100. Weight Loss and Comfort

Do you love celebrating? Or do you get nervous because you go to a party and you’re worried about what they’re gonna be serving you, and so you feel uncomfortable? Well, I’m gonna tell you that this is a really special episode because it’s 100 episodes and all of the treats that you’re gonna get from this episode, you’re not gonna have to feel guilty at all because they will only make you better and you don’t have to worry about gaining any of the weight. Are you ready? I’m Dara Tomasson and this is Love Yourself Thin episode 100, Weight Loss and Comfort.

Okay, so how many of you absolutely have your favorite foods that you go to when you want to seek some form of comfort? So if you are really, really sad, do you get out the Rocky Road Ice Cream? If you’re really, really upset or angry, do you go to a drive-through and order a special ice cream treat or do you go to the store and get certain like nachos and dip, or do you order a certain thing at a restaurant? I wanna hear it from you. And there’s a little part in the worksheet that has a place where you can put down all your comfort foods. So today’s episode we’re going to dive into the deception of comfort food as one of my clients in the membership said, comfort foods lack comfort. And on some of the thoughts I had for this episode title were Comfort food Falsehoods, or The Fallacies of Comfort Food. So we’re gonna dive really deep into that today, and as a really special bonus, all the worksheets have been compiled and you can get them all in one. So you know me, I love a good worksheet because when you slow down and when you connect with your brain and you let your brain really go through these tools, you are creating new neural pathways, new ways of thinking that are going to change everything for you. And as you do this work on my podcast and you make so many of you are messaging me, thank you so much for the podcast. I’ve learned so much from the podcast, but I can’t even tell you how much more of a transformation you have in my program. I’ll leave that message, that incentive at the end, but, this hundred worksheets, you’re gonna love them so much and they’re all in one. And that is my really special way of celebrating 100 episodes.

Okay, so before I dive into everything I’ve prepared for you for comfort and how to get real comfort instead of all this falsehood, fallacy, food business. I wanted to share a quick win from one of my clients. I love her so much. I love them all. And so this client particular, she’s turning 70 this year. She doesn’t particularly feel like she’s a very good swimmer and for a long time she never felt comfortable in bathing suits. So bathing suits weren’t really a thing. Swimming was something she just kind of shied away from. But now that covid is over and it’s safer to travel, they went on a, a big road trip, the two of ’em, her and her husband, and they stayed at a hotel that had a water slide and she thought, you know what? I never go on those things. I think they look like a lot of fun. And if she had her grandkids, she would encourage them to go on it. And so she went on the water slide and she had a blast. She had so much fun. She went like five or six times until another family came to the pool and she thought, well, I’ll let them have a turn. And then the following day they went to another hotel that had even longer and bigger water slide and she just shot down like a rocket and she had the most fun. And the funniest part was she realized that her bathing suit that she bought herself last summer is actually too big. So it was a little bit loose and she felt a little bit silly, but she had so much fun. So I absolutely love that celebration and we had a great time in the membership celebrating her and really enjoying that.

Okay, so let’s go into the podcast. Now, what I do recommend is that you listen to the podcast twice. So you listen to it like on a walk or you listen to it while they’re doing the dishes or something, cleaning bathrooms, I’m not sure. And then listen to it the second time with the worksheet. But if you’re like me and you like being efficient you can be having the worksheet in front of you as you’re listening. So I wanted to look at the definition of comfort. So, and this is the funny thing about my podcast and when I’m talking, cuz most of you, not all of you, but a lot of you are quilters and what do we spend a lot of our time doing? Making quilts. And what’s one of the reasons why we want to make quilts for people? Absolutely. It’s like a hug. I’m giving them a hug. So I give people quilts because I say, Hey, I love you a lot and I want you to think about my love for you. And so when you’re feeling sad or when you’re feeling cold, or when you’re needing to feel, you know, snuggly, or whatever that is, here is something I made for you. I love you and I made this for you, and I want you to put this around you and I want you to feel of my love.

So it’s interesting that we spend a lot of time, money, and effort in making beautiful quilts for people because we want to give them comfort. Yet we are turning to sugar and flour, which gives us more inflammation, it gives us more food storage, and it actually has very detrimental effects on our health. But we’re doing it. Meanwhile, we actually have a superpower of making something that gives genuine comfort because when you give someone a quilt, then they’re able to use that to comfort themselves. All right, so when you look at the definition of comfort, it is a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. So for example, there is no room for four people to travel in comfort. And second one is the ease or alleviation of a person’s feeling, feelings of grief or distress. A few words of comfort. Similar words are consolation, soulless, condolence, sympathy. And so the opposite of comfort is grief. And what’s interesting, because the food that we’re eating, the ice cream, the donuts, the whatever, that actually gives us a lot of grief because we have to deal with the aftermath of it. It’s kind of like when, you know you’re a little toddler, you don’t give them a nap. And then you have all that grief because they’re exhausted and they’re not at their best selves. And then the verb version of comfort is ease the grief or distress of something. So when you have a baby, someone brings you a meal, so they they’re helping you to feel more comfort.

