so much more. I don’t sit there buffering on Instagram and Facebook and sitting there reading all day long and eating popcorn while I read, or something like that. I don’t do that anymore. I like to sew. I like to quilt. You know, in the springtime I’m out in the garden and, and I like to look for recipes and try something new. So my day-to-day life is filled with more contentment. You know, I don’t wanna say peaceful cuz life isn’t always peaceful, but I’ve learned how to deal with the ups and downs. 

Dara: Well, and one of the things you said today was that life is a lot less dramatic.

Deb: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t put the drama in it. Like you used to or think there was drama in there. The hills and valleys are, are lower. 

Dara: Yeah. Yeah. It’s more calm. I love that. And now the next question is, what have been your biggest takeaways so far? And just maybe even just share like when you started and where you’re at now. Like, we started together December, I think it was December 14th, 2020.

Deb: Mm-hmm. Well, when I, it was just before Christmas with Dara when I started and I had hit in my own mind, rock bottom. Probably not, but I knew if I continued the way I was, then my health would seriously decline and I don’t know if I’d still be here today. That’s how I felt at that time. I was, you know, I don’t wanna use the word desperate, cuz I hadn’t reached desperate yet, but I had reached rock bottom. So, and then I heard Dara I thought, why not? Why not? What do I have going forward if I don’t do something for myself? So I fought her along the way. I did, you know, my husband likes to bake bread and he likes to do this and that, you know, and I don’t eat a lot of meat. I’m not a big meat eater. I put a little bit more into my diet because my body needs the vitamins, the bees from the meat. So I’ve shifted slightly, but very like maybe every two weeks I might have some, some piece of meat or something. So I’ve learned that process along the way. The biggest takeaway for me is that I’m more aware of myself. I’m more true to myself. I’ve come back to my, in my mind, my true, authentic self. Yeah. I’m still a work in progress. Always will be. And that’s part of the fun, that’s part of the learning that I like. Something hits me and I’ll think, why am I doing that? Why am I thinking that? Oh, okay. So it’s curiosity and everything is, as Dara says, is figureoutable. 

Dara: Well, it’s been really fun for me to watch Deb change because she now wears bright clothes and she wears really fun things and she’s just embracing who she really is and there’s no like fear of judgment. The other thing I see a lot is even in your relationships with your friends and the guild and the different places you’re involved in, you’re not, there’s not the drama anymore. That’s been a big shift and of course, the health part. So going away on vacation, taking care of your grandkids, having the energy to host them and to do all of that. There’s so much more confidence. That I see every day.

Deb: I know I can go away on vacation and not come home 10 pounds heavier, not come home five pounds heavier year, maybe the same weight, maybe one or two pounds up or down, I’ve come back from vacation being or being away, being down in the journey that I’ve done. Yeah, I’m much more confident. My friends, I enjoy them more. Mm-hmm. You know, I’ve always enjoyed them. I have really good friends, but the relationships seem much more authentic, much more peaceful. And yeah. 

Dara: So this is a interesting question. So you’ve had the experience of working with me one-on-one, and you’re obviously in the Love Yourself Thin membership. What do you love about both of them? 

Deb: Well I toyed with the idea of the group when we first chatted, but you’d already started one. So it I’d have to wait, and then I thought, mm, right now in my life, I’m not a group person. Mm-hmm. So that’s what, that’s why I needed the one-on-one. I wanted it just for me. I didn’t want to share at the beginning. Now I don’t mind sharing in the group. I learned so much from the group. Someone looks for coaching or someone has something, I always get a takeaway. I always get something that says, oh, oh. Whether I, I say to myself, I used to think that way, or Oh, I am thinking that way. Oh, or this relates to this. Hmm, interesting. Yeah I look forward to the, the meetings. And my lifestyle allows me, you know, being retired allows me to attend a lot of them. And I never ever say, oh, I wish I did. Oh, I could have gone and did this. No, I’m always learning. Always.

Dara: And what has it been like to make friendships and relationships with other ladies in the group? Because they’re from all over the world. 

Deb: Yep. Yeah. Well I’m just loving. I have, you know, some chats with a couple of the ladies and I’m looking forward to meeting two of the ladies, you know and they’re going to stay with me in my house before we head over to Dara’s retreat in the fall. And I’m looking forward to that. My house is open to any of them if they wanna travel to here. I’ve said that I feel comfortable with all of them. You know, you don’t know anybody until you actually physically meet them, but you get a good feel for everybody. And I enjoy the group. I enjoy the group. 

Dara: So for people who are thinking about the group and maybe they’re worried about like not being a group person and, and feeling that, cuz I, I mean I do have some one-on-one spots for me every once in a while. And I also have coaches that will do one-on-one in my program. But as far as the group is concerned, What would you say to them is one of the best reasons to join, or what are your favorite reasons to join? 

Deb: To join the group? After I joined I learned more than what I thought that I’d get. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable in that group. It’s okay to have others be vulnerable and feel your compassion for them. Everybody else’s thoughts and issues can, you can put your own words in there, or your own thing or situation and take it from there. So you’re always, always, always learning in a group. And it’s fun to watch how people change. I find that fascinating to watch them progress. You know, and even myself, you know, it’s interesting to watch myself. It feels like a family. It feels like a, an extended family. It feels like a good guild group. One of the best guild groups you wanna join. That’s what it feels like. 

Dara: Yeah. And it’s the most productive because not only are you learning how to physically take care of yourself, but you’re learning the mental and the emotional part that diets don’t ever give you, they don’t ever give you that, that support.

Deb: Food is not the issue. Food is not the issue. It’s your mental, mental, mental. 

Dara: What are you the most proud of when you think about how far you’ve come in this journey? 

Deb: The most? I’d have a hard time with that because there’s about three or four things.

Dara: Oh. Then just share them all. 

Deb: Okay. It’s the weight. And no food drama. It’s how I handle my relationship or how I am with my relationship with my husband and my family and how far I’ve come myself. How much I like myself now. I love myself now. I would say two years, three years ago, I didn’t care for me. I didn’t care for the journey I was on, but I sure do now. I like myself, I’m proud of myself. Little jiggery dance I could do. That’s how happy I am with myself.

Dara: Well, and of course I just feel totally humbled and totally grateful to be a little piece of Debbie’s journey. She’s done this work. She has done this work. She has put in this commitment to herself. And I just get to be a part of helping her to know, Hey, oh wait, like let’s just go, oh, over here tr let’s go back on track. Like, is this what you want? And then why aren’t you here? And, and that’s what a coach does. A coach helps you to, to stay on track of your own unique journey. Cuz we really are individualized. 

Deb: Yeah. I would’ve never been able to do it without you. 

Dara: Yeah. It’s been a blast.

Deb: Yeah. And I’ve enjoyed it. Even though I, I fought you a lot, I enjoyed it. Questioned you. I shouldn’t say that, questioned. 

Dara: That’s okay. I can take it all. 

Deb: I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the Love Yourself Thin Program by Dara. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. 

Dara: This has been amazing. Both of us just wanna cry right now. Have a good cry, it was so awesome. Absolutely. So thanks for listening to this podcast and if you have any questions, if you want to talk to me about anything please reach out to me. We can have a conversation.