Okay. Now I found it interesting to look at the origin of the word, and I, I love this because I speak French, and so it’s an actual French word back from like 1200, the feeling of relief in affliction or sorrow, solace consolation as in to take comfort. Also, it’s a source of alleviation or relief from old French conf; consolation, solace, pleasure, enjoyment from conforte to solace, to help to strengthen. And you think about what do we put on our beds? We put comforters. That’s what they’re called. And if you’re a biblical person like me, we believe that another word for Holy Ghost is comforter. So it is there to give us comfort. And so when I go to a baptism and I’ll speak about it, I’ll actually give them a quilt because it’s a way for you to actually have that physical reminder that this is here to comfort us. So we think of the word comfort as a soothing thing. It eases our pain, it makes us feel better, but the Hebrew word used is nachamu,, N A C h a m u and it’s more like the 1611 King James English, which means come fort to strengthen. So it’s a fort. And then if you look at the middle English word comfortien or a Latin of comfort air to strengthen. So it is a strength, it is a guide. It’s to strengthen greatly. That’s what the Latin word means, to strengthen greatly. So then to give comfort is to shore up the mood or physical state of someone else.

So now that you get a little bit deeper into that word, let’s go to the problem that we have in 2023. Or whenever you listen to this. So we have this notion, and it started, I would say, you know, back to, you think about, you know, craft dinner and macaroni and cheese and different stews or ice cream or whatever, we kind of have this notion of comfort foods. So the problem with comfort foods, is it’s a very temporary fix. You know, you get kind of excited about the idea of it. Then you do you have that food, but it doesn’t last, it doesn’t stick. And in fact it has actual difficult effects to it because we now have to pay the price of what happens in our body when we have all of that food. So when we eat a lot of macaroni and cheese, when we eat a lot of ice cream, when we eat a lot of chocolate, when we eat a lot of those things, we don’t have actual soothing or relief in our body. We have the opposite because now we are having, we could have constipation, we definitely have weight gain. We have discomfort in our stomach. We can have some gas, we can have definitely a lot of inflammation in our body. So that feels terrible.

So, when we’re trying to use an external thing like macaroni and cheese or a milkshake or pierogis or whatever, cinnamon buns. So if we are trying to give ourselves comfort from an external source and then trying to put a different emotion inside us and if we keep doing that, so we keep eating that rocky road, so we will get that dopamine hit. And so wiring wise, our brain is being wired, oh, if we eat this thing, we will get a temporary dopamine hit. And so then that increases the chemicals in our brain and reaction in our body, and it will strengthen that desire by giving those false messages that it has to come from outside. But, the more that you listen to this podcast and the more that you understand that our emotions only come from our thoughts. So we have a thought like, I’m so happy this is over. And then that thought creates a reaction of hormones. Those are chemicals, little chemicals that run around in our brain. And then we have receptors around our body that tell us yay or nay. And so then what happens? It reinforces it in that way. And when you think about the word comfort and you go to the Latin word comforter, which means to strengthen greatly, we are strengthening neuro pathways in our brain in a very unhealthy and destructive way if we keep trying to use food to make us feel a different way. That is going to last. And one of the things I like to say is when we eat food, I want you to eat food that’s going to feel good five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes down the road. That is true comfort, right?

Now, I am gonna take another perspective of this. So to comfort someone is to give soulless or to sooth. You might comfort your brother when he didn’t win a game. Now the problem is we can do as much as possible, you know, if our child didn’t win, like we you know me long enough that I attend a lot of basketball games. And one of the problems when I’m sitting cheering on my kids in their basketball game is if the game does not end favorably for them, you know, that that is gonna be a tough drive home from the basketball game. So how do you give comfort when they can’t receive it? Like recently my son played, one of my sons was playing a, a team and they always beat this team. And in fact they had this spring league and that’s organized with the different high schools and they were playing the team that’s rated last and my son’s team was rated first. And the last time they played them, I think they beat them by 28 points or 30 like it was, it was crazy. And it was actually one of my son’s best games. So this team goes into the game thinking, oh, we’re totally gonna, we’re totally gonna beat them. Like, it’s just gonna be a landslide. It’s gonna be so easy. Well it turns out it wasn’t. And in fact they lost by, I think 15 points. And so if my son is not in a state to be comforted. I could say all the words in the world, but if he isn’t going to receive those words, it will mean nothing.

So my goal for you, and I’m gonna go back to the Latin word, it means to strengthen greatly. So my goal for you is to learn how to strengthen yourself greatly. What are the ways that you are going to speak to yourself? What are the ways that you are going to take care of your thoughts and your body and your emotional state? And so that is what needs to happen in order for you to lose weight and keep it off. I had a comment in my program just today, in the month of June we’re doing a challenge called, I don’t wanna do it, but I’m gonna do it anyway cuz I love myself challenge and she said “doing great with the challenge so far. It’s funny, when I came to love yourself thin, I already understood the science of weight loss so well that I could practically write a book on it, but I was severely lacking in the mental mindset side of things and struggling hard with my relationship with food. My only coping strategy seemed to be eating and drinking. I was fully sugar addicted. I could not find any info elsewhere for how to get myself to actually do what I knew I should do, do what I wanted to do and believe in me. I am so grateful for the tools you’re teaching. The science is important to understand, to build your own protocol, but the magic happens when we do the mental work to be able to actually implement and follow it.” I love how she said that, and imagine yourself being able to say that. How much comfort would you feel when you’re laying down in bed knowing that you found a way to be honest and true with yourself, and not to keep siding back into those old patterns of needing that chocolate?

So that’s one of the reasons why I chose this episode today. I was thinking, how can I celebrate a hundred episodes? This has been a huge undertaking for me. Before I did a podcast, I thought, ah, you know, it’s a lot of time and energy. It’s a big investment monetarily, you know, who’s gonna listen. I don’t know how to promote a podcast, and honestly, I haven’t really promoted it that much because I haven’t put a lot of time and effort into it just because I have all these other, things that I’m doing. But it is amazing to me that so many of you listen, so many of you message me and you share your experiences with how it’s helped you. It is very scary for you to invest in yourself. I understand that a hundred percent, but it’s scarier if you don’t. Because if you don’t invest in yourself and you don’t learn these tools, and you don’t learn how to be the boss of yourself, then now you’re on default.

Now, this is gonna be a little bit longer than my most of my podcast, but I am, I only have a few more minutes, but I do really wanna share my top 10 ways of how to learn to get your own comfort. And this is a worksheet. You can print this out, you can put it on your fridge, by your mirror, whatever you need to do. So are you ready? How to create your own comfort. Number one, understand how your brain and body work together. Understand how the chemicals work, the hormones, the reactions, how emotions are just vibrations in your body. Number two, be more aware of the thoughts you are having and be more selective about the thoughts that you want to keep. Be in charge. Number three, learn tools to help you feel more comfortable in your head. And those are all the tools I teach in Love Yourself Thin. Number four, prioritize your own mental, emotional and physical health. Today was a super busy day and it’s getting really hot and I really wanted to get in a run, and so I thought, okay, I can wake up early, extra early. I can go for the run. I can have a quick shower, then I can head to my son’s track meet, then I can be back at home for my daughter’s zoom meeting that she had, and then I’ll get this podcast done. And I, I have all these other things I need to do. My assistant messaged me like eight times this morning with all the different deadlines that we have going on. But when I prioritize my own mental, emotional and physical health, everything goes better.

Number five, set a standard on how you speak to yourself so you have a standard in society, if someone starts yelling at you or, or something you would, like, what is it? You walk away, you call the police. What is that? Do that for yourself. Like, I will not speak to myself, this, this, or this. Number six, establish a new habit of evaluating yourself daily from a place of unconditional love. That’s gonna take a lot of practice is to accept yourself unconditionally. That’s one of the biggest things we do in Love Yourself Thin. Number seven, be willing to look at what didn’t go well, and learn from it. Failures are when you didn’t meet your own expectation, so take the time to see what didn’t happen and what needs to happen to meet your own expectations. Number eight, embrace that the only person who can change you is you. Become your own best boss. Number nine, take charge of your own life, which means you need to get to know yourself. What are your desires? What are your dreams? What makes you tick? What things light you up? What things make you so thrilled? Number 10, celebrate the heck from your own life. You are your best advocate, judge, and benefactor.

So I love these top 10 ways of creating your own comfort, and I am gonna challenge you. And the challenge is I want you to take one failure, one thing that you just feel really terrible about, and I want you to share it with me. So take the failure and then think of what you can learn from it and then share that with me. Okay? And I’d left you my email, [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you and you can be part of my celebration. This is a way for me to celebrate, is to hear from you, and I’m gonna be really bold. I want to hear 100 of these. 100. So please be one of those 100 women that email me and say, what is that one failure you had? What did you learn from it? And how are you gonna move forward?

All right. It has been so much fun sharing this episode with you. I’m so thrilled about all the different ideas I have for the next hundred podcast episodes. I am here to help you discover who you really are. Because no longer do you need to hide. So just like my client that put on her bathing suit that was a little bit baggy and went on those slides in the hotel, she’s discovering who she really is. She’s discovering what joys and excitement life has at turning 70 this year. She is looking forward to the next, her seventies, her eighties, her nineties, because she is so much stronger mentally, physically, and emotionally. And I want that for you. I can’t wait to hear back from you. Take care.